Vifofowo—Nusita Wole Bubum ɖo

Nyemeɖo ŋku edzi be Dada kple Papa wɔ dzre alo he nya kpɔ o. Nusi ko menyae nye be Papa nɔ anyi, eye gbeɖeka ko—vĩ!—ɖeko wòbu. Nyemenya afisi fofonye le vaseɖe egbe o. Menya be nyemesusunɛ o.”—Bruce.

“Nye ɖeka koe nye ɖevi le sukua si si dzila eve menɔ o eye aƒe hã menɔ asinye o . . . Mebuna ɣesiaɣi be meto vovo. Mesena le ɖokuinye me ɣesiaɣi be meto vovo kura tso hatinyewo katã gbɔ.”—Patricia.

MƆ̃ÐAŊU ŋudɔwɔwɔ ƒe tɔtrɔ kpata lae he tɔmanɔsiƒomewo ƒe kuxia vɛ. Esime dɔwɔwɔ le adzɔnuwɔƒewo va nɔ ŋutsuwo hem dzoe le woƒe nɔƒewo la, vifofo ƒe ŋusẽkpɔɖeamedzi le ƒomea me dze egɔme nɔ gbɔdzɔgbɔdzɔm; ɖeviwo nyinyi ƒe agba ƒe akpa gãtɔ va dze ŋgɔ vidadawo. * Ke hã vifofo akpa gãtɔ kpɔtɔ nɔ woƒe ƒomewo gbɔ. Gake le ƒe 1960 ƒeawo ƒe domedome la, srɔ̃gbegbe dze egɔme nɔ dzidzim ɖe edzi kabakaba nukutɔe le United States. Srɔ̃gbegbe ƒe mɔxenu siwo tso mawusubɔsubɔ, ganya, kple hadomegbenɔnɔ gbɔ dze gbɔdzɔgbɔdzɔ gɔme. Esi amesiwo be srɔ̃gbegbeŋutinunyalawoe yewonye gblɔ be menye ɖeko srɔ̃gbegbe megblẽa nu le ɖeviwo ŋu o ke ade wo dzi boŋ ƒe aɖaŋuɖoɖowo de dzo lãme na amewo ta la, srɔ̃tɔwo dze wo nɔewo gbegbe gɔme le agbɔsɔsɔ siwo womekpɔ kpɔ o me. Agbalẽ si nye Divided Families—What Happens to Children When Parents Part, si Frank F. Furstenberg, Jr., kple Andrew J. Cherlin ŋlɔ, gblɔ be: “Le Belgium, France, kple Switzerland la [srɔ̃gbegbe] dzi ɖe edzi zi gbɔ zi eve [tso ƒe 1960 ƒeawo me], eye le Canada, England, kple Netherlands la, edzi ɖe edzi zi gbɔ zi etɔ̃.”

Togbɔ be zi geɖe le srɔ̃gbegbe megbe ɖeviwo nɔa wo dada gbɔ hã la, vifofoawo dometɔ akpa gãtɔ dina be yewoana ƒomedodo nanɔ yewo kple ɖeviawo dome. Dzila evea gbɔ nɔnɔe nye egbɔkpɔnu si bɔ. Gake ewɔ nuku be vifofo siwo gbe wo srɔ̃wo dometɔ akpa gãtɔ menaa ƒomedodo gobii aɖeke nɔa wo kple wo viwo dome o. Numekuku aɖe ɖee fia be ɖevi 1 le 6  me koe kpɔa fofoa si gbe nɔa kwasiɖa ɖesiaɖe. Ðeviawo dometɔ afã kloe mekpɔ wo fofo le ƒe blibo ɖeka me o!

Dzila Eveawo Gbɔ Nɔnɔ ƒe Kpododo Nu

Be srɔ̃gbelawo nama ɖevidzikpɔkpɔ ƒe agba atsɔ la, ebia nuwɔwɔ aduadu kple kakaɖeamedzi blibo—nɔnɔme vevi siwo mebɔ o. Furstenberg kple Cherlin siwo nye numekulawo gblɔe ale: “Susu si ta koŋ vifofowo dzudzɔa wo viwo sasrã kpɔe nye be womedi be yewoagado ka aɖeke kple yewosrɔ̃ xoxoawo o. Nenema ke nyɔnu geɖe hã wɔa nui ɖe wo srɔ̃ŋutsu xoxoawo ŋu.”

Nyateƒee, vifofo srɔ̃gbelawo dometɔ geɖe srãa wo viwo kpɔ edziedzi. Gake esi womegakpɔa gome le wo viwo ƒe gbesiagbegbenɔnɔ me tẽ o ta la, esesẽna na wo dometɔ aɖewo be woawɔ nu alesi dze vifofowo ne wole wo gbɔ. Wowɔa nu abe fefewɔhati ko ene, eye wozãa woƒe ɣeyiɣia katã le modzakaɖeɖe alo asiƒeƒle ɖekae me. Ari, si nye ƒe 14 vi ƒo nu tso eƒe tsaɖiɖi yi fofoa gbɔ le kwasiɖanuwuwuwo ŋu ale: “Ðoɖowɔɖi gobii aɖeke meli o, ɖeko wògblɔna be ‘Va aƒeme ga atɔ̃ kple afã.’ Ete ŋu nyea ɣeyiɣi ɖesiaɖe ko. Eye fofonye ƒlea nuwo nam ɣesiaɣi.”—How It Feels When Parents Divorce, si Jill Krementz ŋlɔ.

Ele be Vifofo lɔ̃ame ‘nanya alesi wòana nunana nyuiwo viawo.’ (Mateo 7:11) Gake womate ŋu atsɔ nunanawo aɖɔli mɔfiame kple hehe si hiã gbeɖe o. (Lododowo 3:12; 13:1) Ne ame aɖe gblẽ eƒe dzilanyenye ƒe agbanɔamedziwo ɖi hetsɔ eɖokui wɔ fefewɔhati alo amedzro la, fofo kple vi dome ƒomedodoa me agblẽ kokoko. Numekuku aɖe ƒo nya ta be: “Srɔ̃gbegbe ate ŋu agblẽ fofo kple vi dome ƒomedodo me tegbee.”—Journal of Marriage and the Family, May 1994.

Esi ŋutsu aɖewo kple wo viwo dome ma—alo ɖewohĩ be womegadoa vivi ɖe wo ŋu boo o—te ɖe wo dzi eye wòku dzi na wo ta la, wogblẽ woƒe ƒomewo ɖi, hegbea gakpekpeɖeŋu si hiã nana. * (Timoteo I, 5:8) Ŋutsuvi ƒewuivi aɖe si vevesese yɔ dzime na gblɔ be: “Naneke medzɔa dzi nam le fofonye ŋu si ŋu mebuna o. Le nyateƒe me la, medea nu míaƒe nya me kura o, medoa alɔ mí le naneke kura me o, eye mebu be ema nye nɔnɔme nyɔŋu.”

Dzila Srɔ̃manɔsitɔwo

Gbɔmeyaviwo dzidzi ƒe xexlẽme si womekpɔ kpɔ o wɔe be tɔmanɔsiviwo ƒe xexlẽme dzi ɖe edzi wu ɖesiaɖe. Agbalẽ si nye Fatherless America gblɔ be: “Ðevi siwo katã dzim wole le [United States] fifia ƒe akpa ɖeka le etɔ̃ me lɔƒo nye esiwo ame maɖesrɔ̃wo dzi.” Le ɖevi siwo ade 500,000 siwo wodzina na ƒe 15 va ɖo 19 viwo ƒe sia ƒe dome la, wo dometɔ 78 le alafa me nyea esiwo wodzi na ƒewuivi maɖesrɔ̃wo. Gake xexeame katã ƒe kuxie ƒewuiviwo ƒe fufɔfɔ nye. Wɔna siwo me wofiaa mɔxexeɖefufɔfɔnu alo tea gbe ɖe gbɔdɔdɔ tsitsri dzi, mete ŋu trɔ ƒewuiviwo ƒe gbɔdɔdɔnuwɔnawo ale o.

Agbalẽ si nye Teenage Fathers, si Bryan E. Robinson ŋlɔ, ɖe eme be: “Womegabua gbɔmeyafufɔfɔ be enye ŋukpenanu kple gbɔɖiamenuwɔna abe alesi wònɔ le ƒe 1960 ƒeawo me  ene o le esi hadomenuwɔnawo ɖe mɔ ɖe gbɔdɔdɔ kple gbɔdɔdɔ do ŋgɔ na srɔ̃ɖeɖe ŋu faa wu tsã ta. . . . Azɔ hã wotsɔ gbɔdɔdɔ le fu ɖem na egbe sɔhɛwo ɣesiaɣi to boblododo, hadzidzi, sinimawo, kple television dzi. Amerikatɔwo ƒe nyakakamɔnuwo gblɔna na sɔhɛwo be gbɔdɔdɔ nyɔa lɔlɔ̃ ɖe ame me, evivina, eye wòdoa dzidzɔ na ame, gake womefiaa nu wo le nusi gbɔdɔdɔ ɖe lãmenusese kple dzodzro nu ko gblẽna le ame ŋu le agbenɔnɔ ŋutɔŋutɔ me ya gbeɖe o.”

Edze abe sɔhɛ geɖe menya naneke tso gbɔdɔdɔmanɔsenu me tsonuwo ŋu o ene. Se nya siwo wogblɔ agbalẽŋlɔla Robinson se ƒe ɖewo ɖa: “‘Nyɔnuvia ƒe dzedzeme meɖi amesi [ate ŋu afɔ fu o]’; ‘Zi ɖeka koe míedɔna le kwasiɖa ɖeka me’; alo ‘Nyemebui be gbɔdɔdɔ zi gbãtɔ ate ŋu ana ame nafɔ fu o.’” Gake sɔhɛ aɖewo nyae kɔte be gbɔdɔdɔ ate ŋu ahe fufɔfɔ vɛ. Agbalẽ si nye Young Unwed Fathers gblɔ be: “Le sɔhɛ siwo [le dugã titina] dometɔ geɖe gome la, gbɔdɔdɔ nye ŋkɔxɔxɔ le hadome ƒe dzesi vevi aɖe; ŋkɔxɔxɔ le gbɔdɔdɔ me nye dzidzedzekpɔkpɔ ƒe dzesi. Ðetugbi geɖe tsɔa wo ɖokui nana wodɔa wo gbɔ wònyea nunana ɖekakpui aɖe be eƒe susu natrɔ ɖe yewo ŋu.” Le dugã titina nuto aɖewo me la, wote ŋu ɖua fewu le ɖekakpui siwo si vi mele o ŋu be wonye “ame manyanyɔnuwo”!

Nɔnɔmea gavloe ɖe edzi ne ède ŋugble tso numekuku aɖe si wowɔ le ƒe 1993 me, tso sukuvi siwo nye vidadawo le California la me tsonuwo ŋu. Eva dze be ɖetugbiawo ƒe akpa eve le etɔ̃ me fɔ fu, eye menye ahiãvi ƒewuiviwoe do fuawo o, ke ŋutsu siwo xɔ ƒe 20 kple edzivɔwoe! Le nyateƒe me la, numekuku aɖewo ɖee fia be vidada siwo nye ƒewuivi srɔ̃manɔsitɔ geɖe nye ɖevi siwo nu woble hedɔ wo gbɔ sesẽe—alo wowɔ ŋutasẽnu ɖe wo ŋu gɔ̃ hã. Numadzɔmadzɔ mawo ƒe takeke ɖe alesi gbegbe ameƒome si li egbea ƒe agbenɔnɔ gblẽ hedzi ŋɔe la fia.—Timoteo II, 3:13.

Nusita Ðekakpuiwo Dzona

Ƒã hafi ŋutsuvi ƒewuiviwo tsɔa wo vi dzi kpɔkpɔ ƒe agbanɔamedzia ɣeyiɣi didi. Ðekakpui aɖe si ƒe ahiãvi fɔ fu gblɔ be: “Ðeko megblɔ nɛ be, ‘Kpɔ ɖa woe, eseƒee nye ma hee.’” Gake abe alesi Family Life Educator me nyati aɖe ɖee fiae ene la, “ɖekakpui vifofo akpa gãtɔ dina vevie be yewoanɔ ƒomedodo kplikplikpli me kple yewo viawo.” Numekuku aɖe si wowɔ tso sɔhɛ vifofo srɔ̃manɔsitɔwo ŋu ɖee fia be, wo dometɔ 70 le alafa me srãa wo viwo kpɔna zi ɖeka le kwasiɖa ɖeka me. Nyatia xlɔ̃ nu be, “Gake ne ɖeviawo le tsitsim la, sasrãkpɔa dzi ɖena.”

Vifofo ƒe 17 vi aɖe gblɔ nusitae kpuie ale: “Ne ɖe menya be aleae wòasesẽe do ŋgɔ la, anye ne nyemana wòadzɔ gbeɖe o.” Tsitsi le seselelãme gome loo alo nuteƒekpɔkpɔ si woatsɔ anɔ te ɖe nusi dzilanyenye ƒe agbanɔamedzi bia nu mele sɔhɛwo akpa gãtɔ si o. Azɔ hã hehexɔxɔ alo dɔwɔɖaŋu siwo hiã woatsɔ awɔ dɔ akpɔ ame dzi mele wo dometɔ geɖe si o. Be woaganɔ anyi ŋukpe nava lé wo le esi wodo kpo nu ta o la, ɖeko ɖekakpuiawo dometɔ geɖe dzona le wo viawo gbɔ. Vifofo aɖe si nye ɖekakpui ʋu eme be: “Kuxiwo yɔ nye agbe me fũ.” Bubu fa konyi be: “Nyemete ŋu le ɖokuinye dzi kpɔm o; eye nyemenya nusi wɔ ge mala ne ebia be makpɔ [vinye ŋutsu] hã dzi o.”

Weintsetse Hɔhlɔ̃e

Israel-viwo doa lo le Biblia ƒe ɣeyiɣiwo me be: “Dzilawo ɖu weintsetse hɔhlɔ̃e, eye aɖu nyɔ ɖeviwo.” (Xezekiel 18:2, Today’s English Version) Mawu gblɔ na Yudatɔwo bena mehiã be wòanɔ nenema, be woawɔ vodada siwo wowɔ va yi la ake le etsɔme o. (Xezekiel 18:3) Ke hã edze abe ɖevi miliɔn geɖe le wo dzilawo ƒe “weintsetse hɔhlɔ̃e” ƒe veve ɖɔm kpɔ ene—wole wo dzilawo ƒe ɖevimenuwɔnawo, nuwɔwɔ eŋu mabumabui, kple srɔ̃ɖeɖe me kpododonuwo ƒe tohehe ŋu fetu xɔm. Kpuie ko la, numekukua ɖee fia gaglã be ɖevi siwo tsi tɔmanɔsii nye amesiwo dzea ŋgɔ seselelãme kple ŋutilãme kuxi gbogbowo. (Kpɔ aɖaka si le axa 7.) Esi wɔ nublanui wue nye be zi geɖe nusi na tɔmanɔsiƒewo xɔ anyinɔ enye be etsia anyi tso dzidzime yi dzidzime—si nye vevesese kple nuxaxa si yia edzi ɖaa.

Ðe wòfia be tɔmanɔsiƒomewo mate ŋu akpɔ dzidzedze gbeɖe oa? Kura o. Le nyateƒe me la, nyanyui si li enye be woate ŋu atsi tɔmenɔsiƒomewo ƒe nɔnɔmea ƒe anyinɔnɔ ɖaa nu. Míaƒe nyati si kplɔe ɖo adzro alesi esia ate ŋu adzɔe me.

[Etenuŋɔŋlɔwo]

 [Aɖaka/Nɔnɔmetata si le axa 7]

TSITSI TƆMANƆSII ME FƆKUWO

Tsitsi tɔmanɔsii hea afɔku gãwo vaa ɖeviwo dzii. Togbɔ be ŋugbledede tso nyatakaka siwo gbɔna ŋu ate ɖe ame aɖewo dzi hã la, afɔkuawo nyanyae nye afɔɖeɖe gbãtɔ le mɔxexe ɖe eƒe nugbegblẽa nu alo ne mede ɖeke o la, edziɖeɖekpɔtɔ me. Azɔ hã de dzesii be ƒuƒoƒowo ŋue numekuku ƒe akɔntabubu siwo wobu la ku ɖo ke menye ame ɖekaɖekawo o. Ðevi geɖe tsina le tɔmanɔsiƒewo me gake womedoa go kuxi siawo dometɔ aɖeke o. Abe alesi míaƒe nyati mamlɛa aɖee fia ene la, dzilawo ƒe akpa dzi wɔwɔ kple Biblia me gɔmeɖosewo ŋudɔwɔwɔ ate ŋu awɔ akpa vevi aɖe le nɔnɔme sesẽ siawo siwo ate ŋu ado mo ɖa nu tsitsi me. Azɔ de ŋugble tso afɔku siwo ate ŋu adze ŋgɔ tɔmanɔsiviwo la dometɔ aɖewo ŋu kpɔ.

▪ Ate Ŋu Adzɔ Bɔbɔe Be Woadɔ Egbɔ Sesẽe

Numekuku ɖee fia kɔte be tɔmanɔsitɔnyenye dzia ɖeviwo gbɔ dɔdɔ sesẽe ɖe edzi. Numekuku aɖe ɖee fia be le ɖevi 52,000 siwo gbɔ wodɔ sesẽe gome la, wo dometɔ “72 le alafa me nye ɖevi siwo le aƒe siwo me wo dzila ŋutɔŋutɔ dometɔ ɖeka alo evea siaa mele o me.” Agbalẽ si nye Fatherless America te tɔ ɖe edzi be: “Nusiwo koŋ gbɔ ɖeviwo gbɔ dɔdɔ sesẽe ƒe dzidziɖedzia tso le míaƒe dukɔa mee nye vifofo siwo mele wo srɔ̃wo gbɔ o si le dzidzim ɖe edzi kple atikɔmefofowo, ahiãviwo, kpakple ŋutsu siwo menye ƒometɔ o alo esiwo va srãa wo kpɔ ƒe dzidziɖedzi.”

▪ Anɔ Bɔbɔe Wu Be Wòaƒo Eɖokui Ðe Gbɔdɔdɔnuwɔnawo me Kaba

Esi wònye dzilawo ƒe asi mesẽna boo ɖe ɖeviwo dzi le dzilaɖekɛƒomewo me o ta la, mɔnukpɔkpɔwo ʋuna na wo zi geɖe be woaƒo wo ɖokui ɖe agbegbegblẽnɔnɔ me. Dzilawo ƒe hehenana si nu mesẽ o hã ate ŋu anye kuxiawo dometɔ ɖeka. United States ƒe Lãmesẽnya Kple Kpekpeɖeŋunana Dɔwɔƒe gblɔ be: “Nyɔnuvi tɔmanɔsitɔwo ƒe fufɔfɔ le bɔbɔe zi gbɔ zi eve kple afã wu.”

▪ Ahedada

Numekuku aɖe si wowɔ tso ɖetugbi ƒewuivi siwo nye ameyibɔwo le South Africa ŋu ɖee fia be ahedada koŋue nye nusi ɖea fu na dzila srɔ̃manɔsitɔwo wu. Numekukua wɔlawo gblɔ be: “Anɔ eme be ƒewuiviawo dometɔ 50 le alafa me lɔƒo magate ŋu atrɔ ayi suku o.” Vidada srɔ̃manɔsitɔ geɖe va zua gbolowo kple atikevɔ̃ɖisitsalawo. Nɔnɔmea meka ɖe eme boo le Ɣedzeƒe dukɔwo me o. Le United States la, “ɖevi siwo le ƒome siwo me dzila evea siaa le dometɔ 10 le alafa me ye da ahe [le ƒe 1995 me], ne míetsɔe sɔ kple ɖevi siwo nɔ nyɔnu ɖeka ƒomewo me siwo dometɔ 50 le alafa me da ahe.”—America’s Children: Key National Indicators of Well-Being 1997.

▪ Wo Gbegblẽɖi

Esi wòzu dzizizi na dzilaɖekɛƒomewo be woadagba le wo ɖokui si ta la, wo dometɔ aɖewo ƒe agbanɔamedziwo do agbogbo ɖe wo dzi ale gbegbe be womekpɔa ɣeyiɣi geɖe ɖe wo viwo ŋu o. Nyɔnu aɖe si wogbe ɖo ŋku edzi be: “Mewɔa dɔ le ŋkeke me eye meyia suku le zã me—mewɔa fu ɖokuinye. Megblẽ ɖeviawo ɖi keŋkeŋ.”

▪ Nugbegblẽ le Woƒe Seselelãme Ŋu

Numekulawo abe Ðk. Judith Wallerstein ene, kpɔe be ɖe srɔ̃gbegbe dea seselelãmebi siwo nɔa anyi didi ɖeviwo ŋu boŋ, ke menaa wogaɖoa wo ɖokui me le ɣeyiɣi kpui aɖe megbe abe alesi eŋutinunyala aɖewo gblɔe ene o. “Ðekakpui kple ɖetugbi siwo xɔ tso ƒe wuiasieke vaseɖe blaeve vɔ asieke dometɔ siwo sɔ gbɔ vie wu woƒe memama etɔ̃ ƒe akpa ɖeka meɖo taɖodzinu gobii aɖeke na wo ɖokui le wo dzilawo ƒe wo nɔewo gbegbe ƒe ewo megbe o. Ðeko wole yiyim le agbe me taɖodzinu aɖeke manɔsitɔe . . . eye mɔkpɔkpɔ aɖeke mele wo si o.” (Second Chances, si Ðk. Judith Wallerstein kple Sandra Blakeslee ŋlɔ) Asixɔxɔmadeameɖokuiŋu, blanuiléle, nutovowɔwɔ, kple dzikudodo ɣesiaɣi ye nye nɔnɔme siwo ɖevi siwo dzilawo gbe wo nɔewo ɖena fiana.

Agbalẽ si nye The Single-Parent Family gblɔ be: “Numekuku geɖewo ɖee fia be ŋutsuvi siwo wonyi vifofo ƒe kpɔɖeŋu kple asi sesẽe manɔmee mewɔa nu ŋutsutɔe o, womedea asixɔxɔ wo ɖokui ŋu o, eye le woƒe tsitsime la, esesẽna na wo be woatu ƒomedodo kplikplikpliwo ɖo. Zi geɖe la, kuxi siwo ado mo ɖa le nyɔnuvi siwo wonyi vifofo ƒe kpɔɖeŋu kple asi sesẽe manɔmee gome medzena o vaseɖe woƒe ɖetugbi me alo emegbe hafi, hekpe ɖe eŋu la, ŋutsu kple nyɔnu dome ƒomedodo dzidzedzetɔe menya wɔna na wo le woƒe tsitsime o.”