Teens Need “Human Connection Time”

EVERY caring parent knows that toddlers thrive on loving attention and that they will crawl onto their parent’s lap when they need to be cuddled. By the time they reach adolescence, however, they are more likely to push parents away, says Dr. Barbara Staggers, director of adolescent medicine at Children’s Hospital and Research Center in Oakland, California, U.S.A. Yet, this is the time in life when they most need parental attention. Why is that the case?

With adolescence comes unstructured and unsupervised time, and this is one of the biggest dangers facing teenagers, according to Staggers. “Adolescence,” she says in the Toronto Star newspaper report, “is a time when kids are learning about who they are and how they fit into the world around them. Mix that with the propensity for risk-taking and the power of peer pressure, and the perils can be huge.” Adolescence consists of various stages and is not about age. Rather, as Staggers says, “it’s about how [teenagers] are functioning and processing information and experimenting.” Early adolescence is a time of self-absorption, preoccupation with body changes, and impulsiveness. Middle adolescence is characterized more by experimentation, and late adolescence by independent thinking.

Yes, teenage years can be exciting, but they can also be confusing​—both for parents and for teenagers. Staggers, who has looked after adolescents for more than 20 years, says most of them “need human connection time with an adult who cares about them.” How is this achieved?

Keep the lines of communication open! Parents, reassure your children that you care about them by being a good listener. Show you care by asking questions to help your teenagers piece thoughts and ideas together and to help them to identify the consequences of any poor decisions they may make. Be positive about the good that results from right decisions. Help them to know what behavior is acceptable.

If parents follow conventional wisdom that children must learn to handle problems on their own, they leave young ones vulnerable to the harmful influence of unprincipled and unscrupulous individuals. (Proverbs 13:20) On the other hand, parents who apply Bible counsel will give their children the best possible opportunity to make their way successful through adolescence and to become responsible adults. Parents, therefore, must learn to “train up a boy according to the way for him.”​—Proverbs 22:6.

Practical advice on effective communication and training of teenage offspring is contained in the book The Secret of Family Happiness. a It also offers practical Scriptural counsel for each member of the family.

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