UHerman noLinda bonwabile kunye. ULinda utshate noHerman emva kokuba eqhawule umtshato. Ewe kona bayaqonda ukuba umtshato wesibini unokuba neengxaki ezingazange zibekho kowokuqala. *

Ukuba utshata okwesibini, kunjani kuloo mtshato? Inkosikazi enguTamara, netshate emva kweminyaka emithathu iwuqhawulile umtshato wokuqala, ithi: “Xa utshata okokuqala, awuyicingi into yokuba umtshato wakho ungaze uphele. Kodwa kulo wesibini ucinga ngeny’ indlela kuba kaloku uye waphela lo wokuqala.”

Noko ke, baninzi abantu abaye bonwaba baza baphumelela kwimitshato yabo yesibini. Xa baphumelela bona—nawe unako! Njani? Makhe sithethe ngeengxaki eziqhelekileyo size sibone nendlela iBhayibhile enokunceda ngayo. *

UEllen ohlala eMzantsi Afrika uthi: “Kunzima ukuwulibala umtshato wokuqala ingakumbi xa sityelela kwiindawo esasithanda ukuya kuzo nomyeni wam wangaphambili. Ngamanye amaxesha umyeni wam ndiye ndimthelekise nalowa.” Isenokukruqula into yokuva umntu otshate naye esoloko ethetha ngomtshato wakhe wokuqala.

ICEBISO: Yazi into yokuba iqabane lakho alinakuwulibala ngokulula umtshato wangaphambili, ingakumbi xa ubukho kangangeminyaka. Eneneni, abanye bayavuma ukuba ngempazamo baye bawabiza amaqabane awo ngamagama alawo angaphambili! Xa loo nto isenzeka yintoni onokuyenza? IBhayibhile ithi: “Elowo makamqonde omnye.”—1 Petros 3:8, iNew Century Version.

Sukuthi ngekhwele ungafuni nokuva ngomtshato wokuqala. Ukuba iqabane lakho linqwenela ukuthetha ngomtshato wangaphambili, limamele ngenyameko. Kwakhona sukukhawuleza ucinge ukuba uthelekiswa nalo. UIan owaphinda watshata emva kweminyaka elishumi uthi: “Umfazi wam uKaitlyn wayengakhathazeki xa ndithetha ngenkosikazi yam eyaswelekayo. Kunoko wakubona oko njengokwandinceda ndaba ngulo mntu ndinguye namhlanje.” Usenokufumanisa ukuba iincoko ezinjalo zininceda nisondelelane.

Buka iimpawu ezintle nezithandakayo zeqabane lakho elitsha. Liyinyaniso elokuba, lomntu utshate naye usenokuba nezinto angakwazi ukuzenza kakuhle njenga lowa wokuqala. Kodwa ke zibe zikhona izinto amhle ngazo ngaphezu kwalo wangaphambili. Ngoko yomeleza umtshato wakho, ‘ungathelekisi’ eli qabane neliya langaphambili, kodwa libonise oko ukuthandayo ngalo. (Galati 6:4) UEdmond otshata okwesibini uthi: “Njengokuba ubuhlobo nabantu ababini bungafani, kunjalo ke nangomtshato.”

Iinkumbulo zomtshato wokuqala ungazibeka njani endaweni yazo ekubeni ngoku uphinde watshata? UJared uthi: “Ndakhe ndamchazela umfazi wam ukuba umtshato wam wokuqala ufana nencwadi entle esayibhala sobabini nomfazi wam wangaphambili. Ngamanye amaxesha ndiye ndiyivule ndize ndiyifunde ndikhumbule amaxesha amnandi. Kodwa ke andiphili kula ncwadi. Kunoko mna nomfazi sibhala incwadi yethu, ibe ndonwabile apho ndikhoyo.”

UJavier owaphinda watshata emva kweminyaka emithandathu ewuqhawule-umtshato uthi: “Kangangethuba elide sitshatile, umfazi wam wayevakalelwa kukuba abahlobo bam babefuna ukumbona ukuba ungumntu onjani.” ULeo yena waye kwenye ingxaki eyahlukileyo. Uthi: “Abanye baxelela umfazi wam indlela ababemkhumbula ngayo umyeni wakhe wokuqala—ndikhona!”

ICEBISO: Bavele kaloku abahlobo bakho. UIan ebesikhe sathetha ngaye uthi: “Ndicinga ukuba abahlobo bababuhlungu ibe bayazibamba kweli qabane litsha baqalayo nokulibona.” Ngoko ke ‘yiba nengqiqo, ubonise ubulali kubantu bonke.’ (Tito 3:2) Banik’ ixesha abahlobo nentsapho ukuba bayiqhele le meko intsha. Njengokuba kaloku umtshato wakho utshintshile kunjalo nangabahlobo. UJavier ebesikhe samcaphula uthi: “Njengokuba ixesha lihamba mna nomfazi wam ­saphinda sahlobana naba bahlobo bakuqala. Kodwa ke siyazama nokuzenzela abanye abahlobo, ibe oko kuya sinceda.”

Licingele iqabane lakho xa uhleli nabahlobo bakho. Ngokomzekelo, ukuba kuvela incoko yomtshato wokuqala, phendula ngobuchule ukuze lo mntu utshate naye ngoku angakhathazeki. Umzekeliso oseBhayibhileni uthi “Ukuba umntu uthetha engacinganga amazwi akhe ahlaba  njengekrele. Kodwa onobulumko uyakulumkela oko akuthethayo. Amazwi akhe ayaphilisa kwabo bantliziyo ikhathazekileyo.”—IMizekeliso 12:18, IHoly Bible—Easy-to-Read Version.

UAndrew owashiywa ngumfazi wakhe uthi: “Ndandisoyikela ukuba nalo uza kuphinda andishiye.” Kamva watshata noRiley. “Ndandiye ndizibuze ngamanye amaxesha ukuba ndingaze ndibe njengomyeni wokuqala kaRiley na. Ndandisiba nexhala lokuba angacinga ukuba andimfanelanga aze andishiye aye komnye umntu.”

ICEBISO: Ncokola ngezinto ezinixhalabisayo neqabane lakho. IBhayibhile ithi: “Amacebo ayatshitsha apho kungekho gqugula.” (IMizekeliso 15:22) Ukuthetha ngeengxaki zabo kwanceda uAndrew noRiley bathembana. UAndrew uthi, “ndamchazela uRiley ukuba andisoze ndiqhawule umtshato nje kuba sineengxaki, kwaye naye uRiley wandithembisa ngento efanayo.” Ibe ngoku bathembana nangakumbi.

Ukuba iqabane onalo ngoku lakhe lalahlwa ngumntu elalitshate naye ngaphambili, kuza kufuneka usebenze nzima ukuze likuthembe. Ngokomzekelo, uMichel noSabine abatshata emveni kokuba bohlukene nawabo amaqabane, bagqiba kwelokuba baxelelane qho bencokola namaqabane abo angaphambili. USabine uthi, “esi sivumelwano sasinceda ukuba sithembane.”—Efese 4:25.

Imitshato yesibini emininzi iye yaphumelela, ibe nowakho ungaphumelela. Ngaphezu koko, umele ukuba ngoku uzazi bhetele ukuba ungumntu onjani kunangexesha owawutshata okokuqala ngalo. UAndrew ebesikhe samcaphula ngaphambilana uthi: “Ndonwabe ngeyona ndlela noRiley. Emva kweminyaka eli-13 sitshatile siye sangabahlobo abakhulu—buhlobo obo esingaphuphiyo ngesiphelo sabo.”