Young People Ask

What Can I Wear?

Heather is ready to walk out the door, and her parents can’t believe their eyes.

“You’re wearing that?” her dad blurts out.

“Why not?” Heather replies, sounding astonished. “I’m just going to the mall with friends.”

“Not in that outfit!” her mom says.

“But Mom,” Heather whines, “this is what all the kids are wearing, . . . and besides, it makes a statement!”

“Well, we don’t like what it’s stating!” Dad shoots back. “Now go upstairs and change, young lady, or you’re not going anywhere!”

WARDROBE wars are nothing new. Your parents may have fought similar battles with their parents when they were your age. And back then, they probably felt the same way you feel today! But now they’ve switched sides, and the issue of what you can wear causes one skirmish after another.

You say: It’s comfortable.

They say: It’s sloppy.

You say: It’s so adorable!

They say: It’s too provocative.

You say: It’s half-price.

They say: It should be. . . . Half of it is missing!

Is there any way to declare a cease-fire? Yes! Megan, now 23, knows the secret. “There doesn’t have to be an argument,” she says. “There can be an agreement.” Agreement? Does that mean you have to dress like a 40-year-old? Relax! To agree just means that you and your parents discuss your differences and brainstorm other options that they​—and you—​can be happy with. The benefits?

1. You’ll look your best, even to your peers.

2. Your parents will be less likely to criticize what you wear.

3. After seeing how responsible you are in this area, your parents may even grant you other freedoms.

So let’s get started. Think of a “must-have” outfit that you’ve spotted online or at the store. The first thing to do is . . .

Consider Bible Principles

The Bible says surprisingly little about dress. In fact, you could read aloud all the Scriptural admonition that directly relates to  the subject in just a couple of minutes! In that time, though, you would find solid, valuable guidelines. For example:

▪ The Bible advises women to adorn themselves “with modesty and soundness of mind.” *​—1 Timothy 2:9, 10.

The word “modesty” might make you worry. ‘Do I have to wear a sack?’ you may wonder. Not at all! In this context, modesty means that your clothes show you have self-respect and consideration for others’ feelings. (2 Corinthians 6:3) A wide variety of clothing fits those criteria. “It might be challenging,” says Danielle, 23, “but you can be fashionable without wearing extreme styles.”

▪ The Bible says that when it comes to appearance, you should focus on “the secret person of the heart”​—or, as Today’s English Version renders it, “your true inner self.”​—1 Peter 3:4.

An immodest outfit may momentarily turn heads, but it’s your inner beauty that will win the long-term respect of adults and your peers. Your peers? Yes​—even they may see the folly of excessive styles. “It’s sickening to see the way women practically throw themselves at men by what they wear!” says 16-year-old Brittany. Kay would agree. Describing a former friend, she says: “Everything she wore had ‘look-at-me’ written all over it. She wanted the attention of the guys, and to get it she would wear the most eye-catching outfits she could find.”

Fashion Tip: Avoid styles that highlight sexuality. They make you appear desperate and  self-absorbed. They could also make you a target for harassment​—or worse. In contrast, modest clothing enhances your appearance and highlights your good qualities.

Get Your Parents’ Input

Stuffing a daring outfit into your backpack and changing into it at school is not the way to go. You’ll gain more trust from your parents if you’re open and honest with them, even in things that you think you could get away with. In fact, you’d probably do well to seek out their opinion when you’re considering an outfit.​—Proverbs 15:22.

But why would you want to do that? Isn’t it your parents’ job to stifle your fashion sense? Not really. True, your dad and mom may look at things from a different perspective. But sometimes that’s what you need. “I appreciate my parents’ advice,” says 17-year-old Nataleine, “because I don’t want to walk out of the house embarrassing myself or to be the one that people are talking about negatively because of my appearance.”

Besides, let’s face it: As long as you’re under your parents’ roof, you’re under their authority. (Colossians 3:20) Still, once you understand their views​—and they, yours—​you might be surprised at how often you can come to an agreement. As a result, the wardrobe wars may finally be over!

Fashion Tip: When trying on clothing, think of more than what you see in the mirror. A seemingly modest outfit may change when you sit down or bend over to pick up something. If possible, get the opinion of a parent or a mature friend.

More articles from the “Young People Ask” series can be found at the Web site www.watchtower.org/​ype

[Footnote]

TO THINK ABOUT

Think of an outfit you’d like to purchase. Then ask yourself:

▪ What “message” does it convey?

▪ What possible reaction might it cause in others?

▪ Am I really seeking that reaction and its consequences?

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Wardrobe Work Sheet

Instructions: Copy this page. Have your parents fill out the column on the right while you fill out the left-hand column. Later, swap work sheets with your parents, and discuss your answers. Are there any surprises? What did each of you learn about the others’ perspective that you did not know before?

FOR YOU

Think about a particular outfit that you want to wear or purchase.

▪ Why do you like this particular outfit? Number the factors below in order of your priority.

․․․․․ Brand name

․․․․․ Appeal to the opposite sex

․․․․․ Acceptability to peers

․․․․․ Comfort

․․․․․ Price

․․․․․ Other ․․․․․

▪ My parents’ initial reaction to this outfit will probably be

□ “No way!”

□ “Maybe.”

□ “No problem.”

▪ The most likely reason for their objection is

□ “It’s too provocative.”

□ “It’s too sloppy.”

□ “It’s too trendy.”

□ “It reflects badly on us as your parents.”

□ “It’s too expensive.”

□ Other ․․․․․

CAN WE WORK TOGETHER ON THIS?

▪ What merit can I see in my parents’ view?

․․․․․

▪ What, if anything, can be done to make the garment acceptable?

․․․․․

FOR YOUR PARENTS

Think about a particular outfit that your adolescent wants to wear or purchase.

▪ Why, do you think, does your child like this outfit? Number the factors below according to what you think are his or her priorities.

․․․․․ Brand name

․․․․․ Appeal to the opposite sex

․․․․․ Acceptability to peers

․․․․․ Comfort

․․․․․ Price

 ․․․․․ Other ․․․․․

▪ My initial reaction is

□ “No way!”

□ “Maybe.”

□ “No problem.”

▪ The reason for my objection is

□ “It’s too provocative.”

□ “It’s too sloppy.”

□ “It’s too trendy.”

□ “It reflects badly on us as your parents.”

□ “It’s too expensive.”

□ Other ․․․․․

CAN WE WORK TOGETHER ON THIS?

▪ Is our objection to this outfit merely a matter of our personal taste?

□ Yes □ Possibly □ No

▪ What, if anything, can be done to make the garment acceptable?

․․․․․

THE DECISION

․․․․․

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WHAT YOUR PEERS SAY

“It’s all right to have ‘style’ in what you wear, as long as it doesn’t conflict with Bible principles. There are a lot of things that you can buy that look good and are not objectionable.”​—Derrick.

“When I was a teenager, I wanted to be independent. I didn’t like being told what I could wear. In time, though, I realized that I wasn’t getting the respect I wanted​—not until I started considering the opinion of my parents and older ones.”​—Megan.

“When I see girls wearing sleazy clothes, my respect for them decreases. On the other hand, when I see people wearing modest yet cute clothing, I think to myself, ‘That’s how I want people to see me.’”​—Nataleine.

[Box/​Picture on page 21]

WHAT ABOUT BOYS?

The Bible principles discussed in this article apply to boys too. Be modest. Let the secret person of your heart​—your true inner self—​shine through. When considering an item of clothing, ask yourself: ‘What will it say about me? Does this “statement” reflect who I really am?’ Remember, clothing is a form of expression. Make sure that your clothes reflect the ideals that you believe in!

[Box on page 21]

A NOTE TO PARENTS

Consider the opening scenario in this article, and imagine that Heather is your daughter. You cannot help but notice the skimpy outfit she’s wearing​—a little too much of nothing, in your view. Your reaction is immediate, “Go upstairs and change, young lady, or you’re not going anywhere!” Such a response may well get results. After all, your daughter has little choice but to comply. But how do you teach her to change her thinking and not just her clothes?

▪ First, remember that the consequences of immodesty must matter as much or more to your adolescent than they do to you. Deep down, your adolescent does not want to look foolish or invite unwanted attention. Patiently point out that immodest styles are really not flattering. * Recommend alternatives.

▪ Second, “let your reasonableness become known.” (Philippians 4:5) Ask yourself, ‘Does the garment violate a Bible principle, or is this just a matter of personal taste?’ (2 Corinthians 1:24) If it is a matter of taste, can you make a concession?

▪ Third, don’t just tell your adolescent what is not acceptable. Help him or her to find clothes that are appropriate. It will be well worth your time and effort.

[Footnote]