Abantu abaninzi bathi ukuncoma umntwana wakho asinto ilula. Abanye bathi ukuhlala umncoma umntwana kuya kumonakalisa kuze kumenze aziphakamise.

Ngapha koko, ufanele uyazi indlela omncoma ngayo umntwana wakho. Yeyiphi eyona ndlela imkhuthazayo? Yeyiphi indlela enokumenza aziphakamise? Ungamncoma njani ukuze angaziphakamisi?

Iindlela zokuncoma azifani. Khawucinge ngoku:

Ukuncoma kakhulu kungabangela ingxaki. Abazali abaninzi bancoma abantwana ngenjongo yokuba bazithembe. UGqr.David Walsh ulumkisa ngelithi: “abantwana bayakubona xa ubaqhatha ngokubancoma ngokubaxekileyo. Xa besazi ukuba bebengafanelwangwa kukunconywa ngaloo ndlela basenokuphela bengakuthembi.” *

Kulungile ukuncoma ubuchule. Masithi umntwana wakho oyintombi unobuchule bokuzoba. Ngokuqhelekileyo, ukumncoma ngaloo nto, kunokumkhuthaza ukuba azithembe ngesiphiwo anaso. Kodwa kusenokubakho ingxaki. Ukuncoma umntwana wakho ngobuchule anabo kungamenza acinge ukuba obona buchule kufuneka abusebenzele, bobuza lula. Usenokoyika ukwenza ezinye izinto, kuba ecinga ukuba akanakuphumelela. Xa kufuneke esebenzele into, usenokucinga oku ‘Andinakuze ndiyenze le nto—kutheni ndizihlupha ngayo nje?’

Mncome umzamo wakhe. Kungcono ukuncoma umntwana ngenxa yokusebenza nzima nokunyamezela kwakhe kunokumncoma ngesiphiwo anaso—kuba ukuba nobuchule  kufuna umonde nokuzimisela. Ngenxa yokwazi oko incwadi ethi, Letting Go With Love and Confidence ithi, “basebenza nzima ukuze bazuze oko bakunqwenelayo. Naxa bengaphumeleli kuloo nto bayenzayo, abaphoxeki, kuba bakuthatha njengesifundo ukungaphumeleli.”

Ncoma umzamo, kungekuphela ubuchule. Ukuthetha amazwi afana nokuthi, “Ndiyayibona indlela ozimisela ngayo kumzobo wakho,” kungabhetele kunokusuka nje uthi, “Ungumzobi ovunyiweyo.” Zombini ezi ndlela zokuthetha ziyancoma, kodwa le yesibini ibonisa ukuba ubuchule ozalwe nabo bobona umntwana enza kakuhle xa enabo.

Xa uwuncoma umzamo, ufundisa umntwana wakho ukuba ubuchule bufuna uqheliselo. Umntwana wakho uya kutsho akwazi ukumelana neegxaki ngokuzithemba.—Umgaqo weBhayibhile: IMizekeliso 14:23.

Mncede amelane nokuphoxeka. Nabantu abalungileyo basenokuzenza ngokuphindaphindiweyo iimpazamo. (IMizekeliso 24:16) Kodwa emva kwempazamo nganye, baye bafunde kuloo mava baze baqhubeke nobomi. Ungamnceda njani umntwana wakho acinge olo hlobo?

Zimisele ukujonga umzamo wakhe. Khawucinge ngalo mzekelo: Masithi uhlala usithi entombini yakho, “Ukrelekrele kwizibalo,” kodwa asuke angaphumeleli kuvavanyo lwezibalo. Lo mntwana usenokugqiba ekubeni akanakuze aphinde azazi izibalo, ngoko kutheni emele aphucule?

Xa uzimisele ukujonga umzamo emntwaneni wakho, umnceda afunde ukunyamezela. Umntwana wakho umnceda abone ingxaki njengento njee kunokuba imoyise. Endaweni yokuba anikezele usenokuzama enye indlela okanye asebenze nzima nangakumbi.—Umgaqo weBhayibhile: Yakobi 3:2.

Mlungise ngendlela eza kumnceda. Xa elungiswa ngendlela efanelekileyo, loo nto iya kumakha umntwana kunokuba imenze buhlungu. Kwakhona, ukuba usoloko umncoma ngendlela efanelekileyo, uya kukuphulaphula xa umnceda ukuba aphucule. Xa esenza izinto kakuhle uya kuvuya naye avuye.—Umgaqo weBhayibhile: IMizekeliso 13:4.