Mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu walankhula kapena kuchita zinazake zomwe zakukhumudwitsani kwambiri ndipo zikukuvutani kuiwala. Chifukwa cha zimenezi simukumukondanso ngati poyamba ndipo mwamusungira chakukhosi. Mukuona kuti palibenso chimene mungachite koma kumangokhala mopirira ngakhale kuti simukukondana. Zimenezi zikuwonjezera mkwiyo wanu.

Dziwani kuti n’zotheka kupewa kusungirana chakukhosi. Komabe kuti zimenezi zitheke muyenera kudziwa mfundo zingapo zokhudza kusunga chakukhosi.

Kusunga chakukhosi kukhoza kuwononga banja lanu. N’chifukwa chiyani zili choncho? Chifukwa kusunga chakukhosi kumachititsa kuti tizilephera kusonyeza makhalidwe ofunika m’banja monga chikondi, kukhulupirirana komanso kukhulupirika. Choncho kusunga chakukhosi si zotsatira za vuto linalake lomwe lili m’banja, koma ndi vuto palokha. N’chifukwa chake Baibulo limati: ‘Kuwawidwa mtima konse kwa njiru, kuchotsedwe mwa inu.’—Aefeso 4:31.

Mukasunga chakukhosi, mumadzipweteka nokha. Kusunga chakukhosi kuli ngati kudzimenya wekha n’kumayembekezera kuti wina amve kupweteka. Wolemba mabuku wina, dzina lake Mark Sichel, analemba m’buku lake lina kuti: “Mnzanu amene mukumusungira chakukhosiyo angakhale kuti sakudandaula chilichonse. Angakhalenso kuti akungosangalala, mwinanso osadziwa n’komwe kuti mwamusungira chakukhosi.” Kodi tikuphunzira chiyani pamenepa? Sichel anati: “Munthu akamasunga chakukhosi, amadzipweteka yekha.”—Healing From Family Rifts.

Munthu amachita kusankha kusunga chakukhosi. Ena angaone kuti zimenezi si zoona. Anganene kuti, ‘Mwamuna kapena mkazi wanga ndi amene amapangitsa kuti ndizisunga chakukhosi.’ Koma maganizo amenewa akungosonyeza kuti mukuganizira kwambiri zochita za mnzanuyo, zomwe simungathe kuzisintha. Koma Baibulo limanena kuti muziganizira kwambiri zimene inuyo mungachite osati zimene mnzanuyo angachite. Limati: “Koma aliyense payekha ayese ntchito yake.” (Agalatiya 6:4) Nthawi zambiri sitingathe kuletsa munthu kuti asanene kapena kuchita zinazake, koma tingathe kusankha zimene tingachite munthu akatilakwira. Choncho n’zotheka kulakwiridwa koma osasunga chakukhosi.

Musamaloze chala mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu. Zimakhala zosavuta kuloza chala mnzanuyo. Koma musaiwale kuti munthu amachita kusankha kuti asunge chakukhosi kapena ayi. Choncho atafuna, akhozanso kusankha kukhululuka. Mungathe kutsatira malangizo a m’Baibulo akuti: “Kwiyani, koma musachimwe. Dzuwa lisalowe muli chikwiyire.” (Aefeso 4:26) Mukamakhululuka zingakhale zosavuta kuti muzikambirana bwinobwino mavuto a m’banja.—Lemba lothandiza: Akolose 3:13.

Dzifufuzeni moona mtima. Baibulo limasonyeza kuti anthu ena ‘amakonda kukwiya’ komanso ‘amakonda kupsa mtima.’ (Miyambo 29:22) Kodi ndi mmene inuyo mulili? Dzifunseni kuti: ‘Kodi ndine munthu wosachedwa kupsa mtima? Kodi sindichedwa kukhumudwa? Nanga kodi ndimakhumudwa ngakhale pa nkhani yaing’ono?’ Baibulo limati, “amene amangokhalira kulankhula za nkhani inayake amalekanitsa mabwenzi apamtima.” (Miyambo 17:9; Mlaliki 7:9) Zimenezi zingachitikenso m’banja. Choncho ngati mumakonda kusunga chakukhosi, mungadzifunse kuti, ‘Kodi ndingatani kuti ndizileza mtima mwamuna kapena mkazi wanga akandikhumudwitsa?’—Lemba lothandiza: 1 Petulo 4:8.

Muziganizira zinthu zofunika kwambiri. Baibulo limati pali “nthawi yokhala chete ndi nthawi yolankhula.” (Mlaliki 3:7) Choncho si bwino kuti chilichonse chimene mnzanuyo walakwitsa muzimuuza kuti mukambirane. Nthawi zina mungafunike kutsatira malangizo akuti: “Lankhulani mumtima mwanu, muli pabedi panu, ndipo mukhale chete.” (Salimo 4:4) Komabe ngati mwaona kuti mukufunika kukambirana zomwe zakukhumudwitsanizo, mungachite bwino kudikira mpaka mtima wanu utakhala m’malo. Mayi wina dzina lake Beatriz anati: “Ndikakhumudwa, ndimadikira kaye kuti mtima wanga uphwe. Nthawi zambiri pakapita nthawi ndimaona kuti vutolo si lalikulu kwambiri. Zimenezi zimandithandiza kuti ndilankhule mwaulemu tikamakambirana.”—Lemba lothandiza: Miyambo 19:11.

Muzikhululuka ndi mtima wonse. M’Baibulo mawu akuti “kukhululuka” anamasuliridwa kuchokera ku mawu achigiriki omwe amatanthauza kuiwala nkhani inayake. Choncho mukakhululuka sizitanthauza kuti mukuchepetsa vutolo kapena mukuona kuti silinachitike. Koma zimatanthauza kuti mwasankha kungoiwala nkhaniyo chifukwa mukudziwa kuti kusunga chakukhosi kungawononge kwambiri thanzi ndi banja lanu kuposa zimene mnzanuyo wachita.