Umntwana wakho uyakhala esithi, “Andikwazi kuyenza le nto, inzima andisoze ndikwazi!” Ufuna ukuyeka into angakwaziyo ukuyenza. Awuthandi kubona umntwana wakho esokola ekwenzeni izinto, kodwa ufuna afunde ukwazi ukumelana nezinto ezinzima. Ngaba umele ukhawuleze umncede? Okanye umyeke ancame? Okanye ungamfundisa umntwana wakho ukungancami?

 Ukungancami kubalulekile. Xa abazali bebafundisa abantwana babo ukusebenza nzima, baye baqhube kakuhle esikolweni, babe nempilo ebhetele, ibe bayakwazi nokwakha ubuhlobo obuqinileyo nabanye abantwana. Ngokwahlukileyo xa abazali babo bebakhusela kwizinto ezinzima nabangakwaziyo ukuzenza, baye babe ne-depression, bazive ingathi akukho yabo, ibe loo nto ibenza bangonwabi naxa sele bebadala.

 Baqhelise ukungancami. Nabantwana abancinci bangakwazi ukuzimisela baze bakwazi ukuwenza umsebenzi onzima. Olunye uphando lubonisa ukuba, abantwana abancinci abaneenyanga eziyi-15 bangakwazi ukusebenza nzima, xa benokuqala babukele indlela abantu abadala abaye basokole ngayo xa beqala ukuwenza umsebenzi, kunokuba bavele baphumelele beqala nje ukuwenza.

 “Ndikhumbula ndifundisa iintombi zam ukubopha izihlangu. Le nto asiyonto onokuyifunda nje ngosuku olunye. Qho xa kwakufuneka bezibophe imitya babeye bahlale imizuzu eyi-10 ukuya kweyi-15 bezama ukukhumbula ukuba le nto yenziwa njani. Ndiye ndibancede. Kwade kwadlula iinyanga eziliqela bezama ukwenza le nto kwaye ngamanye amaxesha baye bacaphuke bade balile, kodwa ekugqibeleni bade bakwazi ukubopha izihlangu zabo. Ndandinokwenza ubomi bam buvele bube lula ndivele ndibathengele izihlangu ezingenamitya, kodwa nathi njengabazali kumele sifunde ukungancami ukuze sikwazi ukufundisa abantwana bethu ukungakhawulezi bancame.”—UColleen

 Ukuncama kunokwenzeka ngamanye amaxesha. Bengaqondanga abanye abazali basenokukujongela phantsi ukunyamezela kwabantwana babo. Njani? Endaweni yokufundisa abantwana babo ukuba bakwazi ukuzenza izinto, abanye abazali baye bakhawuleze babancede ukuze bangaziva benesistresi bazive ingathi abakwazi ukuzenza ezinye izinto. Kodwa le nto iyabamosha. Omnye umbhali uJessica Lahey uthi: “Qho xa sibenzela ngokwethu abantwana bethu izinto ezinzima sibonisa ukuba abakwazi ukuzenzela izinto ibe asibathembi ukuba bangakwazi ukuzenzela izinto ngaphandle koncedo lwethu.” a Ibanjani imiphumo? Basenokukhawuleza bayeke ukwenza izinto xa bedibene neengxaki, bakholelwe ukuba badinga ukuncedwa ngabantu abadala.

 Bakhuthaze ukuba basebenze nzima. Abazali bangabafundisa abantwana babo ukungancami ngokubanika imisebenzi elingene iminyaka yabo. Ngokomzekelo abantwana abancinci bangancedisa ekusongeni iimpahla zabo nasekuqoqosheni izinto zabo zokudlala. Abantwana abasele bekhulile bangancedisa ekuqoqosheni igrosari, baze bakline itafile xa kugqity’ utyiwa, bakhuphe umgqomo, baze bosule nezinto ezichithekileyo. Bona abafikisayo bangakwazi ukwenza imisebenzi enzima equka ukuklina, nokulungisa ezinye izinto ezifuna ukulungiswa. Abantwana abasoloko bekuthanda ukwenza imisebenzi kodwa iye incede kwabona xa abazali baye babafundise besebancinci ukwenza izinto endlini. Baye bancedakale njani? Baye bafunde umsebenzi onzima, ibe le nto iye ibancede bangakhawulezi bayeke xa kuvela iingxaki emisebenzini yabo naxa sele bengabantu abadala.

 Umgaqo weBhayibhile: “Kukho umvuzo kulo lonke uhlobo lomsebenzi onzima.”—IMizekeliso 14:23.

 “Sukuchitha ixesha unika abantwana umsebenzi oza kubenza bahlale bexakekile. Akukho mntu uyithandayo loo nto. Banike into ebalulekileyo kodwa ekungekho nzima ukuyenza abanoncedisa ngayo. Xa umntwana esemncinci ungamnika umsebenzi wokuba asule izinto zasendlini ezinothuli anokufikelela kuzo. Xa uhlamba imoto, usenokumyeka ahlambe iindawo ezisezantsi ongenokukwazi ukuzifikelela. Mncome umntwana wakho xa esebenze nzima.”—UChris

 Mncedise umntwana wakho xa esenza umsebenzi onzima. Ngamanye amaxesha abantwana bayakhawuleza ukuncama xa besenza umsebenzi onzima kuba bengayazi ukuba wenziwa kanjani. Ngoko xa ufundisa umntwana wakho ukwenza umsebenzi omtsha, ungazama ezi ndlela zilandlelayo. Okokuqala zama ukuyenza le nto ngokwakho aze yena akubukele ukuba yenziwa njani. Emva koko niyenze kunye. Okulandelayo, mbukele umntwana wakho eyenza le nto emva koko umnike namacebiso. Ekugqibeleni, myeke awenze ngokwakhe umsebenzi.

 Umgaqo weBhayibhile: “Kuba ndinibonisile indlela enimele nenze ngayo. Le nto ndiyenzileyo kuni, nani nimele niyenze.”—Yohane 13:15.

 “Le nto ndiyazela apha kum, njengabazali simele sibe ngumzekelo ukuba sifuna abantwana bethu bangakhawulezi bancame.”—UDoug.

 Mncede umntwana wakho ayamkele into yokuba wonke umntu ukhe asokole aze angakwazi ukuzenza zonke izinto ngokuphumelelayo. Mbalisele ngezinto ekukhe kwanzima ukuba uzenze nangendlela ekuye kwakunceda ngayo ukungancami. Mxelele umntwana wakho ukuba kuqhelekile ukuba kube nzima ukwenza ezinye izinto ezintsha ibe usenokwenza neempazamo kodwa angafunda kuzo. Mqinisekise umntwana wakho ukuba uza kumthanda nokuba akakwazi ukwenza ezinye izinto. Kuba nezihlunu zikhula xa zisetyenziswa, nomntwana wakho xa umyeka azenzele izinto nokuba zinzima, uza kukwazi ukunyamezela. Xa umntwana wakho engakwazi ukuzenzela into, endaweni yokukhawuleza ufune ukumnceda myeke azame ukuzenzela nangona ecaphuka. Incwadi ethi: How Children Succeed, ithi: “Ukuze ukwazi ukuba ngumntu okhulileyo nokwaziyo ukuzenza izinto, umele uzame ukuzenza nokuba uyabona ukuba usenokungakwazi ukuzenza kakuhle.

 Umgaqo weBhayibhile: “Kulungile ukuba indoda iyithwale idyokhwe ngoxa isengumntu omtsha.”—Izililo 3:27

 “Xa ubayeka abantwana basokole okwexeshana, ube usazi ukuba abazali baza kubancedisa, abo bantwana baye bancedakale. Emva kwexesha, baza kukwazi ukuzenza izinto kakuhle ibe bazobe befundile ukuba ukungancami kuyanceda.”—UJordan.

 Mncome endaweni yokuthi ukleva. Ngokomzekelo, endaweni yokuba uthi, “Usebenzile mntwanam ngokupasa la thesti, kaloku ukleva,” usenokuthi, “Uyipase kakuhle la thesti ndiyavuya uye wazimisela wafunda.” Kutheni kubalulekile ukuncoma umzamo wakhe kunokuthi ukleva? UGqirha Carol Dweck uthi: “Ukusoloko uncoma abantwana ngokuba kleva kungabenza bakhathazeke xa kukho into abangakwazi ukuyenza kakuhle. Ukuba abazali bafuna ukupha abantwana babo esona sipho sibalulekileyo, bamele babafundisa ukukwazi ukumelana neengxaki, bazazi ukuba bangazenza iimpazamo, bavuye xa becetyiswa baze baqhubeke befunda. Ngaloo ndlela abantwana babo abozosoloko bexhomekeke ekunconyweni.” b

 Umgaqo weBhayibhile: “Umntu uvavanywa ngezincomo azifumanayo.”—IMizekeliso 27:21.