Zimene Mungachite Kuti Banja Lanu Liziyenda Bwino

BANJA tingaliyerekezere ndi ulendo wautali. Munthu akakhala paulendo amayembekezera kukumana ndi zinthu zabwino komanso zovuta. Mavuto ena amafika mwadzidzidzi ndipo ena amaoneka ngati palibiretu njira yowathetsera. Ngakhale zili choncho, anthu ambiri amayenda bwinobwino paulendowu ndipo amangokumana ndi mavuto ochepa chabe. Sikuti kuchepa kwa mavuto n’kumene kumachititsa kuti banja liziyenda bwino, koma ndi mmene okwatiranawo amathetsera mavuto awo.

Kodi n’chiyani chingathandize kuti banja likhale ngati ulendo wabwino ndiponso wosangalatsa? Anthu ambiri am’banja amaona kuti akufunikira malangizo abwino amene tingawayerekezere ndi mapu othandiza pa ulendowu. Tingati mapu abwino kwambiri okhudza banja amachokera kwa Yehova Mulungu, amene anayambitsa ukwati. Komabe sikuti Mawu ouziridwa a Mulungu, Baibulo, amathetsa mavuto mozizwitsa. M’malo mwake Baibulo lili ndi malangizo amene anthu am’banja amafunika kuwatsatira kuti ukwati wawo uziyenda bwino.—Salmo 119:105; Aefeso 5:21-33; 2 Timoteyo 3:16.

Tsopano tiyeni tione ena mwa malangizo ofunikira kwambiri a m’Baibulo amene ali ngati zizindikiro za mumsewu, omwe angathandize kuti banja liziyenda bwino ndiponso likhale losangalala.

▸ Muziona kuti ukwati ndi wopatulika. “Chimene Mulungu wachimanga pamodzi, munthu asachilekanitse.” (Mateyo 19:6) Mlengi anayambitsa ukwati pamene anapereka Hava kwa Adamu, yemwe anali mwamuna woyamba. (Genesis 2:21-24) Yesu Khristu amene anaonerera zimenezi ali kumwamba, anatsimikizira kuti ukwati wa Adamu ndi Hava unali woti ukhale kosatha. Iye anati: “Kodi simunawerenge kuti iye amene analenga iwo pachiyambi pomwe anapanga iwo mwamuna ndi mkazi ndi kunena kuti, ‘Pa chifukwa chimenechi mwamuna adzasiya atate wake ndi amayi wake ndipo adzaphatikana ndi mkazi wake, ndipo awiriwo adzakhala thupi limodzi’? Kotero kuti salinso awiri, koma thupi limodzi. Choncho, chimene Mulungu wachimanga pamodzi, munthu asachilekanitse.”—Mateyo 19:4-6.

Yesu ponena kuti “chimene Mulungu wachimanga pamodzi,” sanali kutanthauza kuti Mulungu ndi amene amatisankhira mwamuna kapena mkazi wokwatirana naye. Iye amangotsindika mfundo yakuti Mulungu ndi amene anayambitsa ukwati ndipo tiyenera kuuona kuti ndi wopatulika. *

Komabe, palibe mwamuna kapena mkazi amene angasangalale ‘kumangidwa pamodzi,’ kapena kuti kukhala m’banja lopanda chikondi. Aliyense amafuna kukhala ndi ukwati wabwino n’kumasangalala. Mlengi ‘angawamange pamodzi’ n’kumakhala mosangalala akamamvera malangizo othandiza amene iye wapereka m’Baibulo.

Popeza tonse ndife opanda ungwiro, kusamvetsetsana kapena kusagwirizana m’banja n’kosapeweka. Koma nthawi zambiri, banja limayenda bwino osati chifukwa chakuti anthu awiriwo amagwirizana pa chilichonse koma chifukwa cha mmene amathetsera kusiyana maganizo kwawo. Motero, chimodzi mwa zinthu zofunika kwambiri m’banja ndi kuthetsa kusiyana maganizo m’njira ya chikondi, chifukwa chikondi ‘chimamanga zonse pamodzi mumgwirizano wangwiro.’—Akolose 3:14, Chipangano Chatsopano mu Chichewa cha Lero.

▸ Muzilankhulana mwaulemu. “Alipo wonena mwansontho ngati kupyoza kwa lupanga; koma lilime la anzeru lilamitsa.” (Miyambo 12:18) Ofufuza apeza kuti anthu ambiri akayamba kukambirana nkhani mwaulemu amamalizanso  mwaulemu, koma akayamba kukambirana mosapatsana ulemu amamalizanso mosapatsana ulemu. Inu mukudziwa mmene zimapwetekera ngati munthu amene mumamukonda sanakulankhuleni bwino. Choncho inuyo panokha pemphererani nkhaniyi kuti muziyesetsa kulankhula mwaulemu komanso mwachikondi. (Aefeso 4:31) Mkazi wina wa ku Japan, dzina lake Haruko, * wakhala m’banja zaka 44 ndipo anati: “Ngakhale kuti aliyense amaona zolakwa za mnzake, timayesetsa kulankhulana mwaulemu ndi kuyamikirana. Zimenezi zathandiza kuti banja lathu liziyenda bwino.”

▸ Muzikomerana mtima ndi kuchitirana chifundo. “Khalani okomerana mtima wina ndi mnzake, a chifundo chachikulu.” (Aefeso 4:32) Okwatirana akasiyana maganizo kwambiri, kukwiya kwa munthu mmodzi kumachititsa kuti winayo akwiyenso. Mkazi wina wa ku Germany, dzina lake Annette, wakhala m’banja losangalala zaka 34 ndipo ananena kuti: “Zinthu zikakuchulukira m’mutu zimavuta kuugwira mtima, umangopezeka kuti walankhula zokhumudwitsa mnzakoyo, ndipo izi zimangowonjezera vutolo.” Koma mukamayesetsa kukhala okoma mtima ndi achifundo mudzakhala ndi banja lamtendere.

▸ Dzichepetseni. “Musachite kanthu kalikonse ndi mzimu wandewu kapena wodzikuza, koma modzichepetsa, mukumaona ena kukhala okuposani.” (Afilipi 2:3) Kawirikawiri, mikangano m’banja imayamba chifukwa chakuti pakabuka vuto, kudzikuza kumachititsa kuti wina aziimba mlandu mnzake m’malo modzichepetsa n’kupeza njira zothetsera vutolo mokomera aliyense. Koma kudzichepetsa kungakuthandizeni kuchotsa maganizo odziona kuti olakwa siinu.

▸ Musamafulumire kukwiya. “Usakangaze mu mtima mwako kukwiya.” (Mlaliki 7:9) Pewani mtima wokonda kutsutsa maganizo a mnzanu kapena wokonda kudzitchinjiriza mnzanuyo akamakufunsani zimene mwanena kapena mwachita. Komano ndi bwino kumvetsera ndi kulolera zimene mnzanuyo akunena. Ganizirani bwino musanayankhe. M’mabanja ambiri anthu amazindikira mochedwa kuti kulimbitsa chikondi pakati pawo n’kofunika kwambiri kusiyana ndi kugonjetsa mnzawoyo pa mkangano.

▸ Nthawi zina ndi bwino kukhala chete. “Munthu aliyense akhale wofulumira kumva, wodekha polankhula, wosafulumira kukwiya.” (Yakobe 1:19) Kulankhulana bwino n’chimodzi mwa zinthu zimene zili ngati zizindikiro za mumsewu zothandiza kwambiri kuti banja liziyenda bwino. Nanga n’chifukwa chiyani Baibulo limanena kuti pali “mphindi yakutonthola,” kapena kuti kukhala chete? (Mlaliki 3:7) Iyi ndi nthawi yomwe munthu amayenera kumvetsera mwatcheru zimene mnzake akulankhula. Zimenezi zimathandiza kuti munthu adziwe kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wake akumva bwanji mumtima mwake komanso chifukwa chimene akumvera choncho.

 ▸ Muzikhudzidwa mnzanuyo akamalankhula. “Sangalalani ndi anthu amene akusangalala; lirani ndi anthu amene akulira.” (Aroma 12:15) Kukhudzidwa ndi zimene mnzanu akukuuzani n’kofunika kwambiri polankhulana, chifukwa kumakuthandizani kudziwa mmene mnzanuyo akumvera mumtima mwake. Kumathandizanso kuti aliyense azilemekeza maganizo a mnzake. Nella, mkazi wina wa ku Brazil amene wakhala m’banja zaka 32, anati: “Ndikamakambirana vuto lililonse ndi mwamuna wanga Manuel, ndimamvetsera kwambiri zonena zake. Zimenezi zimandithandiza kumvetsa maganizo ake komanso kudziwa zimene zili mu mtima mwake.” Mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu akamalankhula ndiye kuti ndi nthawi yoyenera kukhala chete n’kumamvetsera mosonyeza kuti mukukhudzidwa nazo.

▸ Muziyamikirana nthawi zonse. “Sonyezani kuti ndinu oyamikira.” (Akolose 3:15) M’mabanja olimba, mwamuna ndi mkazi wake amayamikirana. Komabe m’mabanja ena, anthu sanena mawu oyamikira mnzawo akachita zinthu zabwino, ngakhale kuti zimenezi n’zofunika kwambiri m’banja kuti anthuwo azilankhulana bwino. Iwo amangoganiza kuti mnzawoyo akudziwa kale zoti amamuyamikira. Dr. Ellen Wachtel anati: “Anthu ambiri okwatirana angathe kumayamikirana koma satero chifukwa choti zimenezi saziganizira n’komwe.”

Kwenikweni akazi ndi amene amafuna kwambiri kuyamikiridwa ndi amuna awo. Motero amunanu muziyamikira zinthu zabwino komanso makhalidwe abwino a akazi anu kuti banja lanu liziyenda bwino komanso kuti nonse m’banjamo muzisangalala.

Tingasonyeze kuyamikira mwa zolankhula ndiponso zochita zathu. Amunanu dziwani kuti mkazi wanu amafunika kumupsompsona, kum’sisita, komanso kum’mwetulira mwachikondi. Kuchita zimenezi n’kofunika kwambiri kuposa kungonena kuti, “Ndimakukonda.” Zimenezi zimam’tsimikizira kuti mumamukondadi ndipo mumaona kuti ndi wofunika kwambiri kwa inuyo. Ndi bwino kumuimbira foni kapena kum’tumizira uthenga pafoni wongomuuza kuti “Ndakusowa” kapena “Kodi zikuyenda?” Ngati munkachita zimenezi muli pachibwenzi ndiyeno munasiya, ndi bwino kuti muyambirenso. Pitirizani kukhala ndi chidwi chofuna kudziwa zinthu zimene zimasangalatsa kwambiri mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu.

Mayi ake a Mfumu Lemueli ya Isiraeli wakale ananena mawu ofunika kwambiri. Iwo anati: “Mwamuna wake nam’tama, nati, ana akazi ambiri anachita mwangwiro, koma iwe uposa onsewo.” (Miyambo 31:1, 28, 29) Kodi nthawi yomaliza imene munayamikirapo mkazi wanu ndi iti? Ngati ndinu mkazi, kodi amuna anu munawayamikira liti?

▸ Muzikhululuka msanga. “Dzuwa lisalowe muli chikwiyire.” (Aefeso 4:26) Aliyense m’banja angathe kulakwitsa zinthu zina. Choncho kukhala  ndi mtima wokhululuka n’kofunika kwambiri. Clive ndi Monica omwe amakhala ku South Africa anakwatirana zaka 43 zapitazo ndipo aona kuti malangizo a m’Baibulo amenewa ndi othandiza. Clive anati: “Timafuna kutsatira mfundo ya pa Aefeso 4:26 motero timayesetsa kukhululukirana mwamsanga, podziwa kuti zimasangalatsa Mulungu. Tikatero timaona kuti nkhaniyo yatha, choncho timakagona tili ndi chikumbumtima chabwino ndiponso timakhala ndi tulo tokoma.”

Mwambi wina wakale umati ndi ‘ulemerero . . . kukhululukira cholakwa.’ (Miyambo 19:11) Annette, amene tam’tchula poyamba uja, anavomereza zimenezi ndipo anati: “N’zosatheka kukhala ndi ukwati wabwino ngati simukhululukirana.” Pofotokoza chifukwa chake, iye anati: “Ngati simukhululukirana mumangokhalabe okwiya ndipo mumakayikirana nthawi zonse. Zimenezi zimawononga banja. Koma ngati mumakhululukirana, ukwati wanu umalimba ndipo mumagwirizana kwambiri.”

Ngati mwakhumudwitsa mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu, si bwino kungoganiza kuti iye akhululuka n’kuiwala nkhaniyo. Kuti pakhale mtendere mufunika kuvomereza kulakwa kwanu. Anthu ambiri amene ali pabanja amaona kuti kuchita zimenezi n’kovuta kwambiri. Koma ndi bwino kudzichepetsa ndi kunena kuti, “Pepani ndinalakwitsa.” Ubwino wopepesa ndi wakuti mnzanuyo amakupatsani ulemu, mumakhulupirirana komanso mumakhala ndi mtendere mumtima mwanu.

▸ Khalani okhulupirika m’banja. Mwamuna ndi mkazi wake “salinso awiri, koma thupi limodzi. Choncho, chimene Mulungu wachimanga pamodzi, munthu asachilekanitse.” (Mateyo 19:6) Polowa m’banja mumalonjeza kwa Mulungu, kwa anthu ndiponso kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu kuti mudzakhala limodzi zivute zitani. * Komatu munthu sakhala wokhulupirika chifukwa chongoopa lamulo basi. Munthu amakhala wokhulupirika chifukwa cha chikondi chochokera mumtima ndipo izi zimasonyeza kuti amalemekeza mkazi kapena mwamuna wake komanso kuti amalemekeza Mulungu. Motero, pewani kukopana ndi akazi kapena amuna ena chifukwa kumeneko ndi kupeputsa ukwati, womwe ndi wopatulika. Muzingoganizira za mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu yekhayo basi.—Mateyo 5:28.

▸ Kudzipereka kungakuthandizeni kukhala okhulupirika. “Musasamale zofuna zanu zokha, koma musamalenso zofuna za ena.” (Afilipi 2:4) Njira ina yothandiza kuti mukhale wokhulupirika m’banja ndiyo kuganizira kwambiri zofuna za mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu kuposa zanu. Premji, wakhala m’banja zaka 20. Iye amayesetsa kum’thandiza ntchito zapakhomo mkazi wake, yemwe alinso pa ntchito yolembedwa. Premji anati: “Mkazi wanga Rita, ndimamuthandiza kuphika, kuyeretsa pakhomo ndiponso ntchito zina. Motero iye amakhala ndi nthawi yochita zinthu zimene amakonda kwambiri.”

Khama Lipindula

Ena amagwa ulesi akaona kuti kukhala ndi banja losangalala kumafuna zambiri. Koma musafooke pa kudzipereka kwanu chifukwa cha mavuto ena ndi ena ndiponso musasiye zimene mwakhala mukuchita kwa nthawi yaitali, zomwe zathandiza banja lanu kuti lifike pamene lili panopo.

Sid, yemwe wakhala m’banja losangalala zaka 33, anati: “Mukamayesetsa kwambiri kuchita zinthu zothandiza kuti banja lanu liziyenda bwino, Yehova amakudalitsani.” Kuthandizana panthawi zovuta komanso kusangalala limodzi panthawi imene zinthu zili bwino, kumathandiza kuti banja lanu likhale losangalala ndiponso kuti liziyenda bwino.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Mawu Otsindika patsamba 6]

Banja lili ngati ulendo, ndipo Baibulo lili ngati mapu othandiza paulendowo

[Bokosi/Chithunzi patsamba 7]

Mukafuna kukambirana nkhani inayake

▪ Sankhani nthawi yoti nonse simunatope.

▪ Pewani kulozana chala; ganizirani zabwino zimene mnzanuyo wachita.

▪ Mnzanu akamalankhula musam’dule. Muzipatsana mpata wolankhula ndi kumvetsera.

▪ Musanyalanyaze mmene mnzanuyo akumvera.

▪ Sonyezani kuti mukukhudzidwa ndi mmene mnzanuyo akumvera pankhaniyo, ngakhale pamene simukugwirizana ndi maganizo ake.

▪ Khalani ololera ndipo musamangoumirira maganizo anu.

▪ Mukalakwitsa muzidzichepetsa n’kupepesa.

▪ Mnzanuyo muzimuyamikira ndiponso muzimusonyeza chikondi.

[Bokosi/Chithunzi patsamba 8]

Kuti banja liziyenda bwino

▪ Nthawi zonse muzitsatira mfundo za m’Baibulo zolimbitsa ukwati.

▪ Pezani nthawi yokhala ndi banja lanu komanso yocheza ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu.

▪ Limbikitsani chikondi m’banja lanu.

▪ Khalani wokhulupirika ndi wodzipereka.

▪ Khalani wokoma mtima ndi waulemu.

▪ Muzithandizana ntchito zapakhomo.

▪ Muziyesetsa kulankhula m’njira yoti kucheza kwanu kukhale kosangalatsa.

▪ Muziseketsana komanso muzichitira limodzi zinthu zosangalatsa.

▪ Pitirizani kuchita zinthu zolimbitsa ukwati wanu.

[Bokosi/Chithunzi patsamba 9]

Mfundo zoti muzilingalire panokha

▪ Kodi n’chiyani chimene ineyo ndiyenera kuchita kuti banja langa likhale losangalala?

▪ Kodi ndiyenera kutani kuti ndikwanitse zimenezi?