“NGAZIZWA ngicindezeleka kakhulu ukuba ngiyibambe imizwa yami,” kuchaza uMike ekhumbula ukufa kukayise. KuMike, ukucindezela usizi ayekulo kwakuyinto ebonisa ubudoda ayengayenza. Kodwa kamuva waqaphela ukuthi wayenza iphutha. Ngakho lapho umngane kaMike elahlekelwa umkhulu wakhe, uMike wayekwazi okwakudingeka akwenze. Uthi: “Eminyakeni embalwa edlule, ngangiyommbambatha ehlombe ngithi: ‘Yiba yindoda.’ Manje ngambamba ngengalo ngathi, ‘Zizwe nganoma iyiphi indlela okuthi zizwe ngayo. Kuzokusiza ukuba ubhekane nakho. Uma ufuna ngihambe, ngizohamba. Uma ufuna ngihlale, ngizohlala. Kodwa ungesabi ukuveza indlela ozizwa ngayo.’”

UMaryAnne naye wazizwa ecindezeleka ukuba ayibambe imizwa yakhe lapho kufe umyeni wakhe. Uyakhumbula, “Ngangikhathazeke kakhulu ngokuba isibonelo esihle kwabanye kangangokuba angizange ngizivumele ukuba ngizizwe ngendlela engokwemvelo. Kodwa kamuva ngafunda ukuthi ukuzama ukuba insika yabanye yokuthola amandla kwakungangisizi. Ngaqala ukuhlaziya isimo sami ngathi, ‘Khala uma kuthi khala. Ungazami ukuziqinisa kakhulu. Kukhiphe ngaphakathi.’”

Ngakho uMike noMaryAnne batusa lokhu: Zivumele ukuba ube lusizi! Futhi baqinisile. Ngani? Ngoba ukuba lusizi kuyinto edingekayo yokukhiphela ngaphandle imizwelo. Ukudedela imizwa yakho kungaqeda ukucindezeleka ongaphansi kwakho. Indlela yemvelo yokuveza imizwelo yakho, uma ihambisana nokuqonda nokwaziswa okuqondile, ikwenza ukwazi ukubheka imizwa yakho ngombono ofanele.

Yiqiniso, abantu abalubonisi usizi ngendlela efanayo. Futhi izici ezinjengokuthi lo muntu othandekayo ufe ngokuzuma noma ufe esegule isikhathi eside zingase zithinte indlela abasabela ngayo ngokomzwelo abasele. Kodwa kunento eyodwa ebonakala iyiqiniso: Ukucindezela imizwa yakho kungaba yingozi ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo. Kunempilo kakhudlwana ukuluveza obala usizi okulo. Kanjani? ImiBhalo iqukethe izeluleko eziwusizo.

Ukukhuluma kungaba yindlela ewusizo yokulukhipha. Ngemva kokufa kwazo zonke izingane zayo eziyishumi, kanye nezinye izinhlekelele zayo siqu, inzalamizi yasendulo uJobe yathi: “Umphefumulo wami ukhathele ukuhamba kwami; ngiyazinikela [ngesiHeberu, “dedela”] ekukhaleni, ngikhulume ngomunyu womphefumulo wami.” (Jobe 1:2,  18, 19; 10:1) UJobe wayengasakwazi ukubamba ukukhathazeka kwakhe. Kwakudingeka akudedele; kwakudingeka “akhulume.” Ngokufanayo, umbhali wemidlalo oyiNgisi uShakespeare encwadini ethi Macbeth wabhala: “Kuveze ukudabuka; ukudabuka okungavezwa obala kungamkhungathekisa buthule umuntu.”

Ngakho-ke, ukukhuluma ngemizwa yakho “kumngane [“weqiniso,” NW]” oyolalela ngesineke nangozwela kungakuphumuza ngezinga elithile. (IzAga 17:17) Ukukhuluma ngokuhlangenwe nakho kanye nemizwa yakho ngokuvamile kwenza kube lula ukukuqonda nokubhekana nakho. Futhi uma umuntu okulalele naye ake washonelwa futhi wabhekana ngokuphumelelayo nokulahlekelwa kwakhe, ungase ukwazi ukuthola ukusikisela okuwusizo kwendlela ongabhekana ngayo nakho. Lapho omunye umama efelwa ingane yakhe, wachaza ukuthi kungani kwamsiza ukukhuluma nomunye wesifazane owayeke walahlekelwa ngendlela efanayo: “Ukwazi ukuthi othile wake wabhekana nento efanayo, wadlula kuyo engenamyocu ngokwengqondo nangokomzwelo, nokuthi usaphila futhi ukuphila kwakhe kuya kuba sesimweni esivamile nakho kwakungiqinisa kakhulu.”

Kuthiwani uma uzizwa ungakhululekile ukukhuluma ngemizwa yakho? Ngemva kokufa kukaSawule noJanathani, uDavide waqamba isililo esithinta imizwelo kakhulu akhiphela kuso usizi lwakhe. Ekugcineni lesi sililo asiqamba saba ingxenye yombhalo ogciniwe wencwadi yeBhayibheli kaSamuweli wesiBili. (2 Samuweli 1:17-27; 2 IziKronike 35:25) Ngokufanayo, abanye bakuthola kulula ukuveza imizwa yabo ngokuyibhala. Omunye umfelokazi wabika ukuthi wayeyibhala phansi indlela azizwa ngayo bese kuthi ngemva kwezinsuku ezithile akufunde lokho akubhalile. Wakuthola kuyindlela ewusizo yokukhipha usizi.

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukwenza ngokukhuluma noma ngokubhala, ukuxoxa ngemizwa yakho kungakusiza ukuba ukhiphe usizi lwakho. Kungasiza futhi nasekucaciseni ukungaqondi okuthile. Umama owashonelwa uyachaza: “Mina nomyeni wami sasizwe ngeminye imibhangqwana eyahlukanisa ngemva kokulahlekelwa ingane, futhi sasingafuni ukuba lokho kwenzeke kithina. Ngakho noma nini lapho sizizwa sithukuthela, sifuna ukusolana, sasikhuluma ngakho. Ngicabanga ukuthi ngokwenza lokho sasondelana ngempela.” Ngakho, ukuveza imizwa yakho kwabanye kungakusiza ukuba uqonde ukuthi ngisho noma ningase nilahlekelwe ngendlela efanayo, abanye bangaba lusizi ngendlela ehlukile—bathathe isikhathi sabo futhi bakwenze ngeyabo indlela.

Okunye futhi okungakusiza ekukhipheni usizi ukukhala. Kukhona “isikhathi sokukhala,” kusho iBhayibheli. (UmShumayeli 3:1, 4) Ngokuqinisekile, ukushonelwa othile esimthandayo kuletha isikhathi esinjalo. Ukukhala izinyembezi zosizi kubonakala kuyingxenye edingekayo yenqubo yokululama.

Omunye wesifazane osemusha uchaza indlela umngane wakhe oseduze amsiza ngayo ukuba  abhekane nesimo lapho kushona unina. Uyakhumbula: “Umngane wami wayezenza atholakale lapho ngimdinga. Wayekhala nami. Axoxe nami. Ngangimane ngiyiveze imizwelo yami futhi lokho kwakubalulekile kimi. Kwakungadingeki ngizizwe nginamahloni ngokukhala.” (Bheka eyabaseRoma 12:15.) Akudingeki futhi uzizwe unamahloni ngezinyembezi zakho. Njengoba sesibonile, iBhayibheli ligcwele izibonelo zamadoda nabesifazane bokholo—kuhlanganise noJesu Kristu—abakhala obala ngenxa yokuba lusizi bangaba namahloni ngakho.—Genesise 50:3; 2 Samuweli 1:11, 12; Johane 11:33, 35.

Ungase uthole ukuthi imizwelo yakho izoke ithathe isikhathi ingaqondakali. Izinyembezi zingase zizigelezele nje kungonakele lutho. Omunye umfelokazi wathola ukuthi ukuyothenga esitolo (into ayevame ukuyenza nomyeni wakhe) kwakumkhalisa, ikakhulukazi lapho ethatha izinto ezaziyintandokazi yomyeni wakhe, ngenxa yenjwayelo. Zibekezelele. Futhi ungabi nomuzwa wokuthi kufanele uzibambe izinyembezi. Khumbula, zingezemvelo futhi ziyingxenye edingekayo yokuba lusizi.

Njengoba kubonisiwe ngaphambili, abanye baba nomuzwa wecala ngemva kokufelwa othandekayo. Lokhu kungasisiza siqonde ukuthi kungani indoda ethembekile uJakobe yaba lusizi ngokujulile lapho ikhohliswa ngokuthi indodana yayo uJosefa yayibulawe “isilwane esibi.” UJosefa wayethunywe uJakobe uqobo lwakhe ukuba ayohlola inhlalakahle yabafowabo. Cishe uJakobe wahlushwa imizwa yecala, enjengokuthi ‘Ngimthumeleni yedwa uJosefa? Ngimthumeleni endaweni egcwele izilwane zasendle?’—Genesise 37:33-35.

Mhlawumbe unomuzwa wokuthi ukuyekelela kwakho okuthile kube nengxenye ekufeni kothandekayo wakho. Ukuqaphela ukuthi ukuba nomuzwa wecala—kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ungowoqobo noma uyacatshangelwa—kuyindlela evamile yokusabela osizini kungaba usizo ngokwako. Nalapha futhi, ungabi nomuzwa wokuthi kufanele uyigcine kuwe imizwa enjalo. Ukukhuluma ngokuthi uzizwa unecala kanjani kungaba yindlela edingekayo yokukhipha usizi.

Nokho, qaphela ukuthi kungakhathaliseki ukuthi  simthanda kangakanani omunye umuntu, ngeke sikwazi ukulawula ukuphila kwakhe, singeke sikwazi nokuvimbela “isikhathi nethuba [“nezenzakalo ezingalindelekile,” NW]” ukuba kwehlele esibathandayo. (UmShumayeli 9:11) Ngaphandle kwalokho, akungabazeki ukuthi izisusa zakho zazingezimbi. Ngokwesibonelo, ngokungamphuthumisi kudokotela, ingabe wawuhlose ukuba othandekayo wakho agule abese efa? Lutho neze! Ingabe-ke unecala ngempela lokufa kwakhe? Cha.

Omunye umama wafunda indlela yokubhekana nomuzwa wokuba necala ngemva kokufa kwendodakazi yakhe engozini yemoto. Uyachaza: “Ngazizwa nginecala lokuthi ngangimthumile. Kodwa ngaqaphela ukuthi kwakungenangqondo ukuzizwa ngaleyo ndlela. Kwakungekho lutho olungalungile ngokumthuma noyise ukuba benze okuthile. Kwakuyingozi nje embi kakhulu.”

Ungase uthi, ‘Kodwa kunezinto eziningi engifisa ukuba ngabe ngazisho noma ngazenza.’ Yiqiniso, kodwa ubani kithi ongathi besilokhu singobaba, omama noma izingane eziphelele? IBhayibheli liyasikhumbuza: “Sonke siyakhubeka izikhathi eziningi. Uma noma ubani engakhubeki ngezwi, lowo uyindoda ephelele.” (Jakobe 3:2; Roma 5:12) Ngakho-ke, lamukele iqiniso lokuthi awuphelele. Ukulokhu ucabanga ngezinto ezinjengokuthi “ukube nje” ngeke kushintshe lutho, kodwa kungase kukwenze wephuze ukululama.

Uma unezizathu ezinengqondo zokukholelwa ukuthi umuzwa wakho wokuba necala ungokoqobo, awucatshangelwa, cabangela-ke isici esibaluleke kunazo zonke sokudambisa umuzwa wecala—intethelelo kaNkulunkulu. IBhayibheli liyasiqinisekisa: “Uma wena Jehova uqaphela iziphambeko, Nkosi, ngubani ongema na? Kepha ukuthethelela kukuwe.” (IHubo 130:3, 4) Ngeke ukwazi ukuphindela kokudlule futhi ushintshe noma yini. Nokho, ungacela intethelelo kaNkulunkulu ngamaphutha esikhathi esidlule. Bese kuba njani? Uma uNkulunkulu ethembisa ukukuthethelela, akufanele yini uzithethelele nawe?—IzAga 28:13; 1 Johane 1:9.

Ingabe uzizwa uthukuthele, mhlawumbe uthukuthelele odokotela, abahlengikazi, abangane, noma ngisho umufi? Qaphela ukuthi nakho lokhu kuyindlela evamile yokusabela lapho ulahlekelwe othile. Mhlawumbe intukuthelo yakho ngokwemvelo ihambisana nobuhlungu obuzwayo. Omunye umbhali wathi: “Kungokuyiqaphela intukuthelo—hhayi ukwenza ngokuvumelana nayo kodwa ukwazi ukuthi unayo—lapho ungakhululeka khona emiphumeleni yayo ebulalayo.”

Kungasiza futhi ukuveza noma ukutshela abanye ngentukuthelo yakho. Kanjani? Ngokuqinisekile ungakwenzi ngokubhavumula okungalawuleki. IBhayibheli lixwayisa ngokuthi intukuthelo ethatha isikhathi eside iyingozi. (IzAga 14:29, 30) Kodwa ungaduduzeka lapho uxoxa ngakho nomngane oqondayo. Futhi abanye bathola ukuthi ukuvivinya umzimba ngamandla lapho bethukuthele kuyindlela ewusizo yokukhipha intukuthelo.—Bheka futhi eyabase-Efesu 4:25, 26.

Nakuba kubalulekile ukuba ukhulume ngokukhululekile nangokwethembeka ngemizwa yakho, izwi lesixwayiso liyadingeka. Kunomehluko omkhulu phakathi kokuveza imizwa yakho nokuyifulukuhlela kwabanye. Asikho isidingo sokusola abanye ngentukuthelo onayo nokukhungatheka. Ngakho-ke, qikelela ukuba ukhulume ngemizwa yakho, kodwa hhayi ngendlela enonya. (IzAga 18:21) Kunosizo olubalulekile lokubhekana nosizi, futhi sesizoxoxa ngalo manje.

IBhayibheli liyasiqinisekisa: “UJehova useduze nabo abanenhliziyo eyaphukileyo; uyabasindisa abanomoya odabukileyo.” (IHubo 34:18) Yebo, ngaphezu kwanoma yini, ubuhlobo noNkulunkulu bungakusiza ukuba ubhekane nokufa kothandekayo. Kanjani? Konke ukusikisela okuwusizo okusanikeziwe bekusekelwe noma kuvumelana neZwi likaNkulunkulu, iBhayibheli. Ukukusebenzisa kungakusiza ukuba ukwazi ukubhekana nesimo.

Ngaphezu kwalokho, ungaweyi amandla omthandazo. IBhayibheli liyasinxusa: “Phonsa phezu kukaJehova umthwalo wakho, uzakukuphasa.” (IHubo 55:22) Uma ukukhuluma ngemizwa yakho kumngane onozwela kungakusiza, kungakusiza kakhulu kangakanani-ke ukuthulula inhliziyo yakho ‘kuNkulunkulu wenduduzo yonke’!—2 Korinte 1:3.

Akukhona nje ukuthi umthandazo umane usenze sizizwe kangcono. ‘UMuzwi wemikhuleko’ uthembisa ukuzinikeza umoya ongcwele izinceku zakhe eziwucela ngobuqotho. (IHubo 65:2; Luka 11:13) Futhi umoya ongcwele kaNkulunkulu, noma amandla ayisiphekupheku, ungakuhlomisa ‘ngamandla angaphezu kwavamile’ ukuze uqhubeke uphila usuku nosuku. (2 Korinte 4:7, qhathanisa ne-NW.) Khumbula: UNkulunkulu angazisiza izinceku zakhe ezithembekile ukuba zikhuthazelele noma yiziphi izinkinga ezingase zibhekane nazo.

Owesifazane owafelwa ingane ukhumbula ukuthi amandla omthandazo amsiza kanjani yena nomyeni wakhe kuleso sikhathi. Uyachaza: “Uma sisekhaya ebusuku nosizi lwethu luba olungabekezeleleki, sasithandaza ndawonye siphimisele. Isikhathi sokuqala okwadingeka senze ngaso utho ngaphandle kwakhe—umhlangano wokuqala webandla esaya kuwo, umhlangano omkhulu wokuqala esaba kuwo—sasithandazela ukuthola amandla. Lapho sivuka ekuseni futhi ukuba yiqiniso kwakho kungabekezeleleki, sasithandaza kuJehova ukuba asisize. Ngesizathu esithile, kwakubuhlungu ngempela kimi ukungena ngedwa endlini. Ngakho-ke, njalo lapho ngifika ngedwa ekhaya, ngangimane ngithandaze kuJehova ukuba angisize ngizole.” Lona wesifazane onokholo ukholelwa ngokuqinile nangokufanele ukuthi leyo mithandazo yenza umehluko. Nawe futhi ungathola ukuthi ngenxa yemithandazo yakho ephikelelayo, ‘ukuthula kukaNkulunkulu okudlula konke ukucabanga kuyoqapha inhliziyo yakho namandla akho engqondo.’—Filipi 4:6, 7; Roma 12:12.

Usizo olunikezwa nguNkulunkulu luyawenza umehluko. Umphostoli uPawulu ongumKristu wathi uNkulunkulu “osiduduza osizini lwethu lonke, ukuze sikwazi ukududuza labo abakunoma yiluphi uhlobo losizi.” Yiqiniso, usizo lwaphezulu alubuqedi ubuhlungu, kodwa lungenza kube lula ukububekezelela. Lokho akusho ukuthi ngeke usakhala nhlobo noma uyomkhohlwa othandekayo wakho. Kodwa ungalulama. Futhi lapho ululama, lokho ohlangabezane nakho kungakwenza ube ngoqondayo nonozwela kakhudlwana ekusizeni abanye ukuba babhekane nokulahlekelwa okufanayo.—2 Korinte 1:4.