Kodi nthawi zonse mumati mukayamba kukambirana vuto linalake ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu, nkhaniyo imathera mu mkangano? Ngati n’zimene zimakuchitikirani musataye mtima. Koma choyamba muyenera kudziwa kuti amuna ndi akazi amafotokoza maganizo awo mosiyana. *

Nthawi zambiri akazi amafuna kufotokoza kaye vuto asanamve njira yolithetsera. Ndipotu nthawi zina amangofuna kunena maganizo awo basi.

Sara ananena kuti: “Ndimamva bwino ndikafotokoza maganizo anga ndiponso ndikaona kuti mwamuna wanga akundimvetsa. Ndipo nthawi zambiri ndikangomaliza kufotokoza, ndimamva kupepuka mumtimamu.” *

Ane ananena kuti: “Ndikapanda kufotokozera mwamuna wanga vuto limene ndakumana nalo, ndimavutika kuliiwala. Koma ndikangomuuza, kwa ine zimakhala kuti zatha.”

Linda ananena kuti: “Ndimakhala ngati wapolisi yemwe akufufuza nkhani inayake. Ndikamafotokoza vuto ndimaganizira zimene zinayambitsa vutolo.”

Amuna amangoganizira njira zothetsera vuto. Ndipotu zimenezi n’zomveka chifukwa amaona kuti ntchito yawo ndi kukonza zinthu. Amaona kuti akamapeza njira zothetsera mavuto m’pamene akazi awo angawadalire kwambiri. Choncho samvetsa akaona kuti akazi awo sakugwirizana ndi maganizo awo. Mwachitsanzo, mwamuna wina dzina lake Kennedy, anafunsa mkazi wake kuti: “Ndiye umandiuziranji mavuto akowo ngati sukufuna kuti ndikuthandize?”

Buku lina linanena kuti: “Muzimvetsera kaye musanapereke malangizo. Muzisonyeza mnzanuyo kuti mukumvetsa mmene vutolo lamukhudzira, kenako mungamuuze njira yolithetsera. Ndipotu nthawi zambiri mnzanuyo akamakufotokozerani mavuto, amangofuna kuti muzimumvetsera osati kumuuza njira yowathetsera.”—The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

Amuna: Muziyesetsa kumvetsera mwatcheru mkazi wanu akamakufotokozerani mavuto ake. Mwamuna wina dzina lake Thomas ananena kuti: “Nthawi zina pambuyo pomvetsera mkazi wanga, ndimaona kuti kumvetserako sikunathetse vuto lake. Koma nthawi zambiri chimene amafuna n’kungomumvetsera basi.” Zimene mwamuna winanso dzina lake Stephen ananena zikugwirizana ndi mfundo imeneyi. Iye anati: “Ndimaona kuti ndi bwino kulola mkazi wanga kuti afotokoze zonse popanda kumudula mawu. Ndipo nthawi zambiri akamaliza kufotokoza amandiuza kuti mtima wake uli m’malo.”

Tayesani izi: Mukamadzakambirananso vuto linalake ndi mkazi wanu, mudzayesetse kupewa kamtima kongofuna kumupatsa malangizo. Muzidzamuyang’ana n’kumamumvetsera mwachidwi, kwinaku mukugwedezera mutu. Mudzabwereze zina zomwe wanena posonyeza kuti mwamumvetsadi. Mwamuna wina dzina lake Charles ananena kuti: “Nthawi zina chimene mkazi wanga amafuna ndi kungodziwa kuti ndamumvetsa komanso kuti ndimuthandiza.”—Lemba lothandiza: Yakobo 1:19.

Akazi: Muziuza amuna anu zimene mukufuna kuti akuchitireni. Mayi wina dzina lake Eleni anati: “Nthawi zina tingaganize kuti mwamuna wathu akudziwa kale zimene tikufuna kuti atichitire, koma chofunika n’kumuuza zomwe tikufunazo.” Mayi winanso dzina lake Aness ananena zimene angauze mwamuna wake atakumana ndi vuto linalake. Iye anati: “Ndinganene kuti, ‘Pali nkhani inayake yomwe ikundivutitsa maganizo, ndiye ndikufuna kuti ndikamakufotokozerani mundimvetsere. Sindikufuna kuti muthetse vutolo koma ndikungofuna kuti mumvetse mmene ndikumvera.’”

Tayesani izi: Ngati mwamuna wanu akuyesa kuthetsa vutolo asanamve zonse, musafulumire kuganiza kuti sakuganizirani. Koma amakhala kuti akufuna kukuthandizani. Mayi wina dzina lake Ester ananena kuti: “M’malo mokhumudwa ndimaona kuti mwamuna wanga amandikonda komanso amafuna kundimvetsera. Kungoti pa nthawiyi amakhala akufuna kundithandiza.—Lemba lothandiza: Aroma 12:10.

Amuna ndi akazi: Timafunika kuchitira ena zimene tikufuna kuti nawonso atichitire. Komabe kuti muthetse mavuto mwamtendere, muyenera kuganizira zimene mnzanuyo akufuna kuti muzimuchitira. (1 Akorinto 10:24) Mwamuna wina dzina lake Emmanuel anati: “Amuna, muziyesetsa kukhala ndi mtima wofuna kumvetsera. Akazi, nthawi zina muzikhala okonzeka kumva njira zothetsera mavuto. Ndipotu nonse mukamakhala okonzeka kusintha maganizo anu, mumayamba kugwirizana kwambiri.”—Lemba lothandiza: 1 Petulo 3:8.