Yindaba Kuqakathekile Ukuba Lethemba?

KWAKUZAKWENZAKALANI kuDaniel esikhulume ngaye esihlokweni esidlulileyo aluba waqhubeka elethemba? Kambe ukuthi wayezasila yini? Aluba ukhona yini lamuhla? Labantu abathi ukuba lethemba kuyancenda bangathwala nzima ukuphendula imibuzo le. Lokhu kwenza sinanzelele ukuthi ukuba lethemba akutsho ukuthi sizasila kuyo yonke imikhuhlane engasihlasela.

Omunye udokotela okuthiwa nguNathan Cherney wathi ebuzwa emsakazweni ngendaba le waveza ukuthi kuyingozi ukutshela abantu abagula kakhulu ukuthi babe lethemba. Ngokwesibonelo, wakhuluma ngamanye amadoda asola omkawo esithi ukungabi lethemba yikho okwenza bangasili. Waphinda wathi umcabango lo awuqondanga ngoba ukukhuthaza umuntu ukuthi abe lethemba elinjalo kwenza adane nxa engasasilanga.

Kufanele sikhumbule ukuthi umuntu ogula kakhulu uyabe evele ethwele nzima ngobuhlungu abuzwayo. Ngakho izihlobo labangane akumelanga bangezelele ubuhlungu lobo ngokumtshela ukuthi ukungabi lethemba yikho okwenza angasili. Lokhu sekusitsho ukuthi ukuba lethemba akuncedi yini?

Hatshi. Ngokwesibonelo, udokotela esike sakhuluma ngaye phezulu uthi uyazama ukunceda izigulane ukuthi zingacabangi kakhulu ngomkhuhlane ezilawo. Lokhu ukwenza ngokuzikhuthaza ukuthi zihlaliseke lokuthi zingahlali zidanile. Abanye odokotela bayavuma ukuthi kuqakathekile ukunceda umuntu ogulayo ukuthi athokoze njalo ahlaliseke. Kulobufakazi obutshengisa ukuthi ukuba lethemba lakho kungamnceda sibili umuntu ogulayo.

Ukuba Lethemba Kuqakathekile

Intathelizindaba okuthiwa nguW. Gifford-Jones wathi: “Ithemba lingumuthi omkhulu.” Wahlola imibiko etshiyeneyo eyakhitshwa ngabachwayisisayo ukuze abone ukuthi kuqakathekile yini ukuncedisa umuntu ogulayo ukuthi abe lethemba. Kucatshangelwa ukuthi ukuncedisa abagulayo ngalindlela kubenza bahlalele ethembeni. Ukuchwayisisa okwenziwa ngo-1989 kutshengisa ukuthi izigulane ezazincediswe ngalindlela zaphila okwesikhathi eside. Kodwa abachwayisisa ngendaba le khathesi abakatsho lutho ngakho lokhu. Osekutholakele yikuthi izigulane ezincediswa ukuthi zibe lethemba ziyenelisa ukubekezelela ubuhlungu ezibuzwayo njalo azikhathazeki kakhulu nxa kuqathaniswa lalezo ezingazange zithole uncedo olunjalo.

Kokunye njalo ukuhlola okwenziwayo kwakhangelwa ukuthi ukuba lethemba kumbe ukungabi lalo kungabangela umkhuhlane wenhliziyo yini. Kwabuzwa amadoda adlula 1 300 ukuthi ayibona njani impilo, kwasekutholakala ukuthi abanengi bakhona babengelathemba. Ngemva kweminyaka elitshumi amaphesenti adlula 12 kulawo madoda abanjwa umkhuhlane wenhliziyo. Isikhwicamfundo sezempilakahle okuthiwa nguLaura Kubzansky wathi lanxa ubufakazi bokuthi ukuba lethemba kuyanceda bungaveli kwabesayensi, buliqiniso ngoba ithemba liyanciphisa ukuhlaselwa ngumkhuhlane wenhliziyo.

Okunye ukuchwayisisa okwenziwayo kutshengisa ukuthi labo abazibona belempilakahle basila masinyane ngemva kokuhlinzwa nxa beqathaniswa lalabo abazibona bengaphilanga. Kucatshangelwa lokuthi abantu abalethemba baphila isikhathi eside. Kokunye njalo ukuhlola kwakhangelwa ukuthi ukuba lethemba kubanceda njani abantu asebeluphele. Kwatholakala ukuthi nxa behlala benconywa ngenhlakanipho kanye lolwazi abalalo baba lamandla okuqhubeka ngempilo. Amandla ababa lawo angalingana lamandla omuntu oqede amaviki angu-12 eqeqetsha umzimba!

Kuyini okwenza ithemba lincede kangaka? Mhlawumbe abezesayensi labodokotela abakakuzwisisi kuhle ukusebenza kwengqondo lomzimba womuntu okokuthi banganika izimpendulo ezisuthisayo. Kodwa kulokunye ingcitshi ezikutholileyo ngendaba le. Esinye isikhwicamfundo sathi: “Kuhle ukuthi umuntu ahlale ethokoza futhi elethemba ngoba kuyamnceda ukuthi abe lempilakahle njalo angakhathazeki kakhulu. Ngakho ngikhuthaza abantu ukuthi bahlale belethemba nxa befuna ukuba lempilakahle.”

Lokhu kungaba yinto entsha kwabanye odokotela, labezesayensi kanye lalabo abahlola ukusebenza kwengqondo yomuntu, kodwa akukutsha kulabo abajayelane leBhayibhili. Eminyakeni engaba ngu-3 000 eyadlulayo, uSolomoni waphefumulelwa ukuthi abhale amazwi la: “Inhliziyo ethokozayo ingumuthi omuhle, kodwa umoya owephukileyo womisa amathambo.” (IZaga 17:22) Ivesi le kayitsho ukuthi inhliziyo ethokozayo yelapha loba yiwuphi umkhuhlane kodwa ithi “ingumuthi omuhle.”

Njengoba ithemba linjengomuthi omuhle, odokotela kumele bakhuthaze izigulane ukuthi zibe lalo. Kulokunye futhi ithemba elisinceda ngakho.

Ukuba Lethemba Kungenza Impilo Yakho Ibe Ngcono

Abachwayisisayo bathi ukuba lethemba kunceda langezinye indlela ezitshiyeneyo. Izikhathi ezinengi abantu abahlala belethemba bayapasa esikolo, bakhuthele emsebenzini njalo bayanqoba lasemidlalweni. Ngokwesibonelo kwahlolwa elinye iqembu labesifazana abadlala imidlalo etshiyeneyo. Abaqeqetshi babo babahlolisisa ukuze babone ukuthi bazingcitshi kuyiphi imidlalo baphinda baxoxa labo bebabuza ukuthi balalo yini ithemba lokuthi bazanqoba. Ngemva komunye umncintiswano, kwatholakala ukuthi abesifazana labo banqoba ngoba babelethemba hatshi ukuthi babezingcitshi. Kuyini okwenza ithemba libe lamandla kangaka?

Abachwayisisayo badingisise lokuthi ukungabi lethemba kuba lempumela bani. Ngeminyaka yabo-1960 bahlolisisa indlela inyamazana ezenza ngayo nxa zisebunzimeni. Bathola ukuthi ezinye inyamazana zihle zikhalale ngoba ziyabe zicabanga ukuthi akulanto ezingayenza. Bananzelela lokuthi labantu balohlupho olufananayo. Ngokwesibonelo kwathathwa abanye abantu bafakwa endaweni elomsindo basebetshelwa ukuthi umsindo lo bangawucitsha ngokufithizela amabhathani athile. Bakwenza lokhu, lakanye umsindo waphela.

Kwathathwa elinye iqembu lafakwa endaweni efananayo laselitshelwa ukuthi umsindo lo lingawucitsha ngokuhlaba amabhathani athile kodwa umsindo awuzange uphele. Abanengi eqenjini leli bazizwa bengasibantu balutho. Bathi sebefakwa okwesibili endaweni le abasazange bazihluphe ngokuhlaba amabhathani okucitsha umsindo ngoba bazitshela ukuthi akulanto ezatshintsha. Kodwa eqenjini leli bakhona abangazange baphelelwe lithemba, babelokhu bezama ukucitsha umsindo owawulapho.

Udokotela okuthiwa nguMartin Seligman waba lesifiso sokwazi okunengi ngendaba le yikho okweminyaka engu-25 wachwayisisa okwenziwa ngabantu abalethemba lalokho okwenziwa ngabangelalo. Wayefuna ukubona ukuthi abantu abangelathemba bacabanga njani. Wathola ukuthi abantu abangelathemba abaphumeleli ezintweni ezinengi empilweni njalo kwezinye izikhathi abazihluphi ngokwenza loba yini. Waphetha ngokuthi nxa umuntu angahlala ezitshela ukuthi nguye obangela izinto ezimbi ezimehleleyo lokuthi impilo yakhe izahlala injalo, lokho yikho kanye okuzakwenzakala. Kodwa nxa angaba lethemba izinto ziyatshintsha sibili.

Umcabango lo ungazwakala umutsha kwabanye abantu kodwa kawumutsha kulabo ababala iBhayibhili. Isaga esiseBhayibhilini sithi: “Uba uphela amandla ngosuku lokuhlupheka, ubuthakathaka.” (IZaga 24:10, The Holy Bible in Ndebele) IBhayibhili likwenza kucace ukuthi ukukhathazeka kakhulu kuyakuqeda amandla uze wehluleke ukwenza loba yini. Manje ungenzani ukuze uqhubeke ulethemba?

 [Umfanekiso osekhasini 4, 5]

Ukuba lethemba kungakunceda kakhulu