Chifukwa Chimene Abambo Akusoŵera

“Sindikukumbukira kuti ndinaonapo mayi ndi bambo akumenyana kapena kukangana. Zimene ndikudziŵa n’zakuti ndinali ndi bambo ndiye kenaka tsiku lina anangosoŵa! Mpaka lero sindikudziŵa kumene bambo anga ali. Ndipo sindiwaganizira n’komwe.”—Bruce.

“Kusukulu kwathu mwana wopanda makolo onse aŵiri ndiponso amene sanali kukhala kunyumba ndinali ine ndekha . . . Nthaŵi zonse ndinkadzimva kuti ndilipo ndekha ndipo ndinkadzimva kuti ndine wosiyana kwambiri ndi anzanga onse amsinkhu wanga.”—Patricia.

VUTO la mabanja opanda bambo linadza m’nyengo imene mafakitale anayamba kugwiritsa ntchito makina amphamvu yotchedwa Industrial Revolution. Ntchito za mafakitale zitayamba kukopa amuna ambiri ndi kuwachititsa kuti asamapezeke kunyumba zawo, udindo wa bambo panyumba unayamba kuchepa; amayi anayamba kuchita mbali yaikulu ya ntchito yolera ana. * Ngakhale zinali choncho, abambo ambiri ankakhala ndi mabanja awo. Komabe, chapakatikati pa m’ma 1960, chiŵerengero cha chisudzulo ku United States chinayamba kukwera kwambiri. Mfundo zachipembedzo, chuma, ndiponso chikhalidwe zimene zinkalepheretsa anthu kusudzulana zinayamba kutha mphamvu. Mabanja ochuluka kwambiri anasankha kusudzulana chifukwa cholimbikitsidwa ndi malangizo a anthu odzitcha akatswiri amene anali kunena kuti kusudzulana sikumaika ana pavuto koma kwenikweni kungakhale kwabwino kwa anawo. Buku lotchedwa Divided Families—What Happens to Children When Parents Part, (Mabanja Ogaŵanika—Kodi Chimachitikira Ana N’chiyani Makolo Akalekana) lolembedwa ndi Frank F. Furstenberg, Jr., ndi Andrew J. Cherlin likuti: “Ku Belgium, France, ndi ku Switzerland ziŵerengero [za kusudzulana] zaŵirikiza [kuyambira m’ma 1960], pamene ku Canada, ndiponso ku Netherlands zaŵirikiza katatu.”

Ngakhale kuti pambuyo pa kusudzulana ana nthaŵi zambiri amakhala ndi amayi awo, abambo ambiri ochoka pabanja amafuna kukhalabe paunansi ndi anawo. Njira ina yotchuka ndiyo kulera anawo mogwirizana. Komabe, abambo ambiri osudzulidwa amaonana ndi ana awo mwapatalipatali basi, ndipo izi n’zodabwitsa. Kafukufuku wina anavumbula kuti amene amaonana ndi abambo awo osudzulidwa  mlungu uliwonse ndiye mwana mmodzi yekha mwa ana asanu ndi mmodzi alionse. Pafupifupi theka la anawo sanaonane ndi abambo awo kwa chaka chathunthu!

Kulephera Kulera Ana Mogwirizana

Kuti makolo osudzulana alere ana pamodzi, pamafunika kugwirizanika kwakukulu ndiponso kukhulupirirana, koma nthaŵi zambiri mikhalidwe yotereyi siipezeka. Ofufuza aŵiri otchedwa Fursteberg ndi Cherlin ananena kuti: “Chifukwa chachikulu chimene abambo amasiyira kukaona ana awo n’chakuti safuna kuti pakhale mgwirizano uliwonse pakati pawo ndi akazi awo akale. Ndipo akazi ambiri amawaganizira zomwezo amuna awo akale.”

N’zoona kuti abambo ochuluka osudzulidwa amakaona ana awo pafupipafupi. Koma chifukwa chakuti ana awo sakhala nawo m’moyo wa tsiku ndi tsiku, ena zimawavuta kuchita zinthu monga bambo akakhala ndi anawo. Ambiri amasankha kuchita zinthu monga mnzawo woseŵera naye, ndipo nthaŵi yonse imene amakhala nawo limodzi imathera pa maseŵera kapena pa kugula zinthu. Mnyamata wina wa zaka 14 wotchedwa Ari akulongosola zimene amachita ndi abambo ake akawayendera pa mapeto a mlungu, ponena kuti: “sipakhala nthaŵi yokhazikika yochitira zinthu, sipakhalanso malamulo monga onena kuti ‘Uzifika panyumba isanakwane hafu pasiti faifi’. Pamakhala ufulu wochita chilichonse, ndipo nthaŵi zonse abambo anga amandigulira mphatso.”—Buku lotchedwa How It Feels When Parents Divorce, (Mmene Zimaŵaŵira Makolo Akasudzulana) lolembedwa ndi Jill Krementz.

Bambo wachikondi ayenera ‘kudziŵa kupatsa ana ake mphatso zabwino’. (Mateyu 7:11) Koma mphatso siziloŵa mmalo mwa chitsogozo ndiponso mwambo wofunikira. (Miyambo 3:12; 13:1) Bambo akasintha udindo wake n’kukhala monga munthu woseŵera naye kapena wodzacheza, mgwirizano wa bambo ndi mwanayo sungakhale woyenera. Pakafukufuku wina panatuluka nkhani yakuti: “Kusudzulana kungathe kuwonongeratu unansi woyenera pakati pa bambo ndi mwana.”—Magazini yotchedwa Journal of Marriage and the Family, ya mu May 1994.

Amuna ena amanyalanyaza mabanja awo, mwakulephera kupereka chisamaliro chofunikira cha ndalama. * (1 Timoteo 5:8) “Palibe chilichonse chokhudza bambo anga chimene ndimaganiza kuti ndimakonda,” anatero mnyamata wina woŵaŵidwa mtima. “Siziwakhudza n’komwe, satithandiza kapena kutichitira chilichonse, ndipo ine zimenezi zimandiipira kwambiri.”

Makolo Osakwatirana

Kuchuluka kwa chiŵerengero cha ana apathengo kwawonjezera kwambiri kuchuluka kwa ana opanda bambo. “Pafupifupi mwana mmodzi mwa atatu alionse ku [United States] tsopano amabadwa kwa anthu omwe sanakwatirane ,” likutero buku lotchedwa Fatherless America (America Wopanda Bambo). Chaka chilichonse achinyamata a zaka zapakati pa 15 ndi 19 amabereka ana pafupifupi 500,000, ndipo 78 peresenti ya makolo a anawa sakhala ali pabanja. Komabe, kutenga mimba kwa achinyamata ndi vuto lapadziko lonse. Ndipo ntchito zimene zimaphunzitsa kulera ngakhale kukaniratu kugonana, sizinasinthe kwenikweni khalidwe la achinyamata lakugonana.

Buku lotchedwa Teenage Fathers (Abambo Osakhwima), lolembedwa ndi Bryan E. Robinson, likulongosola kuti: “Kukhala ndi mimba yapathengo masiku ano sikuchititsa manyazi monga mmene  kunkachitira m’ma 1960 chifukwa cha maganizo olekelera kwambiri okhudza kugonana ndiponso kutenga mimba yapathengo. . . . Ndiponso achinyamata amasiku ano amaona kaŵirikaŵiri nkhani zakugonana kudzera m’kunenerera malonda, nyimbo, mavidiyo, ndiponso wailesi yakanema. Ofalitsa nkhani ku America amauza achinyamata kuti kugonana n’kusonyezana chikondi, n’kosangalatsa, ndiponso n’kodzutsa chilakolako koma sasonyeza zotsatira zake zenizeni m’moyo, za mchitidwe wa kugonana mwachisawawa ndiponso mosaganizira bwino.”

Achinyamata ambiri amaoneka kuti n’ngosangalala pakuti sakudziŵa zotsatira za kugonana asanakwatirane. Tamvani zifukwa zina zimene wolemba wina wotchedwa Robinson anamva: “‘Sankaoneka ngati angatenge mimba,’ ‘Tinkagonana kamodzi kokha basi pamlungu,’ ndipo ine sindinkaganiza kuti munthu angatenge pathupi mutangogonana kamodzi basi.’” N’zoona kuti anyamata ena amadziŵa bwinobwino kuti mimba ingakhale chotsatira cha kugonana. Buku lotchedwa Young Unwed Fathers (Abambo Osakhwima Amene Sali M’banja) likulongosola kuti: “Kwa anyamata ambiri [okhala m’kati mwa mizinda], kugonana ndi chinthu chofunika pa chikhalidwe ndipo kukwanitsa kugonana ndi atsikana kumakhala ngati kulandira nyota zambiri. Atsikana ambiri amalola kugonana poganiza kuti akupereka mphatso kuti mnyamatayo aziwaganizira.” M’magulu ena anyamata okhala m’kati mwa mizinda, anyamata amene alibe ana mpaka angasekedwe kuti adakali “anamwali”!

Mungaone kuti zinthu zikuipabe ndithu mukayang’ana zimene anapeza pa kafukufuku wa mu 1993 wokhudza amayi a ku California a msinkhu woyenera kukhala pa sukulu. Kunapezeka kuti atsikana aŵiri mwa atatu alionse amene anali ndi pakati, sanatenge pathupipo pogonana ndi zibwenzi zamisinkhu yawo, koma amuna a zaka zopitirira 20! Ndiponsotu, kafukufuku wina anasonyeza kuti amayi ambiri osakhala m’banja anagwiriridwa asanafike zaka zoikika ndi boma zosankha paokha chimene akufuna kuchita. Mchitidwe wopezererana wofalawu ukusonyeza kupanda khalidwe ndiponso kukonda zoipa kwa anthu a masiku ano.—2 Timoteo 3:13.

Chifukwa Chimene Anyamata Amathaŵira

Ndi anyamata ochepa chabe amene amakhala ndi ana amenenso amasamalira udindo wolera ana awo kwa nthaŵi yaitali. Mnyamata wina amene chibwenzi chake chinali ndi pakati ananena kuti: “Ndinangomuuza kuti, ‘basitu tidzionana.’” Komabe, monga mmene nkhani ya m’buku lotchedwa Family Life Educator inanenera, “Abambo achinyamata ambiri amafunitsitsa kukhala paubwenzi weniweni ndi ana awo.” Malingana ndi kufufuza kwina kochitidwa mwa abambo achinyamata osakhala m’banja, 70 peresenti ya iwo ankayendera ana awo kamodzi pamlungu. Nkhaniyo ikuchenjeza kuti “Komabe, anawo akamakula, maulendowo amayamba kuchepa.”

Bambo wina wazaka 17 ananena mfundo yosonyeza chifukwa chake motere: “Ndikanadziŵa kuti kudzakhala kovuta chonchi, sindikadalola kuti zichitike.” Achinyamata ambiri sanakhwime maganizo ndiponso alibe luntha loyenera kuti akwanitse udindo wokhala kholo. Ndiponso ambiri alibe maphunziro kapenanso luso la ntchito zimene zili zofunika kuti munthu athe kudzisamalira. Pothaŵa kuchita manyazi chifukwa cholephera, anyamata ambiri amangowasiya ana awo. Bambo wina wachinyamata anaulula kuti, “Moyo wanga n’ngovuta zedi.” Winanso anadandaula motere: “Sindingathe kudzisamalira ndekha; sindikudziŵa kuti ndingatani ngati nditayamba kusamaliranso [mwana wanga].”

Mphesa Zosacha

M’nthaŵi za Baibulo Ayuda anali ndi mwambi wakuti: “Makolo adadya mphesa zosacha, koma ana ndiwo anamva kuwawasa.” (Ezekieli 18:2, Today’s English Version) Mulungu anauza Ayuda kuti zinthu sizinayenera kukhala choncho, kuti zolakwa zam’mbuyo sizinayenera kubwerezedwa m’tsogolo. (Ezekieli 18:3) Komabe, lero ana mamiliyoni akuoneka kuti akumva kuŵaŵa kwa “mphesa zosacha” zodyedwa ndi makolo awo, ndiye kuti akuvutika chifukwa chakuti makolo awo n’ngosakhwima, sakusamala udindo wawo, ndiponso alephera kumanga banja. Pali umboni wochuluka zedi wosonyeza kuti ana amene amakula popanda bambo wawo amakhala pangozi zambiri zimene zingawononge thupi ndi maganizo awo. (Onani bokosi la patsamba 7.) Mfundo ina yofooketsa kwambiri n’njakuti vuto la banja lopanda bambo nthaŵi zambiri limachokera mumbadwo wina n’kukafika mumbadwo wotsatira ndiye zoŵaŵa ndi mavutowo zimangopitirira.

Kodi mabanja opanda bambo zinthu sizidzawayenderako bwino? Ayi ndithu. Ndiponsotu, pali nkhani yabwino yakuti vuto lalikulu la mabanja opanda bambo limeneli likhoza kuthetsedwa. Nkhani yathu yotsatira ilongosola mmene vutoli lingathere.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

 [Bokosi/Chithunzi patsamba 7]

KUOPSA KWA KUKULA POPANDA BAMBO

Kukula popanda bambo kumaika ana pa ngozi zoopsa kwambiri. Ngakhale kuti kudziŵa zotsatirazi ena kungawaŵaŵe akamaziganizira, koma chinthu choyamba kuchita kuti mupeŵe kapena kungochepetsa chabe vutolo ndicho kudziŵa kuopsa kwake. Zindikiraninso kuti, kafukufuku wokhala ndi ziŵerengero amasonyeza zimene zimachitikira anthu monga gulu osati paokhapaokha. Ana ambiri amakulira m’mabanja opanda abambo koma sakumana ndi mavutoŵa. Monga mmene nkhani yathu yotsiriza idzasonyezera, chithandizo cha makolo ndiponso kugwiritsa ntchito mfundo za chikhalidwe chabwino za Baibulo kungathandize kwambiri kuchepetsa mavuto amene angabuke. Choncho, taonani zoopsa zina zimene mwana wopanda bambo angakumane nazo.

▪ Tsoka Lowonjezeka la Kugwiriridwa

Kufufuza kwasonyeza kuti kupanda bambo kumawonjezera tsoka la kugwiriridwa kwa ana. Kufufuza kwina kunasonyeza kuti mwa ana 52,000 amene anagwiriridwa, “72 peresenti anali okhala pa banja lopanda kholo lowabala limodzi kapena onse aŵiri.” Buku lakuti Fatherless America likuti: “Tsoka lowonjezereka la kugwiriridwa kwa ana m’dziko mwathu muno labwera chifukwa chakuti abambo ochuluka sakupezeka m’mabanja ndiponso chifukwa cha kuchuluka kwa abambo owapeza, zibwenzi, ndiponso amuna ena ongokhala nawo kapena ongoloŵana nawo.”

▪ Tsoka Lowonjezeka la Khalidwe Logonana adakali Ana

Chifukwa chakuti nthaŵi zambiri pabanja la kholo limodzi ana salangizidwa ndi makolo, kaŵirikaŵiri ana amakhala ndi mpata waukulu wochitira zinthu za dama. Kusaphunzitsidwa mokwanira ndi makolo kungakhalenso chifukwa china. “Atsikana opanda bambo amakhala pa tsoka lotenga pakati nthaŵi ziŵiri ndi theka zilizonse,” ikutero Dipatimenti ya za Umoyo ndi Kuthandiza Anthu ya ku United States.

▪ Umphaŵi

Atafufuza pakati pa atsikana a ku South Africa anapeza kuti kaŵirikaŵiri umphaŵi ndiwo chotsatira cha kukhala kholo usanakhale pabanja. Amene anachita kafukufukuyu anati, “pafupifupi 50 peresenti ya atsika­nawo sabwereranso kusukulu,” ndipotu amayi ambiri osakhala pabanja amayamba uhule ndiponso kugulitsa mankhwala osokoneza bongo. Zinthu si kuti zili bwinopo m’mayiko a Kumadzulo. Ku United States, “ana 10 mwa ana 100 alionse okhala m’mabanja a makolo aŵiri ndiwo anali paumphaŵi [mu 1995], koma m’mabanja okhala ndi akazi monga eni nyumba, anakwana 50 mwa 100 aliwonse.”​—⁠Buku lotchedwa America’s Children: Key National Indicators of Well-Being 1997.

▪ Kulekereredwa

Chifukwa chakuti asiyidwa kuti adzionere okha, makolo ambiri okhala okha amachulukidwa kwambiri ndi maudindo awo ndipo amalephera kukhala ndi ana awo kwa nthaŵi yokwanira. “Mayi wina wosudzulidwa akukumbukira kuti: “Ndinkagwira ntchito masana n’kumapita kusukulu usiku ndipo ndinkatopa motheratu. Mosakayikira ndinkanyalanyaza ana anga.”

▪ Kusokonezeka Maganizo

Mosiyana ndi ­zimene akatswiri ena amanena zakuti ana amazoloŵera mwamsanga ukwati ukatha, ofufuza ena monga Dr. Judith Wallerstein wapeza kuti kusudzulana kumabweretsa zilonda zokhalitsa za m’maganizo. “Mmodzi mwa achinyamata atatu alionse a zaka zapakati pa 19 ndi 29 amakhala ndi zolinga zochepa kapena sakhala n’cholinga chilichonse pambuyo pa zaka khumi makolo awo akasudzulana. Akukhala moyo wopanda cholinga chilichonse . . . ndiponso wosoŵa chithandizo.” (Buku lotchedwa Second Chances Lolembedwa ndi Dr. Judith Wallerstein ndi Sandra Blakeslee) Ana ambiri a makolo osudzulidwa amakhala odzidelera, osasangalala, osamvera, ndiponso okwiya mopitirira.

Buku lotchedwa The Single-Parent Family (Banja la Kholo Limodzi) linanena kuti: “Kafukufuku wochuluka wasonyeza kuti anyamata amene aleredwa popanda kuona kuti akukhaladi ndi munthu wina wamwamuna amasonyeza kuti sadzidalira monga amuna, amadzidelera, ndipo akakula amavutika kupanga maubwenzi enieni. Mavuto amene atsikana angakhale nawo chifukwa choleredwa popanda mwamuna womutsanzira, nthaŵi zambiri saonekera mpaka akafika zaka za kusinkhuka kapena kuposerapo, ndipo mavuto ake ndi monga kuvutika kupanga maubwenzi okhalitsa apakati pa amuna ndi akazi pamene akula.”