Hari abantu batana n’abo bashakanye bizeye ko ubuzima buzarushaho kuba bwiza. Hari n’abandi baba bifuza kugumana n’abo bashakanye, ariko bikanga. Icyakora abantu batana hafi ya bose, basanga ubwo buzima bugoye kurusha uko babitekerezaga. Kandi koko niba uherutse gutana n’uwo mwashakanye, ushobora kuba ubona ko imibereho ufite ubu igoye cyane kurusha indi mibereho iyo ari yo yose ushobora kuzahura na yo. Ku bw’ibyo, byaba byiza usuzumye zimwe mu nama zo muri Bibiliya zagufasha guhangana n’ibibazo biterwa no gutana n’uwo mwashakanye.

Ibibazo by’amafaranga, kurera abana n’irungu bishobora kugutesha umutwe, kandi si ko buri gihe bihita bishira. Judith Wallerstein, umuhanga mu by’imyitwarire n’imitekerereze y’abantu, yabonye ko bamwe mu batana n’abo bashakanye, bashobora kumara imyaka myinshi bumva barahemukiwe kandi ko nta wubitayeho, bagatekereza ko “isi itagira inyiturano, bakumva baratengushywe kandi baratereranywe.”

ICYO WAKORA

• Jya uririra icyo watakaje. Ushobora kubabazwa n’uko utakiri kumwe n’uwo mwari mwarashakanye  kandi na n’ubu ukimukunda. Nubwo mutari mubanye neza, ushobora kubabazwa n’uko utabonye ibyishimo wari witeze mu rushako (Imigani 5:18). Jya ufata “igihe cyo kurira,” kandi ibyo ntibikagutere isoni.—Umubwiriza 3:1, 4.

• Irinde kwigunga. Nubwo ukeneye igihe cyo kurira uri wenyine, kumara igihe kirekire wigunze ntibyaba bikwiriye (Imigani 18:1). Mu gihe uri kumwe n’incuti zawe, ujye uganira na zo ibintu byubaka, kuko guhora witotombera uwo mwari mwarashakanye, nubwo waba ufite impamvu zumvikana, bishobora gutuma abandi bakwitarura. Mu gihe ugiye gufata imyanzuro ikomeye nyuma yo gutana n’uwo mwari mwarashakanye, ujye ugisha inama umuntu wizeye.

• Jya wita ku buzima bwawe. Imihangayiko iterwa no gutana n’uwo mwashakanye ishobora kugutera indwara zitandukanye, urugero nk’umutima cyangwa umutwe. Jya urya neza, ukore siporo kandi uruhuke bihagije.—Abefeso 5:29.

• Ikureho ibintu byose byatuma urakarira uwo mwari mwarashakanye cyangwa ibyo utagikeneye, ariko ugumane impapuro z’ingenzi. Niba nk’amafoto y’ubukwe amukwibutsa agatuma wongera kugira agahinda, yafungire hamwe maze uyabike kuko abana bawe bashobora kuzajya bayareba.

• Jya urwanya ibitekerezo bibi. Olga watanye n’umugabo we amaze kumuca inyuma, yaravuze ati “nakomezaga kwibaza nti ‘ariko se uwo mugore baryamanye andusha iki koko?’” Ariko Olga yaje gutahura ko gukomeza kugira ibyo bitekerezo bibi nta kindi byari kumumarira, uretse gutuma ‘yiheba.’—Imigani 18:14.

  Abantu benshi babonye ko kwandika ibyo batekereza bibafasha kubisobanura neza, kandi bikabafasha kwigenzura. Mu gihe wandika ibyo bitekerezo byawe, ibitekerezo bibi wari ufite ujye ugerageza kubisimbuza ibyiza (Abefeso 4:23). Dore ingero ebyiri:

  Igitekerezo kibi: Ni jye watumye umugabo wanjye anca inyuma.

  Igitekerezo cyiza: Amakosa yanjye ntamuha uburenganzira bwo kunca inyuma.

  Igitekerezo kibi: Napfushije ubusa igihe cyanjye cyiza nkimarana n’umugabo mubi.

  Igitekerezo cyiza: Kugira ngo ngire ibyishimo ngomba guhanga amaso ibiri imbere nkibagirwa ibya kera.

• Jya wirengagiza amagambo mabi bakuvugaho. Incuti zawe cyangwa bene wanyu bashobora kuvuga amagambo agukomeretsa cyangwa adakwiriye, ariko nta ntego mbi bafite. Urugero, bashobora kuvuga bati “erega n’ubundi umugore wawe ntiyari ashobotse,” cyangwa bakavuga bati “Imana yanga abatana.” * Ku bw’ibyo, inama Bibiliya itugira irakwiriye rwose. Iyo nama igira iti “ntukerekeze umutima wawe ku magambo yose abantu bavuga” (Umubwiriza 7:21). Martina umaze imyaka ibiri atanye n’uwo bari barashakanye, yaravuze ati “aho kwibanda ku magambo ambabaza, ngerageza kubona ibintu nk’uko Imana ibibona, kuko ibitekerezo byayo biruta ibyacu.”—Yesaya 55:8, 9.

• Jya usenga Imana. Imana itera abagaragu bayo inkunga yo ‘kuyikoreza imihangayiko yabo yose,’ cyane cyane mu gihe bafite agahinda kenshi.—1 Petero 5:7.

Juliana wari umaze imyaka 11 ashatse, yaravuze ati “ninginze umugabo wanjye ngo twe gutana. Ariko amaze kugenda, naramurakariye ndakarira  n’umugore yashatse.” Abenshi mu bantu batana, bamara imyaka myinshi bararakariye abo bari barashakanye. Icyakora bahatirwa gukomeza kuvugana na bo, cyane cyane igihe bafitanye abana.

ICYO WAKORA

• Jya ukomeza kugaragaza ikinyabupfura mu gihe uganira n’uwo mwatanye. Jya wibanda ku bintu by’ingenzi, wirinde kurondogora kandi ugushe ku ngingo. Abenshi basanze ubwo ari uburyo bwiza bwo kubumbatira amahoro.—Abaroma 12:18.

• Ntukamushotore. Mu gihe wumva arimo agushotora, ujye ukurikiza inama ya Bibiliya igira iti “uwifata mu byo avuga aba ari umunyabwenge” (Imigani 17:27). Niba mudashobora kuganira neza mutuje, ushobora kuvuga uti “reka mbanze mbitekerezeho ndaza kugusubiza.”

• Mu gihe bishoboka, ujye utandukanya ibyo wari usangiye n’uwo mwatanye, urugero nk’ibirebana n’amategeko, imitungo cyangwa ibyo kwivuza.

Maria yavuze uko yumvaga amerewe akimara gutana n’umugabo we, agira ati “umwana wanjye muto yahoraga arira, kandi yongeye kujya anyara ku buriri. Nubwo umukobwa wanjye mukuru yageragezaga guhisha agahinda ke, na we nabonaga ko hari icyahindutse muri we.” Ikibabaje ni uko ushobora kumva nta mwanya ufite wo guhumuriza abana bawe cyangwa ukumva utabishoboye, kandi byari bikenewe cyane.

ICYO WAKORA

• Jya utera abana bawe inkunga yo kukubwira uko biyumva, nubwo bishobora gutuma bavuga “amagambo aterekeranye.”—Yobu 6:2, 3.

• Jya wibuka ko uri umubyeyi. Nubwo ushobora kuba wifuza guhumurizwa kandi ukaba ubona abana bawe biteguye kuguhumuriza, ntibyaba bikwiriye ko ubibasaba kuko ibibazo ufite bibarenze, kandi rwose ibyo bibagiraho ingaruka (1 Abakorinto 13:11). Ujye wirinda kubitsa umwana wawe amabanga, cyangwa ngo wifuze ko akubera umuhuza cyangwa umuvugizi hagati yawe n’uwo mwari mwarashakanye.

• Jya ufasha abana bawe kugendera kuri gahunda ihamye. Nubwo kuguma aho mwari mutuye kandi mugakomeza kugendera kuri gahunda mwari musanganywe bizabafasha, icy’ingenzi kurushaho ni ugukomeza kugira gahunda ihoraho y’iby’umwuka, harimo gusoma Bibiliya na gahunda y’iby’umwuka mu muryango.—Gutegeka kwa Kabiri 6:6-9.

Koko rero, ubuzima burakomeza na nyuma yo gutana. Melissa wamaranye n’umugabo imyaka 16, yaravuze ati “igihe natanaga n’uwo twari twarashakanye, naratekereje nti ‘ubu si bwo buzima nifuzaga.’” Icyakora ubu yumva anyuzwe. Yagize ati “igihe nari maze kwiyibagiza ibyabaye, numvise merewe neza.”