Uma wena noshade naye nixabana, ngokuvamile nivusa izinto esezadlula, nikhulume ngezinto ezanilimaza okufanele ngabe kade nazilungisa. Iyini inkinga? Kungenzeka ukuthi omunye wenu noma nobabili anazi ukuthi kuthethelelwa kanjani.

Ningakufunda. Nokho okokuqala, cabanga ngokuthi yini engenza ukuba indoda nomkayo bakuthole kunzima ukuthethelelana.

Igunya. Amanye amadoda namakhosikazi bayayigodla intethelelo ukuze balondoloze lokho okubonakala kuyigunya abanalo phezu kwabashade nabo. Khona-ke, uma kuphakama izingxabano, basebenzisa izinto ezenzeka ngesikhathi esidlule ukuze banqobe.

Ukubamba amagqubu. Izibazi zokoniwa kwesikhathi esidlule zingase zithathe isikhathi eside ukuphola. Omunye angase athi, ‘Ngiyakuxolela’ kodwa aqhubeke ebambe igqubu ngalokho okwenzekile—mhlawumbe enesifiso sokuziphindiselela.

Ukudumazeka. Abanye abantu bangena emshadweni benenkolelo egcwele yokuthi ukuphila kuzoba njengokothando lwasemaphusheni. Khona-ke uma kuba nokungaboni ngaso linye, umuntu akabe esayingena eyokushintsha lowo mbono, ezibuza ukuthi kungenzeka kanjani nje ukuthi “lo maqondana wakhe” abe nombono ohlukile. Izinkolelo ezeqisa kanjalo zingenza umuntu athambekele kakhulu ekutholeni amaphutha futhi kungabi lula ukuthethelela.

Ukungaqondi. Imibhangqwana eminingi ayithetheleli ngoba ayiqondi ukuthi kuzosho ukuthini ukuthethelela. Ngokwesibonelo:

Uma ngimthethelela, ngiyabululaza ububi abenzile.

Uma ngimthethelela, kufanele ngikhohlwe okwenzekile.

Uma ngimthethelela, ngizomenza angiphathe kabi nakakhulu.

Eqinisweni, ukuthethelela akusho nokukodwa kwalokhu okungenhla. Noma kunjalo, ukuthethelela kungase kube nzima—ikakhulukazi kubantu abasondelene njengendoda nomkayo.

Qonda ukuthi ukuthethelela kuhilelani. Ngezinye izikhathi eBhayibhelini, igama elithi “thethelela” lisho “ukudlulisa.” Ngakho ukuthethelela akudingi ukuba njalo ukhohlwe okwenzekile noma ukushaye indiva okubi. Ngezinye izikhathi kusho nje ukuyidlulisa indaba, ngenxa yenhlalakahle yakho neyomuntu oshade naye.

Qaphela imiphumela yokungathetheleli. Abanye ochwepheshe bathi ukubamba igqubu kungakubeka engozini enkulu yezinkinga ezihlukahlukene ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo, ezihlanganisa ukucindezeleka nomfutho ophakeme wegazi—ingasaphathwa eyomonakalo okuwenzayo emshadweni wenu. Kunesizathu esihle sokuthi iBhayibheli lithi: “Yibani nomusa komunye nomunye, ninobubele besisa, nithethelelane ngokukhululekile.”—Efesu 4:32.

Qaphela izinzuzo zokuthethelela. Umoya wokuthethelela wenza ukuba wena noshade naye nikholwe ukuthi omunye ubengaqondile ukwenza okubi, kunokuba “nigcine umbhalo” wamaphutha. Lokhu kuyonisiza nilwe nokubamba amagqubu futhi kukhulise uthando lwenu.—Isimiso seBhayibheli: Kolose 3:13.

Yiba nombono oqondile. Kulula ukumthethelela oshade naye uma umamukela ngokwalokho ayikho, namaphutha akhe. Incwadi ethi, Fighting for Your Marriage ithi: “Uma ugxila kulokho ongazange ukuthole, kulula kakhulu ukukhohlwa yikho konke okutholile. Yiluphi uhlu lwezinto ofuna ukugxila kulo njengamanje ekuphileni?” Khumbula, akekho umuntu ophelele—kuhlanganise nawe.—Isimiso seBhayibheli: Jakobe 3:2.

Linganisela. Ngesikhathi esizayo uma oshade naye esho noma enza into ekucasulayo, zibuze: ‘Ingabe ngempela isimo sibucayi kangako? Ingabe kufanele axolise nakanjani, noma ingabe ngingakudlulisa nje okwenzekile siqhubeke nempilo?’—Isimiso seBhayibheli: 1 Petru 4:8.

Uma kudingeka, xoxani ngokwenzekile. Ngomoya ophansi, chaza ukuthi yini ekuphathe kabi nokuthi kungani uzizwa ngaleyo ndlela. Ungamsoli ngokuba nezisusa ezimbi noma ugomele ngendlela okhuluma ngayo, ngoba lokho kuyokwenza oshade naye azivikele. Kunalokho, yisho nje ukuthi akwenzile kukuphathe kanjani.