Chapter 26

Masturbation​—How Can I Fight the Urge?

“IT IS a very strong addiction,” said a young man who struggled with masturbation for over 15 years. “It can be just as habit forming as any drug or alcoholic beverage.”

The apostle Paul, however, did not let his desires become like a harsh master. On the contrary, he wrote: “I pummel my body [fleshly desires] and lead it as a slave.” (1 Corinthians 9:27) He got tough with himself! A similar effort will enable anyone to break free from masturbation.

“Prepare Your Minds for Action”

Many masturbate to relieve tension and anxiety. Masturbation, though, is a childish way to react to problems. (Compare 1 Corinthians 13:11.) Better it is to show “thinking ability” and attack the problem itself. (Proverbs 1:4) When problems and frustrations seem overwhelming, “throw all your anxiety upon [God].”​—1 Peter 5:6, 7.

Suppose you accidentally see or hear something that is sexually stimulating? The Bible recommends: “Prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled.” (1 Peter 1:13, New International Version) Exert your mind and reject the immoral thought. The arousal will soon die down.

Rejecting bad thoughts is especially difficult, though, when one is alone at night. One young woman advises:  “The best thing to do is get right out of bed and get busy with some type of work, or maybe have a little snack, so that your mind turns to other things.” Yes, force yourself to ‘consider whatever things are of serious concern, righteous, chaste, lovable, well spoken of.’​—Philippians 4:8.

When you have difficulty falling asleep, endeavor to imitate faithful King David, who wrote: “When I have remembered you [God] upon my lounge, during the night watches I meditate on you.” (Psalm 63:6) Forcing your mind to ponder on God and his qualities will often break the spell. It also helps if you keep thinking of how God views this unclean habit.​—Psalm 97:10.

Take Preventive Measures

“Shrewd is the one that has seen the calamity and proceeds to conceal himself, but the inexperienced have passed along and must suffer the penalty,” wrote the inspired wise man. (Proverbs 22:3) You can show yourself shrewd by exercising forethought. For example, if you find that engaging in certain activities, wearing tight-fitting clothing, or eating certain foods has caused you to become sexually stimulated, then by all means avoid such. Alcoholic drinks, for example, can lower one’s inhibitions and make self-control harder. Also, avoid like the plague any reading matter, TV programs, or movies with sensuous themes. “Make my  eyes pass on from seeing what is worthless,” prayed the psalmist.​—Psalm 119:37.

Preventive measures can also be taken for those times when you are particularly vulnerable. A young woman may find that her sexual desires become more intense at certain times of the month. Or one may be emotionally hurt or depressed. “Have you shown yourself discouraged in the day of distress? Your power will be scanty,” warns Proverbs 24:10. So avoid being alone for long periods of time. Plan upbuilding activities that will keep your mind involved in challenging undertakings, giving it less opportunity to gravitate toward immoral thoughts.

A Spiritual Offensive

A 27-year-old man who had struggled with the habit since he was 11 was finally able to gain the victory. “It was a matter of going on the offensive,” he explained. “I read the Bible, at least two chapters every single day without exception.” He has done this without fail for over three years. Advises yet another Christian: “Before going to bed, read something related to spiritual things. It is very important that the last thought of the day be a spiritual one. Prayer at this time is also extremely helpful.”

“Having plenty to do in the work of the Lord,” such as the work of teaching others the Bible, also helps. (1 Corinthians 15:58) One woman who overcame masturbation stated: “One thing that now really helps me to avoid this habit is that as a full-time evangelizer my mind and energies are all turned toward helping others to gain an approved relationship with God.”

By heartfelt prayer, you can also beg God for “the power beyond what is normal.” (2 Corinthians 4:7) “Before him [God] pour out your heart.” (Psalm 62:8)  One young woman says: “Prayer is an instant tower of strength. Praying at the time the desire arises definitely helps.” Also, upon rising and throughout the day, express your resolve to God and plead for his strengthening holy spirit.​—Luke 11:13.

Help From Others

If your personal efforts are not successful, speak to someone who can help, such as a parent or a Christian elder. Young women may find it helpful to confide in a mature Christian woman. (Titus 2:3-5) One young man who was at the point of despair said: “I talked privately with my father one evening about it.” He revealed: “It took everything I had to tell him. I cried as I told him, I was so ashamed. But I’ll never forget what he said. With a reassuring smile on his face, he said: ‘You make me so proud of you.’ He knew what I had to go through to get to that point. No words could have lifted my spirits and determination more.

“My father then showed me a few scriptures to help me see that I was not ‘too far gone,’” continued the youth, “and then some more scriptures to be sure I understood the seriousness of my wrong course. He said to ‘keep the slate clean’ until a certain time, and we would discuss it again then. He told me not to let it crush me if I relapsed, just go a longer period of time without giving in the next time.” After overcoming the problem fully, the young man added: “Having someone else aware of my problem and helping me was the greatest benefit.”

Dealing With a Relapse

After working hard to overcome the habit, one youth suffered a relapse. He admitted: “It was like a crushing weight on me. I felt so unworthy. I then rationalized: ‘I’m too far gone. I don’t have Jehovah’s favor  anyhow, so why be tough on myself?’” However, a relapse does not mean that one has lost the fight. One 19-year-old girl recalls: “At first it happened about every night, but then I began relying on Jehovah more, and with the help of his spirit I now only fail maybe six times a year. I feel very bad afterward, but each time I fail, when the next temptation comes, I’m much stronger.” So gradually she is winning her fight.

When a relapse occurs, analyze what led up to it. One youth says: “I review what I have been reading or thinking about. Almost always I can pinpoint the reason I slipped. This way I can stop doing that and correct it.”

The Rewards of a Good Fight

Said one youth who overcame masturbation: “Since overcoming the problem, I can keep a clean conscience before Jehovah, and that is something that I wouldn’t trade for anything!”

Yes, a good conscience, an improved sense of self-worth, greater moral strength, and a closer relationship with God are all rewards of a good fight against masturbation. Says one young woman who finally overcame masturbation: “Believe me, the victory over this habit is well worth the effort put forth.”

Questions for Discussion

□ Why is it dangerous to dwell on erotic thoughts? What can a youth do to get his or her mind onto something else?

□ What preventive measures might a youth take to lessen the temptation to indulge in masturbation?

□ Why is a spiritual offensive helpful?

□ What role does prayer play in overcoming this habit?

□ Why is it helpful to confide in someone if there is a problem in this regard?

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Pornography​—Habit-Forming and Dangerous!

“Pornography is everywhere: you walk down the street​—there it is displayed openly on newsstands,” recalled 19-year-old Ronald. “Some of our teachers would bring it to school, reading it at their desks while waiting for the next class.” Yes, many people of various ages, backgrounds, and educational levels are avid readers of pornography. A youth named Mark said: “When I read girlie magazines and viewed the photographs it was exciting! . . . I looked forward to new issues of these magazines because going through ones I had finished didn’t give me the same flush of excitement. It’s habit-forming.” But is it a good habit?

Pornography has an overwhelming message: ‘Sex is purely for self-gratification.’ Much of it is saturated with rape and sadistic violence. Many viewers soon find that “milder” forms (soft-core) are no longer stimulating and so they seek out pictures or movies that are even more obscene! As Ernest van den Haag, an assistant professor at New York University, said: “Pornography invites us to perceive others only as pieces of meat, as objects of exploitation for the sake of our own sensations of pleasure.”

Pornography further presents a warped, idolized view of sex that often leads to marital problems. Says one young wife: “Reading pornography caused me to desire with my husband the abnormal things portrayed in the books. This led to constant frustration and a letdown sexually.” A 1981 survey was conducted among several hundred women regarding the effects of pornography on their rapport with the men in their lives who read it. Nearly one half reported that it caused serious problems. It actually destroyed some marriages or engagements. One  wife lamented: “I can only assume by [my husband’s] need and desire for sexual release with pornography that I am inadequate . . . I wish to God I were a woman who could satisfy him, but he prefers plastic and paper and his need has destroyed a part of me. . . . Pornography is . . . anti-love . . . It is ugly, cruel and destructive.”

Of greatest concern to Christian youths, however, is the fact that pornography directly works against one’s efforts to be clean in God’s sight. (2 Corinthians 6:17–7:1) The Bible shows that “because of the insensibility of their hearts” some in ancient times came “to be past all moral sense” and “gave themselves over to loose conduct to work uncleanness of every sort with greediness.” (Ephesians 4:18, 19) Would you want to experience such corruption? Remember, even an occasional indulgence in pornography can have a desensitizing effect on one’s conscience. It has led some young Christians to masturbation and, worse yet, sexual immorality. The wise thing, then, is to work hard to stay free from pornography.

“Many times pornography is in my direct line of sight,” says young Darryl. “So I am forced to see it at first glance; but I don’t have to look a second time.” Yes, refuse to look where it is openly displayed, and refuse to allow classmates to goad you into looking at it. As 18-year-old Karen reasoned: “As an imperfect person it is difficult enough trying to keep my mind on things that are chaste and praiseworthy. Would it not be all the more difficult if I deliberately read pornography?”

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“Prayer is an instant tower of strength. Praying at the time the desire arises definitely helps”