1-2. Kodi ena amamva bwanji kukhala pa cibwenzi?

 KUKHALA pa cibwenzi kungakhale kosangalatsa zedi. Ngati muli kale pa cibwenzi, mosakaikila mumafuna kuti ciziyenda bwino. Ndipo kwa anthu ambili zimayendadi bwino. Mlongo Tsion, a wa ku Ethiopia anati: “Imodzi mwa nthawi zosangalatsa ngako pa umoyo wanga ni pamene n’nali pa cibwenzi na mwamuna wanga. Tinali kukambitsilana nkhani zofunika, ndipo tinali kukhalanso na nthawi yoseka. N’nali wosangalala cifukwa n’nali n’tapeza munthu amene nimakonda amenenso amanikonda.”

² M’bale Alessio wa ku Netherlands ananena kuti, “Zinali zosangalatsa kudziŵana bwino na mkazi wanga tili pa cibwenzi. Koma cibwenzi cathu cinali na zovuta zake.” M’nkhani ino, tikambilane ena mwa mavuto amene aja ali pa cibwenzi angakumane nawo, kenako tione mfundo za m’Baibo zimene zingawathandize kukhala na cibwenzi copambana. Tikambilanenso mmene ena mumpingo angawathandizile.

COLINGA COKHALILA PA CIBWENZI

3. Kodi colinga ca cibwenzi n’ciyani? (Miyambo 20:25)

³ Ngakhale kuti kukhala pa cibwenzi n’kosangalatsa, ni sitepe yosafunika kuitenga mopepuka imene ingatsogolele ku ukwati. Pa tsiku la cikwati cawo, okwatilana amalumbila pamaso pa Yehova kuti adzakondana na kulemekezana kwa moyo wawo wonse. Musanacite lumbilo lililonse pa umoyo wanu, ni bwino kuiganizila mofatsa nkhaniyo. (Ŵelengani Miyambo 20:25.) N’cimodzimodzi na malumbilo a ukwati. Cibwenzi cimathandiza anthu aŵiliwo kuti adziŵane bwino na kuwathandiza kupanga cisankho canzelu. Nthawi zina cisankhoco cingakhale  kukwatilana kapena kuthetsa cibwenzi. Cibwenzi cikatha, sizitanthauza kuti analakwitsa kucithetsa. M’malo mwake, cibwenzico cinakwanilitsa colinga cake, cimene ni kuwathandiza kupanga cisankho canzelu.

4. N’cifukwa ciyani tiyenela kukumbukila colinga cokhalila pa cibwenzi?

⁴ N’cifukwa ciyani m’pofunika kukumbukila colinga cokhalila pa cibwenzi? Ngati anthu amene ni mbeta amakumbukila colinga cokhalila pa cibwenzi, adzapewa kuyamba cibwenzi na munthu amene alibe naye colinga comanga banja. Koma si mbeta zokha zimene zifunikila kukhala na maganizo oyenela pa nkhaniyi. Tonsefe tiyenela kutelo. Mwa citsanzo, ena amaganiza kuti ngati anthu ali pa cibwenzi, ndiye kuti basi ayenela kukakwatilana. Kodi maganizo amenewa amawakhudza bwanji Akhristu amene ni mbeta? Mlongo Melissa wa ku America amene ni mbeta anati, “Mboni zambili zimene zili pa cibwenzi zimakakamizika kungoloŵa m’banja basi. Cifukwa ca maganizo olakwika amenewo, ena amene ali pa cibwenzi amaopa kuthetsa cibwenzico ngakhale pamene zinthu sizikuyenda bwino. Ndipo ena amakhala na nkhawa kwambili, moti amangopewelatu zokhala pa cibwenzi.”

MUFUNIKA KUDZIŴANA BWINO

5-6. Kodi amene ali pa cibwenzi ayenela kuyesetsa kudziŵa ciyani? (1 Petulo 3:4)

⁵ Ngati muli pa cibwenzi, n’ciyani cingakuthandizeni kudziŵa ngati ndinu oyenelelana kapena ayi? Mufunika kudziŵana bwino. N’kutheka munali kudziŵako zinthu zina zokhudza munthuyo musanayambe naye cibwenzi. Koma tsopano muli na mwayi wodziŵa “munthu wobisika wa mumtima.” (Ŵelengani 1 Petulo 3:4.) Izi zitanthauza kudziŵa zambili zokhudza uzimu wake, umunthu wake, na kaganizidwe kake. M’kupita kwa nthawi mungafunike kudziŵa mayankho a mafunso monga akuti, ‘Kodi munthuyu angakhale mnzanga wabwino wa mu ukwati?’ (Miy. 31:​26, 27, 30; Aef. 5:33; 1 Tim. 5:8) ‘Kodi ningamukonde na kumusamalila, ndipo iyenso angacite cimodzimodzi kwa ine? Kodi tingathe kulolelana pa zophophonya zathu?’ b (Aroma 3:23) Pamene mukudziŵana bwino, kumbukilani kuti kukhala oyenelelana sikudalila kukonda zinthu zofanana ayi. Koma kumadalila zimene mumacita kuti mugwilizane mukasiyana maganizo.

 ⁶ N’zinthu zina ziti zimene muyenela kudziŵa zokhudza munthuyo pamene muli pa cibwenzi? Musanayambe kukondana ngako na munthuyo, mungafunike kudziŵa zinthu zofunika zokhudza iye monga zolinga zake. Mungafunikenso kukambilana za nkhani zokhudza munthu mwini, monga thanzi lake, mavuto a zacuma, kapena zinthu zoipa zimene zinamucitikila kumbuyoku. Koma si nkhani zonse zimene mungakambilane kumayambililo kwa cibwenzi canu. (Yelekezelani na Yohane 16:12.) Ngati muona kuti payenela kupitako nthawi kuti muyankhe mafunso ena a munthu mwini, muuzeni zimenezo. Komabe, m’kupita kwa nthawi mnzanuyo muyenela kumuuza zinthu zimenezo kuti apange cisankho canzelu.

7. Kodi amene ali pa cibwenzi angacite ciyani kuti adziŵane bwino? (Onaninso mbali yakuti “ Kukhala pa Cibwenzi na Munthu Amene Akhala Kutali.”) (Onaninso cithunzi.)

⁷ Kodi mungam’dziŵe bwanji munthu wamkati wa mnzanuyo? Njila yabwino koposa ni kukambilana momasuka komanso moona mtima, kufunsana mafunso na kumvetsela mwachelu. (Miy. 20:5; Yak. 1:19) Kuti mucite zimenezi, sankhani kucita zinthu zimene zingakupatseni mwayi wocezako. Mungacite zinthu monga kudyela pamodzi, kupita kokayenda, komanso kukalalikila. Mungadziŵanenso bwino mwa kuceza pamodzi na mabwenzi anu, komanso acibale. Kuwonjezela apo, muzicitanso zimene zingakuthandizeni kuona mmene mnzanuyo amacitila zinthu na anthu ena, komanso m’mikhalidwe yosiyana-siyana. Onani zimene m’bale Aschwin wa ku Netherlands anali kucita. Ponena za nthawi imene anali pa cibwenzi na Alicia, iye anati: “Tinali kusankha zinthu zimene zinatithandiza kudziŵana bwino. Nthawi zambili zinthuzo zinali kukhala zosavuta monga kuphikila pamodzi, kapena kugwila nchito zina za pakhomo. Pa zocitika zimenezi m’pamene tinali kuona zimene aliyense wa ife amacita bwino, komanso zofooka zathu.”

8. Kodi amene ali pa cibwenzi angapindule bwanji mwa kucitila pamodzi zinthu zauzimu?

⁸ Mungadziŵanenso bwino mukamacitila pamodzi zinthu zauzimu. Mukaloŵa m’banja, muzipatula nthawi yocita kulambila kwa pabanja kuti Mulungu akhale mbali yofunika kwambili m’banja lanu. (Mlal. 4:12) Conco, bwanji osapanga makonzedwe oyamba kucitila pamodzi zinthu zauzimu pamene muli pa cibwenzi?  N’zoona kuti anthu amene ali pa cibwenzi sali pabanja, ndipo m’bale sanakhalebe mutu wa mlongoyo. Ngakhale n’telo, kucitila zinthu zauzimu pamodzi, kudzakuthandizani kudziŵa uzimu wa aliyense wa inu. Max na Laysa, okwatilana a ku America anapeza phindu locita zimenezi. Max anati: “Kuciyambi kwa cibwenzi cathu, tinayamba kuŵelengela pamodzi zofalitsa zimene zikamba pa cibwenzi, ukwati, komanso umoyo wa m’banja. Zofalitsa zimenezi zinatsegula mipata yokambilana nkhani zambili zofunika zimene zingakhale zovuta kuyamba kuzikambilana.”

MBALI ZINA ZOFUNIKA KUZIGANIZILA

9. N’zinthu ziti zimene ali pa cibwenzi ayenela kuganizila posankha amene angauzeko za cibwenzi cawo?

⁹ Kodi muyenela kuuzako ndani za cibwenzi canu? Cisankho ni ca inu aŵili. Kuciyambi kwa cibwenzi canu, mungasankhe kuuzako anthu ocepa cabe. (Miy. 17:27) Kucita zimenezi kudzakuthandizani kupewa kufunsidwa mafunso, kapena kukakamizidwa kuloŵa m’banja. Komabe, ngati simunauzeko aliyense, mungamadzipatule kuopela kuti anthu ena angadziŵe. Zimenezi zingakhale zoopsa. Conco, cingakhale canzelu kuuzako anthu amene angakupatseni upangili wanzelu na kukuthandizani m’njila zina. (Miy. 15:22) Mwa citsanzo, mungauzeko ena m’banja lanu, mabwenzi anu okhwima, kapena akulu mumpingo.

10. Kodi amene ali pa cibwenzi ayenela kucita ciyani kuti cibwenzi cawo cikhalebe coyela? (Miyambo 22:3)

¹⁰ Kodi mungatani kuti cibwenzi canu cikhale coyela? Pamene cikondi canu cikukula, mudzayamba kukopeka ngako na mnzanuyo. Mungatani kuti mukhalebe oyela m’zocita zanu? (1 Akor. 6:18) Pewani kukambilana nkhani za kugonana, kukhala kwanokha-nokha, komanso kumwa moŵa kwambili (Aef. 5:3) Kucita zimenezi kungadzutse cilakolako ca kugonana, ndipo kungakulepheletseni kucita zoyenela. Mungacite bwino kumakambilana nthawi na nthawi zinthu zimene zingakuthandizeni kusunga cibwenzi canu cili coyela. (Ŵelengani Miyambo 22:3.) Onani zimene zinathandiza m’bale Dawit na mlongo Almaz a ku Ethiopia. Iwo anati, “Tinali kucezela pamalo oonekela, kapena pamodzi na mabwenzi athu. Tinali kupewa kukhala tili aŵili-ŵili m’motoka kapena m’nyumba. Izi zinatithandiza kupewa kugwela m’mayeselo.”

11. Kodi amene ali pa cibwenzi ayenela kuganizila ciyani posankha mmene angaonetselane cikondi?

¹¹ Nanga bwanji pa nkhani yoonetsana cikondi? Pamene cikondi cikukula, mungasankhe kumaonetsana cikondi m’njila zoyenela. Komabe, ngati cilakolako ca kugonana cayamba kukula, zingakhale zovuta kucita zoyenela. (Nyimbo 1:2; 2:6) Kuonetsana cikondi mopambanitsa kungapangitse kuti mulephele kudziletsa, ndipo mungacite zinthu zimene zingakhumudwitse Mulungu. (Miy. 6:27) Conco kuciyambi kwa cibwenzi canu, dziikileni malile pa nkhani yoonetsana cikondi kuti muzicita zinthu mogwilizana na mfundo za m’Baibo. c (1 Ates. 4:​3-7) Kambilanani mafunso aya, ‘Kodi anthu kuno kwathu angatione bwanji tikamaonetsana cikondi? Kodi zimene tifuna kusankha pa nkhaniyi, zingadzutse cilakolako ca kugonana mwa mmodzi wa ife?’

12. Kodi amene ali pa cibwenzi ayenela kudziŵa ciyani ngati nthawi zambili amakangana?

¹² Kodi mungathane nawo bwanji mavuto a m’cibwenzi? Ngati mumakangana nthawi zambili, kodi n’cizindikilo cakuti sindinu oyenelelana? Osati kwenikweni. Anthu onse amene  ali pa cibwenzi amasemphana maganizo nthawi zina. Cikwati colimba cimapangidwa na anthu aŵili amene amalemekezana, ndipo aliyense wa iwo amakhala wokonzeka kuika zofuna za mnzake patsogolo. Conco, mmene mumathetsela mavuto panopa, zimaonetsa ngati cikwati canu cidzakhala copambana kapena ayi. Pamene muli pa cibwenzi, dzifunseni kuti: ‘Pakakhala vuto, kodi timakambilana modekha komanso mwaulemu? Kodi timavomeleza mwamsanga tikalakwilana na kuyesetsa kuongolela? Kodi aliyense wa ife amalolela kulakwilidwa, kupepesa, na kukhululuka?’ (Aef. 4:​31, 32) Komanso, ngati mumakangana nthawi zambili mukali pa cibwenzi, musayembekezele kuti zinthu zidzasintha mukaloŵa m’banja. Conco mukazindikila kuti mnzanuyo si wokuyenelelani, mungacite bwino kuthetsa cibwenzico. Kucita zimenezi kungakhale kothandiza kwa nonsenu. d

13. N’ciyani cingathandize amene ali pa cibwenzi kudziŵa utali umene adzakhala pa cibwenzi?

¹³ Kodi muyenela kukhala pa cibwenzi kwa nthawi yaitali bwanji? Kupanga zisankho mopupuluma, nthawi zambili kumatsogolela ku mavuto. (Miy. 21:5) Conco, muyenela kukhala pa cibwenzi kwa nthawi yokwanila kuti mumudziŵe bwino mnzanuyo. Koma simuyenela kukhala pa cibwenzi kwa nthawi yaitali popanda zifukwa zomveka. Baibo imati, “Cinthu cimene umayembekezela cikalepheleka, mtima umadwala.” (Miy. 13:12) Kuwonjezela apo, cibwenzi cikakhalitsa zimakhala zosavuta kucita ciwelewele. (1 Akor. 7:9) Conco m’malo moyang’ana pa utali umene mwakhala pa cibwenzi, mungacite bwino kudzifunsa kuti, ‘N’ciyaninso cina cimene nifuna kudziŵa cokhudza munthuyu kuti nipange cisankho coloŵa naye m’banja kapena kuthetsa cibwenzici?’

KODI ENA ANGAWATHANDIZE BWANJI AMENE ALI PA CIBWENZI?

14. Kodi ena angawathandize bwanji anthu amene ali pa cibwenzi? (Onaninso cithunzi.)

¹⁴ Ngati tidziŵako amene ali pa cibwenzi, kodi tingawathandize bwanji? Tingawaitanile ku cakudya, pa kulambila kwathu kwa pabanja, kapena kuti adzacite nafe zosangalatsa. (Aroma 12:13) Pa zocitika zimenezi, iwo angathe kudziŵana bwino kwambili. Ngati n’kotheka, mungawathandize akafuna thandizo la mayendedwe, munthu owapelekeza, kapena akafuna malo abwino ocezela. (Agal. 6:10) Alicia amene tam’chula kuciyambi akumbukila zimene  iye na Aschwin anali kuyamikila pamene anali pa cibwenzi. Iye anati, “Zinali zosangalatsa kumva abale ena akutiuza kuti ngati tifuna, tingapite kunyumba kwawo kukaceza.” Ngati akupemphani kuti muwapelekeze, bwanji osauona ngati mwayi wowathandiza? Koma khalani osamala kuti musawasiye ali okha-okha, ndipo pa nthawi imodzimodziyo khalani ozindikila kuti muwapatse mpata akafuna kukambilana za kukhosi.—Afil. 2:4.

15. Tiyenela kupewa ciyani kuti tithandize amene ali pa cibwenzi? (Miyambo 12:18)

¹⁵ Tingathandize amene ali pa cibwenzi mwa zokamba zathu. Nthawi zina tingafunike kudziletsa kuti tisalankhule ciliconse. (Ŵelengani Miyambo 12:18.) Mwa citsanzo, tingakhale ofunitsitsa kuuzako anzathu kuti uje na uje ali pa cibwenzi, koma anthuwo angafune kukawauza okha za nkhaniyo. Sitiyenela kuwanenela misece amene ali pa cibwenzi kapena kuwaimba mlandu pa nkhani zaumwini. (Miy. 20:19; Aroma 14:10; 1 Ates. 4:11) Kuwonjezela apo, sitiyenela kukamba mawu kapena kuwafunsa mafunso oonetsa kuti tikufuna kuti anthuwo akaloŵe m’banja. Mlongo wina dzina lake Elise na mwamuna wake anati, “Tinali kucita manyazi ena akatifunsa za makonzedwe a ukwati, ife eni tisanakambilane.”

16. Tiyenela kutani ngati anthu asankha kuthetsa cibwenzi?

¹⁶ Nanga bwanji ngati amene ali pa cibwenzi asankha kucithetsa? Tiyenela kupewa kuloŵelela m’nkhani zawo kapena kuimba mlandu mmodzi wa iwo. (1 Pet. 4:15) Mlongo wina dzina lake Lea anati: “Zinanipweteka ngako kumva kuti ena anali kukambilana za cifukwa cimene ine na m’bale wina tinathetsela cibwenzi cathu.” Monga tanenela kale, ngati anthu athetsa cibwenzi sindiye kuti alakwitsa. Nthawi zambili kucita izi kumaonetsa kuti cibwenzico cakwanilitsa colinga cake, comwe ni kuthandiza amene ali pa cibwenziwo kupanga cisankho coyenela. Komabe, cibwenzi cikatha, kaŵili-kawili anthuwo amakhala opwetekedwa mtima komanso osungulumwa. Conco, tiyenela kupeza njila zowathandizila.—Miy. 17:17.

17. Kodi amene ali pa cibwenzi ayenela kupitiliza kutani?

¹⁷ Monga taonela, kukhala pa cibwenzi kuli na mavuto ake koma kungakhalenso kosangalatsa. Jessica anati, “Tinafunika kulimbikila kuti cibwenzi cathu ciyende bwino. Koma ndine wosangalala kuti tinaseŵenzetsa mphamvu na nthawi yathu kuti tidziŵane bwino.” Ngati muli pa cibwenzi, pitilizani kucita khama kuti mudziŵane bwino. Mukatelo, mudzakhala na cibwenzi copambana cimene cidzakuthandizani kupanga cisankho mwanzelu.