Abanye abantu badivosa benethemba lokuthi ukuphila kwabo kuzoba ngcono, kanti abanye bayafuna ukuhlala emshadweni kodwa abakwazi ukwenza abashade nabo ukuba bahlale. Nokho, cishe bonke abadivosayo bathola ukuthi ukuphila kuba kunzima kakhulu kamuva kunalokho ababekulindele. Eqinisweni, uma usanda kudivosa, ungase uthole ukuthi lokhu kungenye yezinto ezicindezela kunazo zonke oyoke ubhekane nazo. Ngakho-ke, kuzoba usizo ukuhlola ezinye zezeluleko ezisebenzayo ezivela eBhayibhelini ezingakusiza ukuba ubhekane ngokuphumelelayo nezinselele zokudivosa.

Ukucindezeleka okuhlobene nezinkinga zezimali, ukuba umzali, nesizungu kungakuqeda amandla, futhi ngokuvamile imizwa enjalo ayisheshi ukudlula. Isazi sezengqondo esingasekho uJudith Wallerstein sathola ukuthi ngemva kweminyaka eminingi bahlukanisa, abanye basenomuzwa wokuthi kwadlalwa ngabo, bakholelwa ukuthi “ukuphila akunaqiniso, kuyadumaza, futhi kunesizungu.”

LOKHO ONGAKWENZA

• Ukukhalela okulahlekile. Ungase umkhumbule umuntu owawushade osamthanda. Yize noma umshado  wakho wawukubangela usizi, ungase uzithole ukhala ngenxa yokuthi awuyitholanga injabulo owawuyilindele emshadweni. (IzAga 5:18) Ungabi namahloni okubekela eceleni “isikhathi sokukhala.”—UmShumayeli 3:1, 4.

• Gwema ukuzihlukanisa. Nakuba usidinga isikhathi sokulila uwedwa, akuhlakaniphile ukuzihlukanisa isikhathi eside. (IzAga 18:1) Khuluma ngendlela eyakhayo lapho uxoxa nabangane bakho, ngoba ukuhlale ukhononda ngalowo owawushade naye, ngisho noma kuyiqiniso, kungabenza bakubalekele. Uma kumelwe wenze izinqumo ezibalulekile ngokushesha ngemva kwedivosi, thola umuntu omethembayo ozokunika usizo olungachemile.

• Nakekela impilo yakho. Ukucindezeleka okubangelwa idivosi kuvame ukuletha izinkinga zempilo, ezinjengomfutho ophakeme wegazi noma ubuhlungu bekhanda obubeleselayo. Yidla ngendlela efanele, vivinya umzimba futhi ulale ngokwanele.—Efesu 5:29.

• Susa izinto ezikubuyisela izinkumbulo ezibuhlungu ngalowo owawushade naye noma ongasazidingi, kodwa uwagcine amaphepha abalulekile. Uma izinto ezinjengezithombe zomshado zikubangela ubuhlungu, zifake ebhokisini uzigcinele abantwana bakho.

• Yilwa nemicabango ebuhlungu. U-Olga, owadivosa umyeni wakhe ngemva kokuba ephingile, wathi: “Ngangihlale ngizibuza, ‘Yini lo wesifazane ayenayo mina engingenayo?’” Nokho, njengoba u-Olga aqaphela kamuva, ukuphindaphinda imicabango ebuhlungu kungabangela “umoya omunyu.”—IzAga 18:14.

  Abantu abaningi bathola ukuthi ukukubhala phansi lokho abakucabangayo kuyabasiza ukuba kubakhanyele futhi balawule imicabango yabo. Uma wenza lokhu, zama ukwakha imicabango emisha, eyakhayo ezothatha indawo yebuhlungu olwa nayo. (Efesu 4:23) Nazi izibonelo ezimbili:

  Okudala: Yimi engabangela umuntu engangishade naye ukuba angathembeki.

  Okusha: Amaphutha ami ayenganikezi engangishade naye ilungelo lokuphinga.

  Okudala: Ngachitha iminyaka yami nomuntu ongafanele.

  Okusha: Ngizojabula uma ngibheka phambili ekuphileni, hhayi emuva.

• Ungawanaki amazwi abuhlungu. Abangane nezihlobo abangaqonde bubi bangase basho izinto ezibuhlungu noma ngisho ezingelona iqiniso esimweni sakho: ‘Empeleni wayevele engakufanele,’ noma ‘UNkulunkulu uyasizonda isahlukaniso.’ * Yingakho iBhayibheli leluleka: “Unganikeli inhliziyo yakho kuwo wonke amazwi abantu abangase bawakhulume.” (UmShumayeli 7:21) UMartina, oseneminyaka emibili edivosile, uthi: “Kunokuba ngigxile emazwini alimazayo, ngizama ukubheka izinto ngendlela uNkulunkulu azibheka ngayo. Imicabango yaKhe iphakeme kuneyethu.”—Isaya 55:8, 9.

• Thandaza kuNkulunkulu. Ukhuthaza abakhulekeli bakhe ukuba ‘baphonse izinkathazo zabo phezu kwakhe,’ ikakhulukazi lapho becindezeleke kakhulu.—1 Petru 5:7.

UJuliana, owayeseneminyaka engu-11 eshadile, uthi: “Ngamncenga umyeni wami ukuba ahlale. Nokho, ngemva kokuba esehambile ngamthukuthelela kakhulu yena nowesifazane ayesehlala naye.” Abaningi abadivosayo baqhubeka bebathukuthelele  iminyaka eminingi labo ababeshade nabo. Yize kunjalo, ngezinye izikhathi abanye bazithola bephoqelekile ukukhuluma nabo njalo, ikakhulukazi uma benezingane.

LOKHO ONGAKWENZA

• Gcina ubuhlobo nomuntu owawushade naye busezingeni elifanele. Gxila ezindabeni ezinesidingo, ube mfushane futhi ushaye emhloleni. Abaningi baye bathola ukuthi le ndlela yenza kube nokuthula.—Roma 12:18.

• Gwema inkulumo echukuluzayo. Ikakhulukazi lapho unomuzwa wokuthi uyahlaselwa, iseluleko seBhayibheli esihlakaniphile siyasebenza: “Noma ubani ogodla amazwi akhe unolwazi.” (IzAga 17:27) Uma kunzima ukushintsha ingxoxo engakhi, ungase uthi: “Ngidinga ukucabanga ngalokhu okushilo bese sikhuluma kamuva.”

• Hlukanisa izinto zakho kwezomuntu owawushade naye ngezinga ongakwazi ngalo, kuhlanganise amarekhodi ezomthetho, awezimali nawezokwelapha.

UMaria ukhumbula ukuthi kwakunjani ngemva kwedivosi: “Indodakazi yami encane yayihlale ikhala futhi yaphinde yaqala ukuchama ilele. Nakuba intombazane yami endala yayizama ukufihla imizwa yayo, ngalubona ushintsho nakuyo.” Ngokudabukisayo, ungase ube nomuzwa wokuthi awunaso isikhathi noma amandla angokomzwelo okusiza abantabakho lapho bekudinga khona kakhulu.

LOKHO ONGAKWENZA

• Khuthaza abantabakho ukuba bakutshele indlela abazizwa ngayo ngisho noma lokhu kubonakala sengathi kuba “uwangala.”—Jobe 6:2, 3.

• Feza indima yakho efanele. Nakuba ungase uzizwe udinga ukusekelwa ngokomzwelo futhi ingane yakho ifisa ukukusiza, akufanele futhi kungalimaza ukucela ingane ukuba isize ngezinkinga zabantu abadala. (1 Korinte 13:11) Gwema ukuthululela isifuba sakho enganeni noma ukuyenza umxhumanisi noma isithunywa phakathi kwakho nomuntu owawushade naye.

• Ungaphazamisi ukuphila kwengane yakho. Kuwusizo ukuqhubeka nihlala endlini ebenihlala kuyo futhi isimiso senu ningasishintshi, kodwa okubaluleke nakakhulu ukugcina isimiso esihle esingokomoya, kuhlanganise ukufunda iBhayibheli nokukhulekela komkhaya.—Duteronomi 6:6-9.

Ungakwazi ukuqhubeka nokuphila kwakho ngemva kwedivosi. UMelissa, owayeseneminyaka engu-16 eshadile, uthi, “Ngesikhathi ngidivosa, ngacabanga, ‘Akuyona le indlela ebengifuna ukuphila kwami kube yiyo.’” Nokho, manje usethole ukwaneliseka naphezu kwezimo zakhe. Uthi, “Ngemva kokuba sengiyekile ukuzama ukushintsha isikhathi esidlule, ngazizwa ngingcono kakhulu.”