Kubonakala sengathi zolo lokhu ubuphethe usana lwakho. Manje, selungumntwana osevile eminyakeni eyisishiyagalolunye—yiqiniso, useyingane kodwa manje usezoqala indima yokuphila eholela ebudaleni ebizwa ngokuthi ukuthomba.

Ungayisiza kanjani indodana noma indodakazi yakho ibhekane ngokuphumelelayo nalolu shintsho oludidayo futhi ngezinye izikhathi olukhungathekisayo, olwenza umzimba wayo ulungele ukuzala noma ukuzalisa?

Ukuthomba kuqala ngesikhathi sako. Kungasheshe kuqale mhlawumbe lapho ingane ineminyaka engu-8, noma kwephuze kuze kuqale lapho isineminyaka engaba ngu-16. Incwadi ethi Letting Go With Love and Confidence ithi, “Isikhathi esivamile sokuthomba siyashiyashiyana.”

Ukuthomba kungenza ingane izenyeze. Abasebasha bangase bakhathazeke kakhulu ngokuthi abanye bababheka kanjani. Insizwa okuthiwa uJared * iyakhumbula, “Ngaqala ukunakisisa indlela engangibukeka futhi ngenze ngayo. Lapho ngiphakathi kwabantu ngangizibuza ukuthi kazi abangibheki yini njengomuntu oxakile.” Ukuzethemba kungehla nakakhulu uma umuntu eba nezinduna ebusweni. UKellie oneminyaka engu-17 uyakhumbula, “Kwakungathi ubuso bami buyahlaselwa! Ngikhumbula ngikhala futhi ngizitshela ukuthi ngimubi.”

Abasheshayo ukuthomba babhekana nezinselele ezingavamile. Lokhu kwenzeka ikakhulukazi emantombazaneni, njengoba engase agconwe lapho ehlosa noma izinqulu ziqala ukukhuluphala. Incwadi ethi, A Parent’s Guide to the Teen Years, ithi: “Aphinde abe sengozini yokunakwa abafana abadala, okungenzeka ukuthi bazi okuningi ngocansi.”

Ukuthomba akusho ukuvuthwa. IzAga 22:15 zithi, “Ubuwula buboshelwe enhliziyweni yomntwana.” Ukuthomba akukushintshi lokho. Osemusha angabukeka ekhulile, kodwa incwadi ethi You and Your Adolescent ithi, lokho “akukutsheli lutho ngekhono lakhe lokwenza izinqumo eziphusile, lokuziphatha, lokuzithiba, noma [lokubonisa] ukuvuthwa ngezinye izindlela.”

Xoxani ngokuthomba ngaphambi kokuba kuqale. Tshela ingane ukuthi yini okumelwe iyilindele, ikakhulukazi mayelana nokuya esikhathini (amantombazane) nokushaywa izibuko (abafana). Lezo zinto zivele ziqale nje kungazelelwe futhi ziyethusa, ngokungafani noshintsho olwenzeka kancane kancane lapho ingane ithomba. Lapho nixoxa ngokuthomba, kubeke ngendlela ekahle—njengoshintsho oluzuzisayo oluphemba indlela eya ebudaleni.—Isimiso seBhayibheli: IHubo 139:14.

Geqa amagula. Insizwa okuthiwa uJohn iyakhumbula, “Lapho abazali bami bexoxa nami ngokuthomba bakha phezulu. Ngifisa ngabe abagudlanga iguma.” U-Alana oneminyaka engu-17 naye uzizwa ngendlela efanayo uthi: “Umama wangisiza ngaqonda ukuthi kwakwenzekani emzimbeni wami kodwa ngifisa ngabe wangisiza ngakwazi ukubhekana nako kangcono ngokomzwelo.” Siyini isifundo? Nakuba kungase kungabi lula, xoxa nengane yakho ngayo yonke into ephathelene nokuthomba.—Isimiso seBhayibheli: IzEnzo 20:20.

Buza imibuzo ezoholela engxoxweni. Ukuze uqale ingxoxo, khuluma ngalokho abanye abaye babhekana nakho lapho bethomba. Ngokwesibonelo, ungase ubuze indodakazi yakho, “Ingabe bakhona ofunda nabo asebekhuluma ngokuya esikhathini?” “Ingabe izingane ziyawahleka amantombazane asheshe aqale ukuthomba?” Ungase ubuze indodana yakho, “Ingabe izingane ziyabahleka labo abangasheshi ukukhula ngokomzimba?” Lapho abasebasha beqala ukukhuluma ngokuthi ukuthomba kubathinta kanjani abanye kungase kube lula ngabo ukukhuluma ngeyabo imizwa nangalokho ababhekana nakho. Lapho bekhuluma, lalela iseluleko seBhayibheli: ‘Shesha ukuzwa, wephuze ukukhuluma.’—Jakobe 1:19.

Siza ingane yakho ibe ‘nokuhlakanipha okusebenzayo kanye nekhono lokucabanga.’ (IzAga 3:21) Ukuthomba akuhileli ushintsho olungokomzimba nolungokomzwelo nje kuphela. Phakathi nalesi sikhathi ingane yakho iphinde ibe namakhono okuhlaziya izinto azoyisiza ukuba yenze izinqumo eziphusile lapho isikhulile. Lisebenzise kahle leli thuba ukuze ugxilise kuyo izindinganiso ezinhle.—Isimiso seBhayibheli: Hebheru 5:14.

Ungapheli amandla. Abasebasha abaningi babonakala bengakuthandisisi ukuxoxa nabazali babo ngokuthomba, kodwa ungakhohliseki. Incwadi ethi You and Your Adolescent ithi, “Osemusha owenza sengathi akathandi, uyanyanya noma akezwa lutho lapho nixoxa, kungenzeka ukuthi uyokukhumbula konke okushoyo.”