URATEKEREZA ko uwo mugabo n’umugore we bakeneye gukemura ibihe bibazo? Biragaragara ko umugabo afite ikibazo cyo kudategeka uburakari bwe. Byongeye kandi, birasa n’aho uwo mugabo n’umugore we batumvikana ku burenganzira abana babo bagombye kugira. Nanone bagomba kuba bafite ikibazo mu buryo bwabo bwo gushyikirana.

Nta shyingiranwa ritagira ibibazo. Abashakanye bose bazahura n’ibibazo binyuranye. Ibibazo byaba byoroshye cyangwa bikomeye, umugabo n’umugore bagomba kwiga uburyo bwo kubikemura. Kuki bagomba kubigenza batyo?

Iyo ibibazo bidakemuwe, amaherezo bishobora kuba nk’inkuta zibuza abashakanye gushyikirana. Umwami w’umunyabwenge Salomo yavuze ko hari ‘intonganya zimeze nk’ibyuma byugariye ibihome’ (Imigani 18:19). Mwakora iki kugira ngo mukureho izo nzitizi maze murusheho gushyikirana neza mu gihe muhanganye n’ibibazo?

Nk’uko umutima n’ibihaha ari ngombwa kugira ngo amaraso akore akazi kayo neza mu mubiri, ni na ko urukundo no kubahana ari ngombwa kugira ngo abashakanye bashobore gushyikirana neza (Abefeso 5:33). Mu gihe abashakanye bakemura ibibazo, urukundo rutuma birengagiza amakosa bakoze mu gihe cyahise hamwe n’imibabaro byabateye, maze bakita ku kibazo bahanganye na cyo muri ako kanya (1 Abakorinto 13:4, 5; 1 Petero 4:8). Iyo abashakanye bubahana, buri wese arareka undi akavuga nta cyo yishisha, kandi akihatira kwiyumvisha icyo mugenzi we ashaka kumvikanisha, aho kwita gusa ku magambo yavuze.

Reka dusuzume intambwe enye zikurikira, maze turebe uko amahame ya Bibiliya ashobora kudufasha gukemura ibibazo mu buryo burangwa n’urukundo no kubahana.

 1. Mujye mushaka umwanya wo kuganira ku kibazo mufite.

Bibiliya igira iti “ikintu cyose kigenerwa igihe cyacyo, . . . igihe cyo guceceka n’igihe cyo kuvuga” (Umubwiriza 3:1, 7). Nk’uko byagaragajwe mu ntonganya twabonye tugitangira, hari ibibazo bishobora kubyutsa uburakari. Niba ibyo bibaye, mujye mwifata mube muretse kuvuga; mu yandi magambo, mujye ‘muceceka’ mutararakara cyane. Nimukurikiza inama ya Bibiliya ikurikira, muzirinda kwangiza imishyikirano yanyu. Iyo nama igira iti “itangira ry’intonganya ni nk’ugomoroye amazi, nuko reka impaka zitarabyara intonganya.”—Imigani 17:14.

Ariko kandi, hari n’“igihe cyo kuvuga.” Nk’uko ibyatsi bibi bitaranduwe bikura vuba, ni na ko ibibazo bidakemuwe bikomera bigahinduka ingutu. Ku bw’ibyo, ntukarangarane ikibazo wibwira ko kizagera aho kikibagirana. Niba mubaye muretse kuvuga, mujye mugaragarizanya icyubahiro, maze mushake akandi kanya bidatinze kugira ngo muganire kuri cya kibazo. Iyo musezeranye kubigenza mutyo, bishobora kubafasha gushyira mu bikorwa ihame rikubiye mu nama ya Bibiliya igira iti “izuba ntirikarenge mukirakaye” (Abefeso 4:26). Birumvikana rwose ko icyo muba mukeneye ari ukubahiriza ibyo mwasezeranye.

2. Tanga igitekerezo cyawe nta buryarya kandi mu kinyabupfura.

Bibiliya igira iti “umuntu wese muri mwe akwiriye kuvugana ukuri na mugenzi we” (Abefeso 4:25). Niba warashatse, mugenzi wawe wa mbere ni uwo mwashakanye. Kubera iyo mpamvu, mu gihe ugira icyo umubwira, jya umubwiza ukuri kandi ugaragaze uko wiyumva nta guca ku ruhande. Margareta * umaze imyaka 26 ashatse, yaravuze ati “nkimara gushyingirwa, nari niteze ko umugabo wanjye azajya ahita yiyumvisha uko merewe mu gihe havutse ikibazo. Ariko kandi, naje kubona ko kwitega ibintu nk’ibyo bidashyize mu gaciro. Ubu ngerageza kugaragaza neza icyo ntekereza n’uko numva meze.”

Ibuka ko iyo muganira ku kibazo, intego yawe iba atari iyo gutsinda urugamba cyangwa kwivuna umwanzi. Ahubwo icyo uba ugamije ni ukumenyesha mugenzi wawe icyo utekereza. Kugira ngo ubigereho neza, jya ugaragaza neza ikibazo ufite, werekane igihe cyatangiriye, hanyuma werekane uko wumva umeze ku birebana n’icyo kibazo. Urugero, mu gihe urakajwe n’uko uwo mwashakanye agira akajagari, ushobora kumubwira umwubashye uti ‘iyo uvuye ku kazi wagera hano ugasiga imyenda yawe hasi [ugaragaje ikibazo n’igihe kivukira], mba numva udaha agaciro imihati nshyiraho nita kuri iyi nzu [usobanuye neza uko wumva umeze].’ Hanyuma ugaragaze uko ubona ikibazo cyakemuka, ariko ubikorane amakenga.

3. Jya utega amatwi uwo mwashakanye kandi nakubwira uko amerewe ubyemere.

Umwigishwa Yakobo yanditse avuga ko Abakristo bagombye ‘kujya bihutira kumva ariko bagatinda kuvuga, kandi bagatinda kurakara’ (Yakobo 1:19). Nta kintu gituma abashakanye babura ibyishimo nko kumva ko uwo mwashakanye atiyumvisha uko umerewe mu gihe havutse ikibazo. Ku bw’ibyo, iyemeze kutazatuma uwo mwashakanye yumva ko utita ku byiyumvo bye.—Matayo 7:12.

Wolfgang umaze imyaka 35 ashatse yaravuze ati “iyo jye n’umugore wanjye tuganira ku bibazo dufite numva mpangayitse, cyane cyane iyo mbona ko umugore wanjye atumva ibitekerezo byanjye.” Dianna umaze imyaka 20 ashatse yaravuze ati “incuro nyinshi ninubira ko umugabo wanjye atantega amatwi by’ukuri iyo tuganira ku bibazo dufite.” Wakuraho ute iyo nzitizi?

Ntuzibwire ko uzi neza ibyo uwo mwashakanye atekereza cyangwa uko yiyumva. Ijambo ry’Imana rigira riti “ubwibone butera intonganya gusa, ariko ubwenge bufitwe n’abagirwa inama nziza” (Imigani 13:10). Jya ugaragariza uwo  mwashakanye icyubahiro umuha akanya ko kuvuga icyo atekereza, utamuciye mu ijambo. Hanyuma kugira ngo umenye neza niba wasobanukiwe icyo yavuze, ujye uvuga mu magambo yawe ibyo wumvise, kandi ubikore utamuhutaje cyangwa ngo umusesereze. Emera ko uwo mwashakanye agukosora niba mu byo yavuze hari icyo wumvise nabi. Ntukavuge gusa, ahubwo ujye unatega amatwi kugeza igihe mwembi mwemeranyije ko buri wese asobanukiwe ibitekerezo n’ibyiyumvo bya mugenzi we ku birebana n’icyo kibazo.

Ni iby’ukuri ko gutega amatwi witonze uwo mwashakanye kandi ukemera ibitekerezo bye bisaba kwicisha bugufi no kwihangana. Ariko iyo ufashe iya mbere ukagaragariza uwo mwashakanye icyubahiro muri ubwo buryo, na we biramworohera kukubaha.—Matayo 7:2; Abaroma 12:10.

4. Mwumvikane ku muti w’ikibazo.

Bibiliya igira iti “ababiri baruta umwe, kuko babona ibihembo byiza by’imirimo yabo, kuko iyo baguye umwe abyutsa mugenzi we” (Umubwiriza 4:9, 10). Ibibazo abashakanye bagira mu ishyingiranwa ryabo ntibishobora gukemuka badafatanyije, ngo umwe ashyigikire undi.

Ni iby’ukuri ko Yehova yashyizeho umugabo ngo abe umutware w’umuryango (1 Abakorinto 11:3; Abefeso 5:23). Ariko kandi, kuba umutware w’umuryango ntibisobanura gutwaza igitugu. Umugabo w’umunyabwenge ntazafata imyanzuro atitaye ku bitekerezo by’umugore we. David umaze imyaka 20 ashatse yagize ati “ngerageza kureba icyo jye n’umugore wanjye twemeranyaho, hanyuma ngafata umwanzuro twembi duhurizaho.” Uwitwa Tanya umaze imyaka irindwi ashatse, yaravuze ati “ikibazo si ukumenya uri mu kuri n’uri mu makosa. Hari igihe abashakanye baba bafite ibitekerezo bitandukanye ku birebana n’ukuntu ikibazo cyakemuka. Aha nasanze ibanga ryo kugira icyo ugeraho ari ukuva ku izima no gushyira mu gaciro.”

Yesu yagereranyije ishyingiranwa n’umugogo (Matayo 19:6). Mu gihe cye, umugogo wari ingiga y’igiti bahambiraga ku majosi y’amatungo abiri kugira ngo afatanye gukora akazi. Iyo ayo matungo atafatanyaga, ntiyashoboraga gukora umurimo wayo neza, kandi uwo mugogo washoboraga kuyababaza amajosi. Iyo yakoreraga hamwe, yashoboraga gukurura imizigo iremereye cyangwa agakora neza umurimo w’ubuhinzi.

Mu buryo nk’ubwo, iyo umugabo n’umugore bananiwe gukorera hamwe, umugogo w’ishyingiranwa ushobora kubababaza. Ku rundi ruhande, iyo bitoje gufatanya, bashobora gukemura ibibazo bahura na byo hafi ya byose kandi bakagera kuri byinshi. Umugabo ufite urugo rwiza witwa Kalala yabivuze mu magambo make agira ati “mu myaka 25 maranye n’umugore wanjye, twagiye dukemura ibibazo byacu. Ibyo tubishobozwa n’uko tubwizanya ukuri, buri wese akishyira mu mwanya wa mugenzi we, tugasenga Yehova kugira ngo adufashe, kandi tugashyira mu bikorwa amahame ya Bibiliya.” Ese namwe mushobora kubigenza mutyo?