“UKUBA kukho nantoni na endinokuyenza, uncede undazise.” La ngamazwi abaninzi kuthi abawathethayo kumhlobo okanye isalamane esisandul’ ukufelwa. Kakade, siwathetha ngokunyanisekileyo. Singenza nantoni na ukunceda. Kodwa ngaba lowo ufelweyo uye asibize athi: “Ndiyicingile into eninokuyenza ukuze nindincede”? Ngokuqhelekileyo akubi njalo. Kucacile ukuba kusenokufuneka sithabathe inyathelo elithile kuqala ukuba ngokwenene siza kunceda size sithuthuzele umntu osentlungwini.

Umzekeliso weBhayibhile uthi: “Ziilamuni zegolide kwizitya zesilivere ezimakhazikhazi ilizwi elithethwe latyapha.” (IMizekeliso 15:23; 25:11) Kububulumko ukukwazi omawukuthethe nomawungakuthethi, omawukwenze nomawungakwenzi. Nanga amacebiso ambalwa asekelwe eZibhalweni abantu abathile abafelweyo abawafumanise eluncedo.

Phulaphula: UYakobi 1:19 uthi, ‘Yenza msinya ukuva.’ Enye yezona zinto ziluncedo onokuzenza kukwabelana nofelweyo ngentlungu akuyo ngokuphulaphula. Bambi abantu abafelweyo basenokufuna ukuthetha ngalowo bamthandayo ungasekhoyo, ngengozi okanye ukugula okubangele ukufa, okanye ngeemvakalelo zabo emva kokufa kwakhe. Ngoko buza: “Ngaba ungathanda ukuthetha ngako?” Bayeke bazigqibele. Ekhumbula ukufa kukayise, omnye umfana wathi: “Kwakundinceda ngokwenene xa abanye babebuza oko kwenzekileyo baze baphulaphule ngokwenene.” Phulaphula ngomonde nangovelwano ungacingi ukuba kufuneka unikele iimpendulo okanye izicombululo. Bavumele bavakalise nantoni na abafuna ukukuxelela yona.

Nikela isiqinisekiso: Benze baqiniseke ukuba benza konke okusemandleni abo (okanye nantoni na eyenye oyaziyo ukuba iyinyaniso yaye ilukhuthazo). Baqinisekise ukuba indlela abavakalelwa ngayo—ukuba lusizi, umsindo, ukuziva benetyala okanye ezinye iimvakalelo—asinto ingaqhelekanga. Baxelele ngabanye obaziyo abaphinda bachacha emva kokuba belahlekelwe ngokufanayo. “Amazwi amnandi” anjalo “ayimpiliso emathanjeni,” itsho njalo IMizekeliso 16:24.—1 Tesalonika 5:11, 14.

Yiba ngofumanekayo: Zenze ufumaneke, kungekuphela nje kwiintsuku ezimbalwa zokuqala xa kusekho abahlobo nezalamane ezininzi, kodwa nasemva kweenyanga xa abanye bebuyele kwimicimbi yabo yesiqhelo. Ngale ndlela uzingqina ‘ungumhlobo [wokwenene, NW],’ onamathelayo kumhlobo wakhe ngexesha ‘lembandezelo.’ (IMizekeliso 17:17) UTeresea, owafelwa ngumntwana kwingozi yenqwelo-mafutha, uyacacisa: “Abahlobo bethu babeqinisekisa ukuba ngeengokuhlwa kwakusoloko kukho izinto zokusigcina sixakekile  ukuze singabi nathuba lide lokuba sedwa ekhaya. Oko kwasinceda sajamelana nemvakalelo yokungabi nto yanto esasinayo.” Kangangeminyaka kamva, imihla yezikhumbuzo, njengesikhumbuzo somtshato okanye umhla wokufa, inokuba lixesha elinzima kwabo bafelwayo. Kutheni ungayiphawuli imihla enjalo kwikhalenda yakho ukuze xa ifika, ube nokuzenza ufumaneke, ukuba kuyimfuneko, ukuze unikele inkxaso yovelwano?

Thabatha amanyathelo okuqala afanelekileyo: Ngaba kukho imisetyenzana ekufuneka yenziwe? Ngaba kufuneka umntu wokunyamekela abantwana? Ngaba abahlobo nezalamane ezityeleleyo bafuna indawo yokuhlala? Abantu abasandul’ ukufelwa ngokuqhelekileyo badideke kangangokuba abazi nento bona ekufuneka beyenzile, kungasathethwa ke ngokuxelela abanye indlela abanokunceda ngayo. Ngoko ukuba ubona imfuneko yokwenene, musa ukulindela ukucelwa; thabatha inyathelo lokuqala. (1 Korinte 10:24; thelekisa eyoku-1 kaYohane 3:17, 18.) Omnye umfazi owayefelwe yindoda wakhumbula oku: “Abaninzi bathi, ‘ukuba kukho into endinokuyenza, uncede undazise.’ Kodwa omnye umhlobo akazange abuze. Wangena kwigumbi lokulala, waza wahlamba amashiti awayengcole ekufeni komyeni wam. Omnye wathabatha iemele, amanzi nezinto zokucoca waza wahlamba ikhaphethi umyeni wam awayehlanzele kuyo. Emva kweeveki ezimbalwa, omnye wabadala bebandla wafika enxibe iimpahla zokusebenza ephethe nezixhobo zakhe zokusebenza waza wathi, ‘Ndiyazi ukuba imele ukuba ikho into efuna ukulungiswa. Yintoni?’ Hayi indlela endimthanda ngayo ngenxa yokuba walungisa ucango olwalusele luza kuwa nangokulungisa esinye isixhobo sombane!”—Thelekisa uYakobi 1:27.

Bonisa ukubuk’ iindwendwe: “Musani ukukulibala ukubuka iindwendwe,” iBhayibhile iyasikhumbuza. (Hebhere 13:2) Sifanele sikukhumbule ngokukodwa ukubonisa umoya wokubuk’ iindwendwe kwabo basentlungwini. Kunokuthi xa ubamema “ningeza nanini na,” beka umhla nexesha. Ukuba bayala, musa ukuncama ngokukhawuleza. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba bafuna  ukhuthazo lobubele. Mhlawumbi abasamkelanga isimemo sakho ngenxa yokuba besoyika ukungakwazi ukulawula iimvakalelo zabo phambi kwabanye. Okanye basenokuziva benetyala ngokunandipha isidlo nobudlelane ngexesha elinjalo. Khumbula intokazi eyayibuk’ iindwendwe uLidiya ekhankanywe eBhayibhileni. Emva kokumenyelwa ekhayeni layo, uLuka uthi, “Yasithundeza ke ukuba siye.”—IZenzo 16:15, TE.

Yiba nomonde nokuqonda: Musa ukothuswa koko abafelweyo basenokukuthetha ekuqaleni. Khumbula ukuba basenokuba banomsindo yaye baziva benetyala. Ukuba umsindo wabo bawukhuphela kuwe, kuya kufuneka ube nokuqonda nomonde ukuze ungacaphuki. “Yambathani ngoko, . . . iimfesane zeemfefe, ububele, ukuthobeka kwentliziyo, ubulali, ukuzeka kade umsindo,” icebisa njalo iBhayibhile.—Kolose 3:12, 13.

Bhala ileta: Ngokufuthi ukuxabiseka kweleta okanye ikhadi yovelwano kuyatyeshelwa. Kuyingenelo  njani? UCindy, owalahlekelwa ngunina ngenxa yomhlaza, uyaphendula: “Omnye umhlobo wandibhalela ileta emnandi. Yandinceda ngokwenene kuba ndandinokuyiphindaphinda ukuyifunda.” Ileta okanye ikhadi enjalo isenokuquka “amazwi ambalwa,” kodwa ifanele ibonise okusentliziyweni yakho. (Hebhere 13:22, NW) Isenokuthi uyakhathala yaye nawe umkhumbula ngokukhethekileyo lowo ungasekhoyo, okanye isenokubonisa indlela lowo ungasekhoyo abuchaphazele ngayo ubomi bakho.

Thandaza nabo: Ungakujongeli phantsi ukuxabiseka kwemithandazo yakho kunye nabo bafelweyo okanye oyenza ngenxa yabo. IBhayibhile ithi: “Sinamandla kakhulu isikhungo selungisa.” (Yakobi 5:16) Ngokomzekelo, ukukuva ubathandazela kunokubanceda boyise iimvakalelo ezingakhiyo ezinjengokuziva benetyala.—Thelekisa uYakobi 5:13-15.

Musa ukuzinxwema kuba ungazi omawukuthethe okanye ukwenze: Sisenokuzixelela ukuba, ‘ndiqinisekile bafuna ukuba bakhe babe bodwa ngoku.’ Kodwa mhlawumbi inyaniso kukuba siyazinxwema kubo kuba sisoyika ukuthetha okanye ukwenza into ephosakeleyo. Noko ke, ukuphetshwa ngabahlobo, izalamane, okanye amanye amakholwa kusenokwenza lowo ufelweyo azive elilolo ngakumbi, kongeze kwintlungu yakhe. Khumbula, awona mazwi nezenzo zobubele ngokufuthi zezona zilula. (Efese 4:32) Ubukho bakho bubodwa bunokuba ngumthombo wokhuthazo. (Thelekisa IZenzo 28:15.) Ekhumbula imini intombi yakhe eyafa ngayo, uTeresea uthi: “Kungaphelanga neyure, ipaseji yasesibhedlele yayizaliswe ngabahlobo bethu; bonke abadala nabafazi babo babekho. Abanye abafazi babesafake izinto zokuphotha iinwele, abanye babenxibe iimpahla zabo zokusebenza. Bashiya konke beza. Abaninzi babo basixelela ukuba babengayazi into amabayithethe, kodwa oko kwakungabalulekanga kuba babezile.”

Musa ukubanyanzelela ukuba bayeke ukuba buhlungu: Sisenokufuna ukuthi, ‘Kwanele ngoku, kwanele kaloku, mus’ ukukhala.’ Kodwa kusenokuba kokulunge ngakumbi ukumyeka akhale. Ekhumbula ukufa kwendoda yakhe, uKatherine uthi: “Ndicinga ukuba kubalulekile ukubayeka abo bafelweyo babonakalise iimvakalelo zabo baze bazikhuphe ngokwenene.” Luphephe utyekelo lokufuna ukuxelela abanye indlela abafanele bavakalelwe ngayo. Yaye musa ukucinga ukuba umele uyifihle indlela ovakalelwa ngayo ukuze ungathunuki iimvakalelo zabo. Kunoko, ‘lila nabalilayo,’ icebisa oko iBhayibhile.—Roma 12:15.

Musa ukungxama ngokubacebisa ukuba balahle iimpahla okanye ezinye izinto zobuqu zalowo ungasekhoyo ngaphambi kokuba bakulungele ukwenjenjalo: Sisenokuvakalelwa kukuba kulunge ngakumbi ukuba balahle izinto ezibakhumbuza ngongasekhoyo ngenxa yokuba ngandlel’ ithile zibenza babe sentlungwini ithuba elide. Kodwa intetho ethi “Xa into ungayiboni, uyayilibala” isenokungasebenzi kule meko. Lowo ufelweyo kusenokufuneka amlibale ngokuthe ngcembe lowo ungasekhoyo. Khumbula indlela iBhayibhile eyichaza ngayo indlela usolusapho uYakobi awasabela ngayo xa wenziwa wakholelwa ukuba unyana wakhe oselula uYosefu wayebulewe lirhamncwa. Emva kokuba uYakobi eboniswe ingubo ende kaYosefu elijaja ligazi, “wamenzela isijwili unyana wakhe imihla emininzi. Besuka bonke oonyana bakhe, nazo zonke iintombi zakhe, beza kumthuthuzela; akavuma kuthuthuzelwa.”—Genesis 37:31-35.

Musa ukuthi, ‘Ninokuba nomnye umntwana’: “Ndandingathandi abantu bandixelele ukuba ndandinokuba nomnye umntwana,” ukhumbula  oko omnye umama owafelwa ngumntwana. Basenokuba baneenjongo ezintle, kodwa kumzali osentlungwini, amazwi abonisa ukuba umntwana ongasekhoyo unokuthatyathelwa indawo ‘anokuhlaba njengekrele.’ (IMizekeliso 12:18) Omnye umntwana akanakuze amthabathele indawo omnye. Ngoba? Kuba mntwana ngamnye akafani nomnye.

Musa ukuzama ukukuphepha ukukhankanya lowo ungasekhoyo: Omnye umama ukhumbula ukuba, “abantu abaninzi babengalikhankanyi nokulikhankanya igama lonyana wam uJimmy okanye bathethe ngaye. Mandivume ukuba kwakuba buhlungu noko xa abanye besenjenjalo.” Ngoko musa ukuzama ukutshintsha incoko xa kukhankanywa igama lalowo ungasekhoyo. Buza loo mntu enoba uyafuna kusini na ukuthetha ngalowo ebemthanda. (Thelekisa uYobhi 1:18, 19 nese-10:1.) Bambi abantu abafelweyo bayakuvuyela ukuva abahlobo bebaxelela ngeempawu ezikhethekileyo ebezibenza bamthande lowo ungasekhoyo.—Thelekisa IZenzo 9:36-39.

Musa ukungxama uthi, ‘Sekubhetele kwenzekile oku’: Ukuzama ukufumana into entle ngokufa akusoloko ‘kuyithuthuzela imiphefumlo edandathekileyo’ esentlungwini. (1 Tesalonika 5:14, NW) Likhumbula ukufa kukanina, elinye ibhinqa eliselula lathi: “Abanye babeye bathi, ‘Akakho zintlungwini’ okanye, ‘Useluxolweni noko.’ Kodwa ndandingafuni nokukuva oko.” Amagqabaza anjalo asenokuthetha ukuba abo bafelweyo abamele babe buhlungu okanye ukulahlekelwa kwabo akungako. Noko ke, basenokuba babuhlungu kakhulu ngenxa yokuba bemkhumbula gqitha lowo bebemthanda.

Kusenokuba bhetele ukuba ungathi, ‘Ndiyayazi indlela ovakalelwa ngayo’: Ngaba uyazi ngokwenene? Ngokomzekelo, ngaba unokuyazi indlela umzali avakalelwa ngayo xa efelwe ngumntwana ukuba wena akukaze ulahlekelwe ngolo hlobo? Kwanokuba wakha walahlekelwa, khumbula ukuba abanye basenokungavakalelwa ngendlela owavakalelwa ngayo ngokuthe ngqo wena. (Thelekisa IZililo 1:12.) Kwelinye icala, ukuba kubonakala kufanelekile, kusenokuba yingenelo ukubalisa indlela owachacha ngayo ngoxa wawulahlekelwe ngulowo umthandayo. Omnye umfazi owayefelwe yintombi yakhe wakufumanisa kukhuthaza ukuba umama wenye intombi eyayifile amxelele ngendlela awakusingatha ngokunempumelelo ngayo oku. Wathi: “Umama waloo ntombi yayifile akazange atshayelele ibali lakhe ngokuthi ‘Ndiyayazi indlela ovakalelwa ngayo.’ Wasuka nje wandibalisela ukuba kwakunjani kuye waza wakushiyela kum konke okunye.”

Ukunceda umntu ofelweyo kufuna ube nemfesane, ukuqonda, nothando oluninzi. Musa ukulindela ofelweyo ade eze kuwe. Musa ukusuka nje uthi, “Ukuba kukho nantoni na endingayenza . . .” Fumanisa ukuba yintoni na loo “nantoni na,” uze uthabathe inyathelo elifanelekileyo.

Kusasele imibuzo embalwa: Kuthekani ngethemba leBhayibhile lovuko? Linokuthetha ntoni kuwe nakulowo umthandayo ufileyo? Sinokuqiniseka njani ukuba lithemba elinokuthenjwa?